Re: Hey! I found your blog last night…

Hey! I found your blog last night as I was googling. I too struggle with overeating. I have been on a chronic dieter and lately all it’s doing is driving me crazy! I was wondering where you are now in your journey. What foods are you staying away from? I feel like I will probably have to do something drastic to find victory and freedom. I just don’t know what to do or how to stick to anything.

I got this message today from someone on facebook and I started to write a reply to her on there, but then I thought… hey, maybe everyone would like to know this… soooooo, here’s my “update”. It started out as an actual “reply” and then sorta morphed into a message to… everyone…

I’m on a bit of a struggle myself right now to be perfectly honest! I have found though that when I stick to the foods on my list (thecovenantdiet.com/what-i-eat) I’m totally golden!

But that’s the hard part. Notice how I said I’m golden WHEN I stick to the foods on my list! I get caught up in the three-day-diet cycle… I can stick to it for three days and then I crater and then I eat like crap for four days (cause everyone knows that you can’t start anything until a Monday, right??? Ha!). When I made the commitment originally and I committed for a year, I was totally great… it was almost easy… but then as soon as I was “done” with that year I started to do that justification game with sweets: “Oh it’s a special occasion.” or “Oh I don’t really have any good food in the house” and my fav “Well, I already messed up for the day so might as well go for it!“, etc. But then it got to the point where I stopped caring… even if I committed my eating and my nutrition to God. I think my subconscious knew that the main reason I was committing to God was only because I wanted to get the weight off again – not that I actually cared what God thought.

I think that it bothers me MORE that I’m going through a phase of not really caring either way if I’m honoring God or not… that’s more worrisome than needing a larger pair of jeans. Keeping it real…

I need to get myself connected with God through habitually meeting with Him every single day.

I have completely neglected that very thing over the past year or two and I can tell that it is permeating into every little aspect of my life. Like, I don’t care right now that my kids are sitting playing our iPad for the past hour. I don’t care that my kitchen looks like the cabinets vomited out every single plate, cup, and utensil we own. I don’t care that I have a week of laundry piled up. I don’t care that my hair looks a mess. I don’t care that I’ve stayed up until midnight for four days in a row and I am killllllling my body, my mind, my patience, my willpower. I don’t care that I just ate half a bowl of cookie dough. Heck…

I don’t even care that I don’t care!

Okay, well, I sorta do care about that one a little. I guess that’s why I’m writing this. But what I do know is that my soul won’t change… my soul won’t care unless I go to The One that made my soul. The One who crafted me. The One who genuinely cares that I… care.

Will meeting with Him every day “fix” me? Geez. I dunno. Will meeting with Him every day help to realign who I am with what I am meant to be: a blessing? Well, it is certainly a start.

But y’all. I ain’t gonna lie…

I need help.

I need some encouragement to do that! I don’t have anyone in my life that I am committed to in that regard… maybe one of you will commit with me. I don’t know… maybe we can make one of those facebook groups or something? Some place… some people… where I can be reminded every day to go to Him who will remind me every day that I am intended to be a blessing and where I can remind you that you are intended to be a blessing. Where we can remind each other that we love the Word of God. That we NEED the Word of God. Where we can remind each other that a focus on Him is a blessing to us and then that’s a blessing to the world. To be told time and time again that this food thing is only to distract us from our purpose.

I totally feel like I’m putting out there some kind of “Will you be my friend” plea or something! Haha! But, hey, why not?!?!?! Will you? Will you be my friend? I’ll be your friend! We can help each other look to God… I just know it. What do you think???

Maybe, comment on here if you have an idea or would want to “be my friend” (haha)… or if you are on facebook or twitter let me know on there by commenting on a post or replying to a tweet. Let’s see what we can figure out!

(And thanks to Miss Facebook Message Girl for messaging me… I know that you were reaching out for yourself, but your message will hopefully end up as a blessing to all of us!)

Beans For A Birthright

I like a preacher who yells a little.

Makes some jokes.

Walks around a lot.

Yells a little more.

And uses lots and lots of scripture.

