My husband said the other day,
“In the morning, I always know who I want to be and how I want to act and what I want to do. I know all of that in the morning. It’s maintaining that throughout the day that is the tough part.”
Then tonight, I thought the same thing as I was brushing my teeth. “Here I am at the end of my day, and I can look back and see all of the things I wish I’d done differently and I can look myself in the mirror and say ‘Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll be who I want to be. I’ll be what I want to be. I’ll act the way I want to act.‘”
But then tomorrow always comes, and despite all of my resolve, all of my willpower, all of my hope, and self-promises, and pep talks… despite all of that, I still find myself just sleep walking right back into the “old” me. The old-me who didn’t follow through on all of that resolve, willpower, hope, promises, pep talks.
Way to be depressing, January.
But I’m always up for a little introspective conversation, so I asked myself, “Why? Why do I know who I want to be in the morning before the day starts, then sleep walk through the day making the SAME OL STINKING CHOICES AGAIN AND AGAIN, and then know who I should have been when it’s night again?
It’s like a can’t, or don’t… stop. I need to… I just need to… stop.”
And then, of course, what started to run through my mind?
Stop, collaborate, and listen.
Yep. That’s right. Vanilla Ice’s famous song began to run through my head.
But really. It’s so. totally. spot. on. to what I need to be doing with my life. with my eating. with my prayer.
I’ve got to stop.
And I mean literally, physically, spiritually…
Honestly, I picture myself standing next to my fridge.
In my mind, I can see the candy buckets up on top.
And then I see myself, stopped.
Both hands on the edge of the counter.
Leaning over, looking down.
Taking a deep breath.
And remembering again… remembering who I want to be. how I want to be. what I want to do.
Asking God to help make me into that image that I have in my mind.
Asking God to help make me into His image.
While I stop.
And ask God to stop with me.
And collaborate with me.
While I listen to Him.