Day 306: Dangeometer

As much as I wouldn’t like to admit this… I really think that maybe I’ve gained a little bit of weight back. Probably about 5 pounds or so… since I don’t weigh, I’m not sure. I say this because my “comfy jeans” are more like “snug jeans” around the middle. A big difference though between the way I looked at weight gain “then” and the way I look at weight gain now is that before, when I gained weight, it was me. my fault. my inadequacy. my failure. my worthlessness. my stupidity. me. me. me.

But now, I use weight gain as… well, as an indicator light. Which I like to call my “Dangeometer” which is a total steal from the movie Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs… and can I just say that I lovvvvvve that movie?!?! We just had to return it to the library after having had it for three weeks, and I’m pretty sure that I miss it more than the kids!

Anyway, my dangeometer is not necessarily an indicator that I’m eating poorly. or that I’m eating too much. or that I’m eating the “wrong” things.

It is honestly a pretty good indicator of where I am with Jesus.

Cause if I’m gaining weight then I know that I’m doing at least one of those eating things above. But the eating is, honestly, not what concerns me anymore. The eating is what shows me that something is off. It indicates to me that I’m not relying upon the One that satisfies. And that sets off an even bigger and more important dangeometer in my mind!

It’s really the first time in my life that I have realized that I had gained weight and not freaked out about my clothes not fitting… and not worried about how I will look in a bathing suit… and not felt like I was a failure at dieting. Cause when I pulled on my comfy jeans and thought “Hmmmmm, these are a bit snug… I wonder if I have gained a bit of weight back lately what with all my snagging a tortilla there and a few chippies there…” the next thing that I asked myself was, “Why am I relying on something else other than Jesus? It’s definitely time for some introspection… and prayer… and searching.”

Soooooooo much better than blaming myself, than talking down to myself, than hating on myself.

So I started off with a simple prayer that I’ll be praying over and over again:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

And then I read more about what to do:

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. James 4:7-10

Twice… I see to humble myself before God. Not sure what that exactly looks like… gonna be working through that. Probably though, as I “come close to God” I will be forced into humility… I have a feeling that the closer I get to His Presence, the more that my natural reaction will be to humble myself.

And seriously… ya know, considering that gaining a fewish pounds is gonna bring me a bit closer to God… I’m pretty glad those little fat globs found their way to my belly.

Day 173: Kriya For Kidneys

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So my friend Ana is getting her yoga certification and apparently with that she gets to sorta do some of her own “advanced” yoga kind of stuff. She said it was called kriya, and from the thirty seconds that I researched it on the internet, it looks like kriya can range from doing some crazy yoga moves that will clear out constipation (seriously)… all the way to cleaning out your closet.

(She was telling me the latter type of kriya – ha!)

Anyway, one of the parts of kriya, which at it’s core seems to be about cleansing, is to rid yourself of unwanted, unnecessary, unhelpful, unmotivating “stuff” from your life. According to Ana, starting in the closet is a good place to begin. So, I gave it a try… now, my closet is already pretty streamlined because it is soooooooo tiny. It’s a “walk in closet” but only in name… cause that’s all you can do… is take one. step. in. and then look around. But I certainly had some things that were in there that I was making bad associations.

Like the shirt above… first of all, I always feel like I’m going clubbing when I wear it, but ummmmmm… in case you can’t tell from the posts about my life… clubbing is not something that I do anymore. And lest you think it’s because I am so terribly upstanding and righteous, it is actually because I just get grossed out by all the sweaty people, and desperate guys, and the late, late nights… so, basically, it’s just because I’m old! Haha! (Plus, I dance pretty much all the time in my house, thank you very much Pandora).

Also, I bought it when I was several sizes bigger and I thought it made me look skinny (which it was a flattering shirt), and once I put it on at my size now I was a little disgusted with myself for wearing it before… it looked snug on me now so I would imagine that it was wayyyyyyyyy too snug then.

Annnnnnnnnd, I have to safety pin the straps on the under-shirt part of it so that it doesn’t hang down to my belly button… it’s one of those shirts that I’m pretty sure about three days after I bought it at full price, they put it on the clearance rack for 75% off or sent them all off to Ross.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, it was always. forever. constantly. falling off of the hanger it was on. It didn’t matter WHAT type of hanger I put that dad gum thing on… it would fall off. And that drove me CRAZY.

So. I kriyaed that thing. Put it in the give away. In fact, in the picture above, it’s in the doorway between my laundry room and my garage to go in the pile that the National Kidney Foundation was picking up that day, so that sucker is gonnnnnnnne!

And it really does feel better to have it gone!

Yes, it was a shirt that I loved at one point, but now it’s just a blah. And this life that Christ came for, well, like He said…

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10

And I’m pretty sure the word “blah” or “meh” is not in there.

Therefore… let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1

So, day by day, I’ll be getting rid of the “meh” in my life. Purging the “blah” from each day. And seeking out that rich and satisfying life that He came to give me.