To each his own, but that is just the kind of preacher I like to listen to. So, when my hubby introduced me to the hours and hours and hours of archived sermons from Elevation Church with Steven Furtick… not gonna lie, I was kind of excited. Cause the guy does all of those things. I’m not usually the type to jump into what all the “cool kids” are watching, but… I dunno. God just speaks through him… to me.

So, since I’m working again, I have about a 25-30 minute “commute” from my house to the school where I teach. About ten of that is spent in the car with my oldest before I drop him off, but then afterwards, I plug in my iPhone and listen to the audio of Furtick’s teachings (there’s an app… you can watch or download a podcast).

Well, when I started listening in, I just went back and picked one called #DeathToSelfie and I thought it looked interesting for two reasons:

  1. The whole concept of DEATH to SELFIES!?!?! Nooooo, I love selfies!!!! (Yes, I am *that* friend.)
  2. The picture on the front was just… intriguing… like in an artsy kind of way. Look at it… isn’t that just… cool??? (Click on the pic to go to the main page for this series.)

deathtoselfie

So, ya know… I obviously picked it for VERY spiritual reasons.

And let me tell you: I would really, really, really, really encourage you to check out this sermon series. Especially, part two… called Starving Sons (Beware of the Bowl). Here… read this:

As the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter. He was an outdoorsman, but Jacob had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home. Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home, but Rebekah loved Jacob. One day when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau arrived home from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. Esau said to Jacob, “I’m starved! Give me some of that red stew!” (This is how Esau got his other name, Edom, which means “red.”) “All right,” Jacob replied, “but trade me your rights as the firstborn son.” “Look, I’m dying of starvation!” said Esau. “What good is my birthright to me now?” But Jacob said, “First you must swear that your birthright is mine.” So Esau swore an oath, thereby selling all his rights as the firstborn to his brother, Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and lentil stew. Esau ate the meal, then got up and left. He showed contempt for his rights as the firstborn. Genesis 25:27-34

Now, I’m with Furtick… I always read this and thought “WHAT. AN. IDIOT.” But, like he brings up… we do this alllllllllll theeeeeeeee timeeeeeeee. And you and I, my friend, we might just be doing this with food… literally.

We have this birthright now that we are sons and daughters of God… a birthright of freedom from the enticements of this world, but we come in STARVING (and knowing us, we probably aren’t starving for food, but for something else… love, comfort, a break) and we convince ourselves that it’s “worth it” to trade our birthright of freedom from food… for a bowl of beans.

Who, praytell, ever wants a bowl of beans?

No one. They are beans.

That Twix… yo. It’s really just BEANS.
The bag of Cheetos? Yep. BEANS.
Even that Mocha Frappachino at Starbucks… beany bean bean BEANS.

If we are eating it or drinking it for any reason other than we’re hungry, then we are trading our birthright for beans.

So, this week… ever since listening to this, I’ve been repeating to myself over and over again all day (even when I’m not around food) “My birthright for beans… my birthright for beans… my birthright for beans…” It’s making me come face to face a lot of the day with the REAL choice that I’m making.

Am I choosing my God-given birthright?

Or beans?

 

(Hey, so seriously… listen to/watch this series, or at least the first two… because he goes into way more detail and explanation than I even got remotely close to in this post.)

The Worst Kind Of Success

I feel as if I need to come clean before we even get started…

I just ate four Lindt chocolates.

(Hey… at least I went for the good stuff.)

And ya know, I’m not entirely killing myself over it either. It was sort of a test run. First of all, I haven’t had sugar since December 26th and compared to how my covenant eating has gone over the past few months, THAT ALONE is like a flipping miracle!

Tonight I went to my niece’s birthday and someone plopped a piece of strawberry shortcake in front of me. And not just any ol strawberry shortcake, but made from scratch strawberry shortcake… and if you don’t think “from scratch” is an important detail to this story, then maybe this blog is not for you… cause here at this “diet blog” we reallllllly like food. ;) And I thought “Let’s see what happens… let’s see if somehow, in the lengthy experience {sarcasm} of the past nine days, I have possibly found the fortitude within to eat a little bit and then resist.” So, I ate the cake and then that was it! Success!

