Day 153: Search Party

Am I eating too much?
Would this food honor God?
Why am I eating right now?
Is this food becoming a new “addiction”?

Ya know, so much of the success of this “diet” has had little to do with the actual food choices that I have made and far more to do with looking inside myself and really evaluating myself. I think that I knew pretty early that it wasn’t the food that was really the problem… cause when I looked at my basic diet it really wasn’t that bad… it was the “extras” (sugar, chocolate, bread, chips, etc) that were really getting to me, but I was never eating the “extras” because I was hungry and rarely was I eating them because I craved them… I was eating them for a slew of reasons that were in my heart and my soul and my mind.

And multiple times throughout this experience I have had to do some real honest looking at myself. Cause I honestly thought that once I cut out sugar and chocolate that my issues would be over. I don’t think I realized how much I was overeating as well on just regular foods nor did I realize that chips and bread really were issues for me as well.

So, as I would realize that I wasn’t losing weight (back when I was weighing) or that I wasn’t getting into any smaller sizes, then I have had to look at my life and my eating and my motivations and my thoughts and my Bible reading and my emotions and my… me. But all I have had to do was allow God to search me and show me what was going on. I may have fought it (like right now I am having a “discussion” with Him about dairy… and wouldn’t ya know, my favorite brand of feta cheese was OUT at Sam’s when I went today… in the year that I have been shopping there it has NEVER been out!) and I might not have chosen to add it to my covenant right away, but He always seems to show me.

And again I think that this is a part of the covenant diet that is going to spill over into other areas of my life… because I am learning a) that He will show me if there is something that offends Him, and b) that He will then lead me along the path of everlasting life… in essence, He will show me what to do. He will conquer it. He will purify me.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

The only “danger” here is that, like I said, He will show me if there is something that offends Him… but then He really expects me to do something about it. Now, I fully believe that only God can conquer habitual addictive sins. But He expects me to do what I can to help my earthly body to get away from that sin. For example, I knew that God would be the only one that could conquer my addiction to sugar, but my part was to make the deal with Him to give it up in the first place. I know that God can help me to find more self-motivation to do my work around the house, but first I’m going to have to commit to Him that I will make choices with my time to honor Him.

So, if He shows one of us that a certain food is an issue that needs to be added to our covenant, then we do it. If He shows us that although we agreed to only fast Monday-Saturday, that we need to add Sundays to the covenant agreement, then we do it (you know who you are- haha!).

But first, we must ask God to show us. reveal our true selves. test us. try us. know us. and the best part… lead us.

Day 149: Covenant Christy

Lately as I have conversations with other conventers, I find that some people expect… or maybe it’s that they hope… to have the same results as me. Nooooooot to sound cocky, but I think that if I was watching someone else undergo a similar transformation… well, I would want it too. So many of the people that know me have seen me go from 210 down to 160 (well, that’s what I weighed the last time I weighed a few weeks ago) and that’s a big change. Even I have had to make myself acknowledge the change a few times because it seems so drastic for just four short months.

But, God tends to be drastic sometimes.

But, God also tends to work differently through each of us. He works at different speeds. He moves our lives according to the “big picture”. He blesses some with an abundance of worldly gifts and some with eternal gifts. He is just… God.

And so I want to say first and foremost, that no one is going to have this covenant experience. It is mine. It is God’s. And that combination cannot be replicated. Which… is kind of cool for me: this moment in time as I write these words is completely and utterly unique. And it should be cool for you… this moment in time reading these words is completely and utterly unique.

All of that to say… I’m going to bring up my friend Christy again. I know, I know… I talk about her a lot. It’s just that she’s so extremely open about her life, her feelings, her thoughts, her experiences, etc. So, she gives me a lot of material to work with! Haha!

And Christy still has not lost weight… in fact, she has gained weight. So, I asked her the question the other day that I have had to ask myself many a time, “If you had to blame it on something, what do you think is causing it?” She knew pretty quickly what to say. She said, “I need to lay off the fruit salad.” Well, I’ll be honest. I was a little surprised that a bunch of fruit salad would make her gain weight… until she clarified that it wasn’t just plain fruit salad. It had fruit, and pecans, and some kind of fake cool whip. And she said she was really hittin it when the kids would go to bed. She’d sit at her laptop and eat fruit salad.

And her truthful self-analysis led me to do a bit of a self-analysis as well…

At the time I responded that I think part of why I have lost weight is because I really don’t eat as much as I used to. Like, she does a great job of making sure that her family is well fed. She makes meals. She keeps good produce in her house. And, well, I’m not like that (wish I was, but I’m not), and so quite often I would find myself coming up upon lunch and thinking, “Well, hmmmmmm, nothing much to eat, so I guess I’ll have a bowl of tomato basil soup. or sweet potato fries. or a salad.” Whatever was easiest. And often the easiest thing didn’t have a whole lot to it, so I was cutting down on the amount of what I was eating.

Now, my portion control is a bit more under control simply because I’m eating less and less “stuff” (i.e. chips and bread) and instead more fruit (like, I made a deal with myself to only eat fruit when I’m snacking). Plus, I have been really focusing more and more as the covenant goes on with the beneficial versus permissible and eating in such a way that would make God pleased. So, even though this really started out as a Daniel Fast… more often than not, my covenant is less about what I am eating and more about how much I am eating. First, I had to cut things out (like chocolate and meat) to just get over the “I have to have” mindset. But once I got past that, then I have had to refocus on “I need more” versus “I want more”.

And that’s what it boils down to… not only am I eating closer to what I think God intended my body to eat, but also I’m eating closer to the amount that God intended my body to eat. Eventually, my weight loss will stop because I will have, truly, found my body’s homeostasis.

But, in the meantime… honestly… I’m totally fine with losing weight! Haha!