Day 172: I Don’t

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A while back on Day 148, I mentioned that I was going to a wedding and well, I went!

Not that it’s particularly related to this post, but it was so not as much of a big deal (in regards to my weight) as I thought it would be… there were some good friends there, some people that I knew but never got a chance to talk to, and a few people that I might have purposefully avoided… what can I say? I’m still harboring a bit of a low-self-confidence-teenage-girl deep in my soul. But, it was entirely irrelevant whether I was wearing a size 16 or a size 8 (although, for the record, I was wearing none of those things… I was wearing a medium! ha!) and all that really mattered was getting to catch up with a good, good friend that I haven’t seen since graduation. And her life story was far more captivating than my dress size!

Okay, but back to the topic at hand… which does have to do with the wedding though (more precisely, the reception), so stick with me.

The wedding wasn’t until 3:00 and my husband, knowing that it would be just me wanting to talk to old high school friends, opted out of going, so he was going to stay home with the boys. Well, I was ready to go by 1:30 and I decided to duck out before the boys woke up so we wouldn’t have to go through the whole rigamarole of me leaving and their tears and waving to me and watching me drive away.

And after I finished my one need-to-do errand, I realized that I had forgotten to eat lunch and… I still had an hour until the wedding. Afraid that they might not have something that I could eat at the wedding and being at the point where I was getting hunnnnnngary, I started heading toward Petra (this aweeeeeeeesome fresh Mexican food bistro in McKinney).

I got their fish tacos (yum.may.) with charro beans and tortilla soup… it was all uhmazing (there’s a pic of it at the top)! And I sat out on the patio all by myself (cause everyone else likes this stuff called air conditioning… weird, I know) and faced out toward the green belt behind the restaurant and listened to the music that mimics that I would hear on the beaches of Mexico.

I ate just enough until I was full… okay, maybe a smidge past full but not feeling gross or anything, and then I went on to the wedding. The wedding was beau.ti.ful. and so special and I was just so… happy the whole time. It made me both relive the awesomeness of my own wedding and also made me want to renew my vows just so that I can have another wedding cause really, although they are a lot of work, they are also a lot of fun… and there’s the whole white dress thing. Loved her wedding dress.

Okay, okay… the point.

Well, at the reception, there was a whole lot more than just cake and punch… they had a brilliant spread! Sandwiches, fruit, cheese, crackers, etc. etc. etc. And my friends all got up from their table to go get some grub. I wasn’t hungry, but I also really wanted to hang out with them… so I went through the line with them… and didn’t get a thing.

And I didn’t spontaneously combust because I didn’t get food.

And no one pointed and laughed at me.

And I sat back down with my friends while they snacked.

And it was all good.

And I was reminded once again of

a) how much food is intertwined with our lives… to a lot of people wedding = reception = good food and cake
b) how I don’t have to eat when I’m not hungry
c) how far God has brought me
d) how far God still can bring me!

So, although I’m so extremely pleased that my dear friend said “I Do”… I’m just as pleased that I said “I Don’t… want anything to eat.”

Day 146: Candy Corn

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This is another example of when something that I learned, well, almost one-hundred days ago has come back around and I have learned the same lesson… again. Back on day forty-eight, I had a moment where I was choosing between what was good and what was best. And tonight, I had a similar moment.

I’ve been sick, and preparing good food for myself is not at the top of my list when I’m sick. Easy food… that is pretty much my criteria. Well, we didn’t have any leftovers that were on my covenant, and I was hungry and wanting something terrifically easy.

I looked… no, I glanced… through the fridge and didn’t see anything (I don’t think that I really wanted to see anything), and I thought to myself, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich.”

But luckily, a verse that I found in college… and I wrote it on a big poster board and tacked it to the ceiling so that I would look at it when I laid in bed… came to my mind:

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

I knew that I needed to look back in the fridge.

And sure enough, there was a bunch of leftover grilled corn (which might as well be candy, in my opinion… it’s soooooo good). So, that’s what I ate. And it was good. And I was totally satisfied. And I was completely blessed.

Day 108: Healing Struggler

I went to a teacher’s conference at St. Mark’s School of Texas today (a brilliant place… we would love to send Pasco there, but we are…… ohhhhh about $25,000 short! Haha!). My English-teacher mentor Lynne Weber is there and even though I’m not in the classroom I still love to go. I left the day feeling revitalized and focused on how to help my boys reach their potential!

Okay but that has naught to do with food! But I did have a great moment there at lunch. I got their baked salmon and cauliflower along with a salad with blue cheese dressing and a cold broccoli salad. I wasn’t terribly hungry but being at a conference where you never really know when you might get struck down with hunger or when you’ll get to eat again, I usually would have eaten everything on my plate.

But I didn’t! I left 1/4 of the salmon there and some of the cauliflower. I did eat all of the cold broccoli salad cause it was delish! And I left quite a bit of my salad too. It was just a nice day to see myself not have to eat. I felt like a size 00 girl even though I’m still rollin in my size 12s.

And ya know. It just makes me think. Yesterday I was posting asking for prayer because of my struggles. Today I post because of happiness of a mind renewal having occurred.

A truth that I have to remember is that sometimes the changes in my life are not necessarily smooth. There are sometimes steps back. Sometimes steps forward. Somedays I am healed in my mind and heart. Some days I’m still a struggler.

On the days of struggle, I simply must remember this:

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. Hebrews 10:36

Day 103: Table For Two

Last night I had another cool “success” moment. My husband has been out of town this weekend and one of the ways that I “treat” myself when he leaves is not having to cook! So I get myself one of those Bertolli or P.F. Chang’s frozen meals where you dump them in a skillet and they are ready in like ten minutes and they taste uh.maz.ing. Well, they say on the package “meal for two” but every time I have gotten one in the past, I eat the whole thing.

Tonight though, I served myself half of it. Wowzers- it was gooood! And then when I finished my bowl I was like, “Whew, I’m full!” And then it sorta hit me… wow. I’m full. Again. And again, I’m not eating.

Now this might be kind of funny to someone who doesn’t really know my entire journey, but for a habitual overeater… having two back to back experiences of eating exactly how much she should eat… well, it’s pretty significant!

And… I just want to take a moment to praise God for that. On so many levels.

First of all, that his renewal of my mind has… worked. I mean, it’s not that I doubted it. Heck, obviously I had to believe that this would work… I signed on for this thing for a full year!!! But I think it’s even sweeter when you have faith that God will do something… and then He does! Gives a whole new level of awesomeness to:

Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:11

But also, I praise God for this place I live in. Sure, the American government is a little jacked up. Sure, there is sin everywhere and temptation and corruption.

But. I have never gone hungry because I could not get food. I have never had to sleep outside because I had no place to stay. I have never gone thirsty because the water had run dry.

This land… is amazing. And last night, I ate… and I was satisfied. And so today, I praise God for the good land He has given me.

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Deuteronomy 8:10