Until I got home and accidentally stumbled across those dadgum Lindt chocolates. If it had been the icky-no-good-low-quality regular ol’ chocolates then I probably would have been fine. But nooooooooooo. It had to be Lindt.

Well, you know the rest of the story… if you haven’t lived it yourself then you can certainly fill in the blanks: Because I’d already had sugar tonight, I “might as well”, so I ate “just one” whichhhhhhhhhhhh turned into all of them.

But, I’m sorta glad for a couple of reasons. Here’s why…

I was sorta on the fence about going hardcore with the sugar thing again this year. Like, maybe I should try out that whole balance thing again. Honestly, I knew… I mean… I KNEWWWWWWW it wouldn’t work to have both. But I guess I just needed one last reminder.

Even more so though… ya see, my teacher, James Tippit… he has been talking a lot lately about the idea that sometimes the parts of our lives that we think are successes, God might look at them and just brush them away. But parts of our lives that we view as dismal failures… He might say…

Oh no honey… look… look where I was here… here… and here. This part where you thought all was lost, where you thought you were a mess, a disaster, a wreck… oh, dearest… this is when I was DOIN WORK in your life… in your soul. I was filling in those parts where you were weak… to be strong. I was changing you, forming you, molding you. Making you more like me.

And this is why, tonight, after those infuriating (but honestly… totally divine) Lindt chocolates, I wasn’t in utter dispair. Because this looked like a dismal failure.

Heck, this whole COVENANT DIET itself looks like a dismal failure to me right now… but when I am weak, then HE. IS. STRONG. Perhaps He is just using this whole thing to help melt my heart and reform me… renew me… purify me.

So, tonight, I ask God…

Be strong within me God. Show me how strong you are through my dismal failures. Melt my heart and help me to fall in love with You again. Help me to fall in love with your kindness, your compassion, your ever-ready forgiveness, your patience. Help me to look back on my life and see all of these wonderful, beautiful moments that have changed me, formed me, molded me. Melt me down and make me more like You, so that I might be a blessing. I love you, God. I do. I love you.

Day 762: Maybe God’s Not Done

There is always a lesson.

In every heartache, in every delay, in every disappointment.

There is a lesson we can learn.

A lot of times we don’t want to learn that lesson. Or at least we want to say, “Show me something new God… but, just not this way.” We don’t want to admit that His Way of teaching us is the most perfect way… even when it hurts. even when it takes forever. even when it keeps us from the very thing we so desperately want.

Yeah. So I know all that yet I still find myself frustrated, depressed, and downright angry whenever God makes me learn a lesson His Way. So, I continue to turn to Him, like I did in my prayer on Friday.

At my wits end, I turn to Him.

And I as I start to try to see things His way, I start to see a semblance of the lesson He is working in me.

Maybe… maybe I did that first year of covenant for God to show me that He can do miracles in my life. For Him to show me that He cared. For Him to show me that His Ways are so much better than mine.

And maybe…

maybe He’s not done yet.

I mean, maybe He wants to show me even more through this struggle with food… through this addiction to the very thing that keeps me alive and yet is killing me at the same time. Maybe He wants me to see that He is powerful enough within me to conquer my issues with food. That He has the strength to enable me to overcome these issues and develop a healthy relationship with food.

Maybe… yeah, maybe God wants more for me than I even want for myself.

Maybe He’s just not done yet.

And if that’s the case, maybe I’m not done with me either.

Maybe God's Not Done Yet

Day 738: Every Day, In Every Way

Day 738 The Covenant Diet - Every Day, In Every Way

My son has a ptosis on his right eyelid. He’s had it since birth and the doctors said it might just resolve on its own but it hasn’t.

Honestly, I hardly even notice it anymore.

It’s not super severe, but it’s there.

He never really noticed it until lately. I mean, he’d say: “One of my eyes is sleepy” and then he’d move on to build something amazing with his Legos, but that was really it. No biggie.

Until.

Until he went to school.

