Day 639: It’s Not Always About You

working at la madeleine

Every Tuesday and Thursday, both my Kindergartener and my Preschooler are at school for about four and a half hours, and so I often escape away to a coffee shop (if you follow The Covenant Diet on instagram then you’re used to seeing my “I’m working” pics as proof for my husband that I am, indeed, working and not out shopping all day)!

This past Tuesday, I went to La Madeleine to work (they have a great patio… with a plug for my laptop) even though I just felt like my soul was dry as a bone. I tried to work for, like two hours, with pretty much no result. It was like everything that was coming out of me was… blah.

So, after a ginormous group of very loud, very talkative women came in and set up shop right next to me (despite the fact that there were, like, fifteen other tables to sit at), I decided to pack it up and go home and do chores so that I’d at least be doing SOMETHING productive.

And on the way home, I got behind the slowest Walmart truck in all of creation and THEN got behind the slowest lawn mower truck in the world. I kept thinking… something is going on. Like, I feel like there is some kind of spiritual battle going on right now. Like, if my life was really like the book This Present Darkness and I could see the spiritual realm then I would see demons and angels battling it out all around me… for me.

So I took it slow going home, went in and thought “I’m gonna go right back to my patio and just chill and see what God wants to say.”

Well, my husband was sitting right inside the front door when I came home. Honestly, I wanted to just blow right by him… I was afraid that he and I would talk and I would miss out on what God wanted to say. But he needed to talk, and so I was deterred from my plan.

And THANK GOODNESS because He’d been having some kind of major revival on his own while I was gone and he just started to pour out his soul to me… which basically caused me to have some kind of major revival… by association! When the joy of the Lord is around you, it’s just… awesome, no matter who He brought His word to in the first place.

The whole thing was just a reminder for me… that, it’s not always about ME.

It’s not always about MY  spiritual walk.

MY weight loss.

MY  pants size.

MY fears. hopes. dreams.

Sometimes God is at work and that work is not all about me.

And honestly, that is just downright kind of refreshing.

Day 575: The “New” New

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Remember that time that I sorta went off the healthy eating reservation and struggled with food, and subsequently my weight, for several months…

Okay, for seven months…

And then when I finally snapped to about a week ago when I did a four-day Daniel Fast (which has turned into a twenty-one day Daniel Fast), I realized…

Wow. I gained quite a bit of weight during those seven months of struggle.

Cue: Time to get down on myself. Time to beat myself up. Time to question God’s plan. Time to cope by eating more. Time to reprimand myself for sinning. Time to cower before God’s punishment.

Only… this time that didn’t happen. Cause ya know why?

Cause I am new.

Yes, I know. New… once again.

I was new a year ago when I first started the covenant, and I coasted off of that newness for 365 days. Until I decided, in my infinite wisdom, that I could be both the old me and the new me.

Fail.

But now, I am a “new” new.

I have learned even more about God and His plans and His thinking and His ways.

His ways aren’t my ways.
My ways aren’t His ways.

I know now that after this 21 days that there will be another 21 days and another 21 days and another.

And I know now that after those 21 days, that this lifestyle of eating will continue until I transfer my residency from Earth to Heaven.

Because I have realized that God wants to heal me… not for just a year, but for a lifetime.

God, I want a permanent healing. Not just a year. Not just five years. I want to be fresh and “new” new forever. You see, these seven months I’ve been just holding on. Holding on to you. I’ve been depending on You, God; knowing that you are everything I need. Keep loving me, God, with all you’ve got— that’s what I’ve been depending on. Psalm 33:20,22 And now I keep holding on, but I feel like now I’ve let you pull me off of the cliff and that we are, once again, walking together. Help me stay waking with You, God. Amen.

Day Sixty-Two: Nothing To Say

It’s actually day sixty-three when I am writing this. And admittedly I am sorta making myself sit down to write. Which is strange because I typically have something on my mind, but for the past two days there just hasn’t been much.

Admittedly, it was a full weekend spiritually speaking and so it could have been that my brain and heart felt “purged”. I got to talk more than usual with my husband since the kids were with my in-laws and he sure did hear me talk about the covenant and Jesus quite a bit!

Also, it’s my husband’s Spring Break (he’s a teacher) and so he’s around and I sorta just want to spend all my extra time with him (and, well, another person also means another meal to cook at lunch and another pile of dirty clothes to pick up, etc).

But when it all boils down to it, I know that the reason I have nothing to say is that I have skipped reading my bible for the past two days.

Why?

Because I have slept in. The time change on Sunday did something to my sons’ internal clocks and they have slept in until 8:00 on Monday and 7:30 this morning. Now that might not sound like sleeping in to someone else but for me it is… big time. I wake up by 6:00 every morning (including weekends) and my boys rarely… rarely… sleep in past 7:00.

I will totally admit that sleeping in has been great. And I will also admit that I haven’t felt like I have missed out on my bible readings.

But I know… I know that were I to push that any further that I would be risking so much. The Word has brought me so far… lifted me up so much… that I know that even if I don’t feel like I missed it, I know that I did. I know that some moment would have been different. better. more… full… had I read these past two mornings.

But again, that’s the cool thing about Jesus. He just picks up with me like I didn’t miss two days of meetings with him.

And so there’s always tomorrow. I can definitely say that my alarm is set for 6:00am tomorrow. I don’t want to miss Him again.