Day 750: I’m In A Relationship And It’s Complicated

The Covenant Diet Blog - I'm In A Relationship With Food And It's Complicated

I’m in a relationship.

Yep.

And it’s not with my husband.

I know, this is kind of frowned upon nowadays but well, it IS the new millennium.

But ya see…

I’m in a relationship with food, and it’s complicated.

Okay, that was my lame attempt at a little humor this morning. {Am I even gonna get a pity laugh out of that one?!?! Ha!}

That probably wasn’t much of a shocker to anyone reading this though… I mean, it is a diet blog. But really, I’m realizing more than ever that a) it is some kind of weird co-dependency relationship with food, and b) it is just terribly complicated for me.

Recently I went to lunch with my best friend, my very own psychologist Dr. Laura (yeah, that’s weird… when did we get old enough to have doctorates!?!?!??) and although she is always wondering how things are going, she is never pushy with advice (even though I know that she has a slew of solutions or suggestions for me). But recently when we met and I lamented a little bit about having gained some weight, but that I wasn’t worried about it she said, “Yeah, you are just in the process of discovering what it means to have a healthy and balanced relationship with food.”

Seriously.

I thought about that for weeks. You see…

Originally, I didn’t really want to find balance.
I wanted to find SKINNINESS.

As I’ve journeyed along I’ve realized that balance is really probably… better. And as I thought about it even more after talking with her, a thought came to my mind: what if I’m limiting God by saying I just won’t have chocolate ever again. What if what He really wants to do in my life is completely change me, completely renew me, and make me completely strong, resilient, balanced. What if He really does want me to find balance instead of just restriction?

Honestly, I think learning how to find balance with food… learning how to have an uncomplicated relationship with food… that would be even more of a miracle than never eating chocolate again. It would take a whole new level of reliance upon Him.

I think that I’m up for it. This is, after all, a journey from gluttonous to glorious, and I’m starting to see that maybe there is an unexpected turn in the road up ahead. A new direction that will teach me to rely on Him and find balance with food.

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

 

Day 224: Give God A Chance

Day 21 of my hard-core Daniel Fast! Last day!

So, I think the no food after 7pm… “initiative” is one of my new favorite things. It’s almost like a daily fast in a way!

At first I was a little reluctant to do it because I have really learned the importance of eating when I’m hungry, and agreeing to not-eat after 7pm might keep me from eating when I’m hungry. But, like I said on day 219, there is rarely any purposeful eating after 7pm so I thought I might give it a try. I’m now way more game to try something new that involves restrictions because I have found that in restrictions, there is (ironically)… freedom.

And well, that is exactly what I have found in the no-eating after 7pm rule. I don’t have to fight those urges every night. I don’t have to wonder how much I should eat. I don’t have to rely upon food to help me deal with an emotional eating situation. or to keep me from being bored. or to comfort me in my exhaustion.

By “fasting” after 7pm, I am allowing myself the opportunity and God the chance, to retrain my mind. Cause really, if I ate the right amount at dinner, then I haven’t been hungry between the end of dinner and bedtime. I might have a bit of an emptiness or a yearning every once in a while but really there hasn’t been a day yet where I just reallllly lamented over not being able to eat.

But I think that is the key of a covenant or a fast… it gives God the opportunity to change you. to reveal things to you. to renew you. I think I’m gonna expand on that tomorrow, but… essentially, God has already shown me through the 7pm rule that I had some latent habits in there. Some “hot spots” like I wrote about the other day. And relinquishing “control” and not eating during that time allowed me to see those things.

I’m not saying that I will never eat after 7pm again, but honestly, I obviously need some retraining during that 7-10pm time frame. And well, if it takes “fasting” during that time to rid myself of some overeating and/or mindless eating then I’m okay with that.