And wow – other kids were really keen to point it out. Not maliciously, but just “Hey! One of your eyes is closed!” He would just shrug at first and say “Yeah. I was born that way.” He handled it so well. Again, no biggie.

But recently he has become very aware of it and whereas before he wouldn’t let us even discuss the idea of surgery, now he is the one asking for it. {He’s going to have to have surgery because it is affecting his vision.}

And last night on the way home from church he said, “Mom! Please, can we just go get my eye fixed tomorrow? Cause, like, everyone is making fun of it and I just want it fixed.”

I wanted to sit down with him and say, “Oh man. I get ya. I get it. But I promise that even though we’ll get that eye fixed, kids are gonna find something else. They always find something else.” But I decided that was a bit too “mature” of a response for him. So, I said,

I understand that you want it fixed and that it hurts your feelings when others tease you. I’m really sorry for all of that. Ya know, when I was younger, people used to tease me about something too.

What? What did they tease you about?

My hair. My very, big curly hair.

But I like your big hair.

Yeah, me too. But it’s wasn’t “normal” and so kids teased me about it. But know what I learned? I learned first of all that Jesus loves me, all of me, big hair and all.

{My son then pointed out that I also have a big belly and that sometimes people make fun of people with big bellies. Yeah. Thanks dude.}

And I also learned that it didn’t matter what was on the outside… my big hair or my big belly… because what was on the inside was more important: that I am fun, that I love to laugh, that I am nice to people no matter what, that Jesus loves me all the time, every day, in every way.

{He then pointed out that I am fun but that I am not very good at Mario. Okay, well, I’ll give him that one. I am not very good at Mario. Like… at all. And this is a serious hit on my level of “coolness” in our house.}

And later that night I thought about our little conversation. I was trying to decide if I had gotten anything into his soul about the truth of what he should think about himself. But I couldn’t make myself think of him: I just kept talking to myself… about myself.

January, do you really believe that? Do you really believe that it doesn’t matter what is on the outside? When you looked in the mirror before church tonight and cursed the fates because you were wearing your “fat jeans” and you still had a roll sticking out over the top – it mattered to you. It mattered what was on the outside.

I had to answer myself: Yes. Yes. It does matter. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to totally make it NOT matter on this side of heaven. But what a great reminder that it’s not what matters to Jesus. Not saying that He doesn’t want me to take care of my body, and not saying that He doesn’t care about what I care about, but that just that He… He loves me.

He loves me.

He loves you.

All the time.

Every day.

In every way.

So just stop. Stop for a second right now. Stop and close your eyes and whisper His name. Whisper the name of Jesus.

Jesus… fill me with Your Love right now. I want to feel Your Love. I need to feel it. I need to know that when you see me, you just see the core of me. I need to know that in your mind, your gaze pierces through to the heart of me. I need to know that in your mind, your gaze burns through the mistakes, through the fears, through the facades, and that it just sees me: Your daughter. Your wonderful, beautiful, lovely daughter. Remind me today Jesus. Remind me to whisper Your Name. Remind me to push past all that is temporary when I look at myself and to see me as you see me. Remind me to love myself the way You love me: all the time. every day. in every way.

Day 659: Where Have You Been?

Now that I feel like I’m starting over, I thought it would be a good time to do a little bit of looking back.

Not so much to see what went “wrong” but more so to see where He was.

Because you know that saying “Hindsight is 20/20″? Well, that’s the cool thing about being on the other side of a struggle spiritually is that you get to see all of those places where God was working. It’s kind of like that Footprints in the Sand story… ya know where God is walking with this guy and they are looking back at his “spiritual beach” where they walked together and there are footprints. So the guy looks back and is all like “God, I see here when I was happy in my life and doing well there were two sets of footprints in the sand where you and I were walking side by side. But here in my life where I struggled and worried and hurt… there is only one set of footprints. Why did you leave me when I needed you most?!?!” And God replies, “It wasn’t that I left you… those moments when you see only one set of footprints… that is when I carried you.”

