Day 419: Just Jesus

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This past week, I needed a bit of a break from blogging, well… actually, I needed a break from the internet and computers and technology in general… sorry I didn’t give anyone a heads up about it, I sorta didn’t realize I needed a break until Monday night last week when it was time to start thinking of a blog and, well, just the thought of it sorta exhausted me.

Nonetheless, the week was not without tests and triumphs!

But it’s funny… as I sit here wanting to write about one of my tests or triumphs, none of them really jump out at me as write-worthy. I mean, I struggled with a Take5 candy bar that my son (who doesn’t like chocolate) started to eat and then abandoned. I might write about that one later, because it did lead to an epiphany. I overate a lot trying to avoid that Take5 bar before I had my little epiphany. I didn’t eat a cake or cupcake at my husband’s grandfather’s 80th birthday, oh, AND my green skinny-style jeans fit more loosely around the hips/muffin top than they have before. My husband’s grandfather drove past me playing with my sons and their cousins and thought I was my sister-in-law WHO WEARS A SIZE 4! And that sister-in-law told me she was going to let me have some of her old size 6 jeans and was surprised to learn that I was a size 8.

So, yeah, the week has had some good and “meh” stuff.

But, all I want to write about is Jesus.

I’ve been getting frustrated… no, not frustrated… confused lately about the fact that I haven’t lost any more weight in a long time (and, yes, I do have some more weight I could lose). And then I see this verse and although it’s actually about his return, it still reminds me that God sometimes doesn’t answer things right when I expect or want Him to… for a reason.

The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. 2 Peter 3:9

And I go into His Word this morning to remind myself that He. Is. My. Strength. I could commentate on each of these verses, but I think I’m just gonna let the Word of God do its thang this morning.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Isaiah 40:29

I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. 1 Chronicles 16:11

God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect. Psalms 18:32

O Lord, do not stay far away! You are my strength; come quickly to my aid! Psalm 22:19

He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Psalm 23:3

(Note: the pic above is from The Action Bible)

Day 153: Search Party

Am I eating too much?
Would this food honor God?
Why am I eating right now?
Is this food becoming a new “addiction”?

Ya know, so much of the success of this “diet” has had little to do with the actual food choices that I have made and far more to do with looking inside myself and really evaluating myself. I think that I knew pretty early that it wasn’t the food that was really the problem… cause when I looked at my basic diet it really wasn’t that bad… it was the “extras” (sugar, chocolate, bread, chips, etc) that were really getting to me, but I was never eating the “extras” because I was hungry and rarely was I eating them because I craved them… I was eating them for a slew of reasons that were in my heart and my soul and my mind.

And multiple times throughout this experience I have had to do some real honest looking at myself. Cause I honestly thought that once I cut out sugar and chocolate that my issues would be over. I don’t think I realized how much I was overeating as well on just regular foods nor did I realize that chips and bread really were issues for me as well.

So, as I would realize that I wasn’t losing weight (back when I was weighing) or that I wasn’t getting into any smaller sizes, then I have had to look at my life and my eating and my motivations and my thoughts and my Bible reading and my emotions and my… me. But all I have had to do was allow God to search me and show me what was going on. I may have fought it (like right now I am having a “discussion” with Him about dairy… and wouldn’t ya know, my favorite brand of feta cheese was OUT at Sam’s when I went today… in the year that I have been shopping there it has NEVER been out!) and I might not have chosen to add it to my covenant right away, but He always seems to show me.

And again I think that this is a part of the covenant diet that is going to spill over into other areas of my life… because I am learning a) that He will show me if there is something that offends Him, and b) that He will then lead me along the path of everlasting life… in essence, He will show me what to do. He will conquer it. He will purify me.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

The only “danger” here is that, like I said, He will show me if there is something that offends Him… but then He really expects me to do something about it. Now, I fully believe that only God can conquer habitual addictive sins. But He expects me to do what I can to help my earthly body to get away from that sin. For example, I knew that God would be the only one that could conquer my addiction to sugar, but my part was to make the deal with Him to give it up in the first place. I know that God can help me to find more self-motivation to do my work around the house, but first I’m going to have to commit to Him that I will make choices with my time to honor Him.

So, if He shows one of us that a certain food is an issue that needs to be added to our covenant, then we do it. If He shows us that although we agreed to only fast Monday-Saturday, that we need to add Sundays to the covenant agreement, then we do it (you know who you are- haha!).

But first, we must ask God to show us. reveal our true selves. test us. try us. know us. and the best part… lead us.

Day Eighty-Two: Damning Demands

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I sat down this morning before the boys woke up, cuddled up in my chair with my coffee (upgraded with a little unsweetened almond milk), and opened up my phone. I saw the Bible app on my phone (which is where I do almost all of my Bible reading these days) right next to my WordPress app.

Knowing that I was behind a day on my posting, I thought “Oh, I’d better come up with a blog topic.” But nothing immediately came to my mind. Now, mind you… this is all happening during the time that I have set aside for reading my Bible… not for blogging, but for some reason there are times when I… don’t want to. It’s usually when I have fallen behind on my reading and need to catch up several days worth (which is the case this time).

But luckily, I had no immediate thoughts of what I could write about, so I sighed and tapped open my Bible app.

I read a bit through 1 Corinthians 15, and then the next reading section was in Psalm 78… and here is what I saw:

They stubbornly tested God in their hearts, demanding the foods they craved. Psalm 78:18

Oh boy, was this ever a grab for me. Luckily the rest of my reading was in 1 Kings 6 and 7 which is all about building the temple, because my mind could not get off of that verse in Psalms. Not so much because it had the word “food” in it… although of course that is what grabbed my attention in the first place, but of the specific words and what they revealed to me about the condition of my heart pre-covenant (and sometimes the during-covenant).

I have tested God for years… not so much on purpose, but by just relying on other things to “save” me. And by thinking that being skinny was the end-all-be-all of life. As if being skinny would make all of my problems go away. To give you an example of how sick, sick, sick my heart was… there were times that I would secretly (and I mean secretly) hope for cancer so that I could be forced by chemo into losing weight. SICK! I’m so ashamed that I have ever had such thoughts, but part of this blog deal is to be open and honest. And if my cookie dough experience wasn’t enough to convince you that I needed help, then maybe that little tid bit of info might.

But the demanding part really got me as well… because I have had that kind of attitude with God for so long. As in, well, I’ll give up bread and chips and sodas… but do not ask me to give up chocolate. Seriously, cause I won’t do it.

Well, completely unbeknownst to me that it was happening, my “I won’t do it” turned into “I can’t do it”. And I found myself… not just wanting God’s help but needing it. having to have it. being unable without it.

And so, I guess this is just a reminder of how desperate my heart needed some… reconditioning.

And reconditioning it, He is.

Day Eighteen: Glutton Free Pizza

I think last night was one of my first tests… and I “won”!

Our oldest boy requested a pizza and movie night, so my husband took him to pick them up. They went to Walmart and got their Meat Lovers pizza which was fine (although I would have loved a veggie supreme… never thought those words would come out of my mouth) because I just picked off the pepperonis and sausages… just like a kid, hehe!

Now, ya see, I love Walmart pizzas and usually gorge myself on them… five or six big ol’ pieces. But this time… my mind actually wanted to eat within limitation.

Okay, okay. So what’s the big deal? The big deal is that I wanted to limit myself. Not because I want to lose weight. Not to be healthy. Not to save some to sneak later. Not to impress my husband with my dainty self-control. Not even so that I could have a topic for my next post. But because I am not a glutton.

Not anymore.

I am not a glutton. I am a new creation.