Day 263: Don’t Stop Believing

Yesterday I was in the shower (best place for some early morning prayer, right?!?! Ha!) and I was praying through some scriptures that God has brought to me lately through friends like Alice or through just reading through the Psalms.

And the one “Make me willing to obey” came up again in my mind. It was the verse that really helped me through several weeks and months early on in the covenant process.

And I love that verse (again) because it is just so simply put what my heart is exactly saying…

I don’t feel like I can obey. I do know that I want to want to obey. So, God, only You can change my heart. Only You can renew my mind. God, please, make me willing to obey.

And it’s not that I expect complete transformation overnight. But I do know that one moment of actually being willing to obey is a bit… empowering… in and of itself. It makes it that much easier to be willing to obey the next time because I have recently experienced His Power in making me… willing to obey.

So over the next few days or weeks (or months if necessary), I’ll be repeating the scriptures I talked about a couple of days ago. I’ll be praying them. I’ll be allowing God to use those Words of God to transform me. renew me. retrain me.

And maybe this go-round I won’t stop asking for Him to transform, renew, and retrain. Maybe this go-round I won’t stop believing. Maybe this go-round I’ll just think of these prayers as lifelong prayers. And maybe this go-round I’ll get a step closer to being completely healed.

Day 164: Growing Up Covenant

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My husband, who is an English teacher during the school year, is home for the summer. And, I try as much as I can to give him some moments of peace and quiet at home during the first couple of weeks (plus, in the summer he works a lot on his songwriting method called ChordDice and although squeals of laughter are fun to hear, they can also be kind of distracting)! So, one day I took my boys to a McDonald’s close by to adventure in the play area… my toddler has just gotten to the point where he can navigate the entirety of the slides and mazes without my help so it’s kind of relaxing for me!

Typically when we go play at a place like McDonald’s, I’m a mooch that doesn’t buy the kids food… we just play. Yeah, yeah… I’m THAT mom. Haha! But this time I had planned to get them some pancakes and leave it at that; although, having a toddler I have learned my lesson many-a-time that he will probably not eat whatever I plan on him eating when we go somewhere. So, I always bring backups.

This particular day, I brought grapes and strawberries and a banana in case he didn’t want pancakes, but I didn’t anticipate using it… I mean, what kid would choose grapes over pancakes?!!?

But sure enough, he didn’t eat a bite of pancake but he obliterated the fruit.

And I kind of realized… he is growing up in my covenant. I didn’t have good fruit and veggies and stuff when my youngest was a toddler… his “backup” food consisted of cheerios, pop tarts (not saying that I don’t still whip that one out every once in a while when I’m desperate), graham crackers, etc. I don’t think that I ever took fruit anywhere for him! And now I’m having to struggle a bit to get him living covenant with us. It’s working, but it’s a slow process of retraining his tastebuds too.

But, seeing my youngest so easily fit himself into the covenant, I am reminded of this verse… this promise:

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

Day 135: Snapple Out Of It

Last night my husband needed me to run an errand for him after my boys went down for bed. It’s kind of a good thing he asked because if it is just up to me I never want to leave when I put them down… I just want to veg out (haha… that’s never been funny to me before… but “veg” out… like be lazy and eat a lot of vegetables… haha… ha… h… no? Not that funny to everyone else… okay… hehe), but every once in a while it is good for me to get into mainstream society without anyone else. I don’t know why… maybe it just makes me feel a bit like… “me” instead of “mommy/wife/maid” which is what I kind of start to feel like the rest of the time.

So, while I was waiting for him to find the empty box of labels that he needed me to get more of, I started thinking “Ooooo, what special treat can I get for myself while I’m out???” Ya see, before when I would leave by myself at night, it was allllllways the perfect time to sneak eat something that I would never dream of eating in front of my husband: premade cookie dough (yeah, I really had an issue with cookie dough), a chocolate shake from Sonic, a candy bar, ice cream, a box of super chocolate chunk cookies… oh, there was a big ol list of things I would get. Oooooooo… one of my favs was when Walmart used to make their own chocolate peanut butter cups… they were divine. I probably would have turned diabetic lonnnnnng ago had they not stopped making those!

Okay, I digress.

I literally had to take a second and evaluate… I mean, wasn’t getting out on my own the real treat? Did I really need to get a… a something… in order for it to feel special? There was no need to sneak eat anymore… I wasn’t trying to eat anything shameful. What I could eat while out running errands I could certainly eat at home without being embarrassed.

It just reminded me again how so many of these eating habits are totally engrained within me. I wasn’t craving anything. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t even thinking about food. But I just haven’t been out by myself enough for the process of retraining to get any practice, so my mind (very quickly, I might add) just went right back to what it was used to.

You must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. 1 Peter 1:14

I love the way that verse puts it… I searched for “old ways” and this popped up and was just perfect… cause wanting to get a treat is like “slipping” back into old ways. It’s not a direct, purposeful “fall”… it is a slip. But my favorite part is the sass at the end “you didn’t know any better then.” Although I kind of feel like I did know better before… I didn’t really understand before the true depth of what I was doing to myself and to my soul.

But I did get myself a treat. A Diet Peach Snapple… but not one for last night… one for today (when I was supposed to take my kids to IKEA). My two year old got sick though so it’s just sitting in my fridge. But I’m kind of glad that it is… just a reminder that even a “treat” can wait. It’s just a thing of this world… it’s no biggie to have that tea last night, today, or tomorrow… or never.

And that attitude towards food… well, my friends, that. is. freedom.

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