Honestly, I was going to make fun of that story just now before I typed it because I’ve heard it soooooooo many times it’s almost become cheesy to me. But as I look back at the “spiritual beach of my life” over the past nine months I know that He has carried me more times than I realized. So, my little story there, instead of being cheesy to me, just brought tears to my eyes.

It’s not just that He was working in me during that time… but He was carrying me too.

And, well, let’s be honest… sometimes He was probably dragging me kicking and screaming. I bet a few times he just flung me over his shoulder while I threw my little temper tantrum.

But, He kept on.

And that is my message for you friends!

HE WILL KEEP ON.

God doesn’t stop with His plan for your life. He doesn’t pause. He doesn’t take a coffee break. He doesn’t falter or sidetrack.

God will keep on working.

Even when it doesn’t feel like there is any way on earth that you could be part of His plan… He is working in you and He is carrying you.

Stay close. Keep the faith (literally). Stay the course.

Day 653: Just Like Jonah

Lately I’ve been continuing to think about what can I do to help me get back on track. Well, to get back on track faster. I know that I’m on the right track of fighting back against my issues with food, but admittedly, I just want to be over it… faster.

So I tend to want to go back to how I did things at the beginning: by fasting for a few weeks. But then my brain is all like “No, you need a total 100% lifestyle change!” but, honestly, I am so daunted by that. The rest of my life… to commit to eating healthy without sugar for the rest of my life!?!?! It’s such a HUGE commitment. So instead, I just avoid it. I eat MORE junk than I would have normally. Cause… yeah, like that’s gonna help.

I’m afraid of making a huge commitment of “sacrifice” so what do I do? I run from it.

Like Jonah.

And just like God caused Jonah to get DUMPED into the sea to put him back on course, so will God do the same to me. So maybe it’s time to say, “God. I’m the one. I’m causing this ship to toss about in this terrible storm. I give up. Send me back to the path.”

So, I say that to Him now.

Say it with me if you are struggling (in any area):

God, put me back on Your path.

Allow me, as Jonah did, to see your undeserved grace and mercy.

I ask that, as with Jonah, your grace and mercy would fall on me and on those who hear my story and hear your offer of mercy.

Your way.

Your path.

Your message.

is life.

Help me, God. Help me to choose your true life.

 jonah belly of the whale

Day 623: Perfectly Prepared

Trust In The Slow Work of God

I’m learning… slowly and not easily… what Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said in his writings, to “Trust the slow work of God.”

And it’s not that I’m the type of person that wants things super fast.

I mean, hey, my favorite way to cook is in the SLOW cooker.

My favorite days are long summer days that seem endless.

And I learned very quickly that a 30-minute massage was not going to cut it… I needed something much more lengthy. (For the record, 90 minutes is my fav.)

See? So  one would think that I’d be totally down with my life being, essentially, a slow cooker meal… it’s just gonna take a while to be ready.

But.

Here’s the difference between my life and a slow cooker.

In my life, God is the cook… and only He knows how long I need to sit in that slow cooker. You see, oftentimes, I think that I’m “done” too soon and I’m ready to get out. But what do we all know will happen if you take something out of the slow cooker too soon?

It’s GROSS. It’s not right. It’s… not. done.

So you either have to put it right back in the slow cooker for a while longer and wait, or you have to toss that thing in the microwave (in which case, it’s never as good and it’s often burned in places or very, very dry).

Uh huh. Ya seeing my little comparison there?

Sometimes when we think we are “done” with struggle… we find ourselves shocked that it comes at us again. But oftentimes, we are simply not “done”. God knows that our hearts are still a sloppy mess of raw tendons and sinews, of blood and bacteria. On the outside you might not be able to see it, but on the inside He knows the condition of our “done-ness”.

Or, if we are insistent on staying out of the slower cooker (and often, we are resistant to God’s “holy recipe” for our life), then He ends up having to toss us in the microwave where the struggle is MUCH more difficult, MUCH more trying, and MUCH more life-sucking (in lieu of far fancier words that I could use there). And although we get “cooked” all the way through that way too, there is often just less of a fulfillment in our life, just as the food is never just as good when cooked super fast. We get burned. And our inner cores aren’t really exactly the same: we often have to have extra water or moisture (cue the spiritual ketchup or mayo) to compensate for our speedy-bake.

The easy part about me really cooking in a slow cooker is that I can plan my life around it: I know EXACTLY when dinner will be ready.

The hard part of God being in charge of my slow cooked life is that I have no clue WHEN I’ll be done.

And that, my friends, is often my issue with “trusting the slow work of God.”

But just like my children have to wait for the awesomeness of a slow cooked meal… smelling the aroma for hours, salivating every time a waft rushes by… so do I have the pleasure of waiting, and trusting in the slow work of God.

Because as I look around as His creation, I know that He is an amazing “cook”. And I know that whenever He takes me out of that “slow cooker” situation… Not a moment too soon. Not a moment too late. It means that I’m ready. done. prepared.

Perfectly prepared to be an enjoyment to my God.

Day 575: The “New” New

20130807-152624.jpg

Remember that time that I sorta went off the healthy eating reservation and struggled with food, and subsequently my weight, for several months…

Okay, for seven months…

And then when I finally snapped to about a week ago when I did a four-day Daniel Fast (which has turned into a twenty-one day Daniel Fast), I realized…

Wow. I gained quite a bit of weight during those seven months of struggle.

Cue: Time to get down on myself. Time to beat myself up. Time to question God’s plan. Time to cope by eating more. Time to reprimand myself for sinning. Time to cower before God’s punishment.

Only… this time that didn’t happen. Cause ya know why?

Cause I am new.

Yes, I know. New… once again.

I was new a year ago when I first started the covenant, and I coasted off of that newness for 365 days. Until I decided, in my infinite wisdom, that I could be both the old me and the new me.

Fail.

But now, I am a “new” new.

I have learned even more about God and His plans and His thinking and His ways.

His ways aren’t my ways.
My ways aren’t His ways.

I know now that after this 21 days that there will be another 21 days and another 21 days and another.

And I know now that after those 21 days, that this lifestyle of eating will continue until I transfer my residency from Earth to Heaven.

Because I have realized that God wants to heal me… not for just a year, but for a lifetime.

God, I want a permanent healing. Not just a year. Not just five years. I want to be fresh and “new” new forever. You see, these seven months I’ve been just holding on. Holding on to you. I’ve been depending on You, God; knowing that you are everything I need. Keep loving me, God, with all you’ve got— that’s what I’ve been depending on. Psalm 33:20,22 And now I keep holding on, but I feel like now I’ve let you pull me off of the cliff and that we are, once again, walking together. Help me stay waking with You, God. Amen.

Day 524: Sour Laundry

These days, it seems I’m lucky to get a chance to write. My life has just turned into one big don’t-have-time-to-write slur of days. And there have been days in a row where my fingers are, literally, aching with words to write. But sitting down for the thirty minutes per post (minimum) to write is just not happening lately.

But don’t give up on me! My oldest starts full-time Kindergarten in the fall and my youngest will be going to preschool two days a week… and my husband has been emphatic that I spend those ten hours a week of non-kid life… writing! So, if you can make it with my sporadic writing until August then there will be a reward.

Well, sorta. I mean… a reward as in, I will write with regularity. Ha!

Okay, with that being said. I sorta wish that today had been one of those days in which I wrote this morning instead of now because I think I could have used some positivity and prayer… well… much, much earlier than right before bed. Ha!

We went on an impromptu whirlwind trip to the beach this past weekend (it was my kids’ first trip to the beach) and so needless to say, there was no time to think much less write. And then this morning, there was noooooo wayyyyyyy I was going to wake up before my kids I was so exhausted.

So when I finally got up and going, I came across a washer full of clothes that I put in on Thursday morning before this happened:

Husband: Let’s go to the beach.
Me: Okayyyyyy, when?
Husband: Uhhhh, now.
Me: Now as in… now?!?!
Husband: Now as in… like in an hour? Come on. It’ll be fun. It’ll be my Father’s Day present.

I do love being impromptu and now that we have kids we are almost NEVER impromptu and so as I looked at the calendar, I realized… now really WAS the best time to go. So, I said yes.

And we left two hours later for the beach.

And I forgot about the load of laundry in the wash.

Gross. Gag. Ewwww. Ick.

My day just sorta never really perked back up after that. It was a sour laundry kind of a day. A very, very typical Monday.

{This is where I’m supposed to write one of my encouraging posts
with positivity and prayer, buuuuuuuuut I’m not.
Annnnnnnnnnd I’ll tell you why.}

Well, first of all… I hate to write these things. I feel like I’m letting you down. I know I’m letting Him down. But I don’t want you to look at this post and think, “Oh, this whole thing didn’t work for her… it won’t work for me either.” Because that’s not it. So, just stick with me for a sec.

I ate a bunch of chocolate this weekend. And then again today.

I think it’s safe to say, I’m struggling.

I think it’s even safer to say… that the phrase “I’m struggling” is an understatement.

And here’s why I chose to stop my positivity thing and share this with you. I turned into The Promise Bible to see if there was something that sorta “fit” my mood today and lookie at what I turned to…

20130617-224922.jpg

Yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m gonna admit that I froze still when I saw that. I’m not one for the whole “turn to a random page and that is God talking to you” philosophy but dannnnnnng these two pages facing each other sure as heck got my attention.

And I’ve been following this guy The Anti-Jared on his facebook and his instagram. And he posted this pic the other day on facebook with the following comment.

the anti jared“When I was struggling I took a picture at 272 pounds. I am under 200 now.
But being a father motivates me to be my best. And it is better than any food I have ever eaten.”

And I know that I’m supposed to either get something from the quote in the pic or from his being a father motivates him… but ya know what I zoned in on and have been zoning in on? “When I was struggling…” I think that this is key for me right now… this guy struggled. But he feels powerful and in control now. But at this point… he was struggling. But he persevered. He stuck with it. And so now he can say “WHEN I was struggling…”

It’s not that I took comfort in the fact that he struggled. It’s that I take comfort in the fact that he overcame! And it’s like I just need to keep on… keepin on. I remind myself now “This is a journey. This is a journey. This is a journey.” It’s not about sinning or not sinning. It’s not about yesterday or today. It’s about the journey. It’s about staying focused on that destination and running for it at times, and at other times trudging towards it. But the key… THE KEY… is to keep. moving. forward.

So, I think that maybe I’ve come full circle to my positivity. And well… I started to bold the “important” parts and then I realized that I had bolded the whole thing. Ha!

Slow down… slow down and really look at this.

My child, pay attention to what I say.

Listen carefully to my words.

Don’t lose sight of them.

Let them penetrate deep into your heart,

for they bring life to those who find them,

and healing to their whole body.

Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life.

Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.

Look straight ahead,

and fix your eyes on what lies before you.

Mark out a straight path for your feet;

stay on the safe path.

Don’t get sidetracked;

keep your feet from following evil.

Proverbs 4:20-27

Oh Lord God… today I am humbled yet again. Today I am reminded of the fact that I can only do this through Your Power and in Your Timing. Help me to remember that this. is. a. journey. This is not over just because I ate some Easter m&ms. This is just a step in the journey.

I realize now how important it is to keep my eye on The Prize. I think that I’ve let my eye wander away from You and focus more on my weight and weight loss than on you. As always, bring me back. And ya know… I can tell you are. I can see in all the tiny ways that are adding up that you are bringing me back around. I know, God, that I’m going to stay on this path. And I’m going to stay on it because I know that You won’t give up on me. And if you won’t give up on me… then I think that I won’t give up on me either.

But I hear your words to “guard my heart above all else” and I know that is my new focus. I’ve been more focused for months on “guarding my food choices above all else” and I think that I was just deterring off of the “safe path” that you speak of. Again, God, please… bring me back. I give myself to you. Broken, again. Hurting, again. Ready, again.

Thank you that your mercies ARE truly new each morning. Thank you that I can shake this off and begin again with my eyes on what is ahead. Guide me through tomorrow God. Keep me on the safe path and keep my eyes focused on You. Ohhhhhhhhh howdy. How I love You.

Amen.