Day 304: Fauxfat

I’m getting in touch with the Shakespeare-within.

Although I will admit that I looked up the word “fauxfat” just to double check if it was real or not! Ha! Nope, it is my word!

fauxfat: noun. the areas on the body that appear too big (when mentally compared to air-brushed pictures of anorexic models) that cause a person to think they are really and truly fat but in truth are not: The beautiful woman looked in the mirror and saw nothing but her fauxfat.

I’m sure you can’t tell where this is going… but in essence, I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day and I was like, “Man, a month ago I was all pumped about the way my bod looked and today I look at it am a little disappointed.”

Now I’m honestly not sure what has changed in my mind. Although, truth be told, my body might be a little bit bigger than it was a month ago. I’ve been discussing about some of the struggles I’ve been waking through with temptations and not wanting to eat fruits or veggies. But I think, like, three days ago I was looking in the mirror thinking “Girl, you looking gooooood.” So, regardless of what my body really does look like, it was a mental thing this time.

The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. You judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at your heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

And I know this to be true. I know it. Why do I keep denying its truth???

I’ve actually learned it first and foremost from my friend Alice… she’s a skinny girl and likes to eat healthy (seriously, what is that about???? Hehe). But she also had issues with giving food the wrong place in her life. I may have “judged” her from the outside as having it all together, but her heart was having issues with food. And there is another girl at church that also looks like a model and a couple of weeks ago she was talking about her issues with sugar.

So, I know the heart is our true “image”, but how do I remind myself of that?

I think I need to just inundate myself with whatever scripture reminds me of truth. Maybe just for a few days and then find another because after a few days it starts to either seep in or just become “background noise” in my house.

Like, I’m going to write it on my mirror with a vis a vis marker. Put it on a random cabinet door in my kitchen (cause I know that I’ll ignore it if I out it on the fridge). Schedule in reminders on my phone calendar for random times during the day.

And maybe I can start to remember that I was made in His Image. And the only “fat” that matters is the excess of worldliness on my heart.

Guidance: What else can I do to help write a scripture on the tablet of my heart?

Day 299: Holy Honeymoon Hours

More than any verse that has to deal with spending time with God, I am really drawn to the ACTIONS of my Christ:

“Before day break the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray.” Mark 1:35

He had been casting out flippin DEMONS and HEALING people for crying out loud… but He got his rear out of bed and found that peaceful place of solitude to pray.

As a stay-at-home mom (and even more so when I was a working mom) finding a time of the day for solitude is nigh impossible. And even when I do find a time for that, my mind is so full of to-do lists and grocery lists and that mental list that is always running of all the ways I am inadequate… it is hard work to make room for a Word from the Spirit, and so I get less out of it because I spend so much time clearing my mind that I have less time to absorb His Truth, His Hope, His Mercy. But in the morning… His mercies are new and fresh and my mind is “empty” and open and relatively free from the cares of the day.

It’s almost like the holy honeymoon hours of the day… like, in marriage before you have learned all those strange idiosyncrasies and seen what your spouse is REALLY like… and there is just… love. In the morning, you have yet to see all the tiny nuances in the day of earthly things. You have yet to see your hopes for the day crushed by a four-year-old with the stomach flu or realizing that you are out of the eggs that you need for that breakfast casserole you are to take to bible study, or that the drier has dried its last towel and ain’t no Maytag man gonna be able to revive it.

There is only… Faith. Hope. Love. And those things are just about the best things to start the day off with.

Day 298: Some Friend You Are

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Well, whadda know… I went a whole big chunk of time again not blogging. I am on a retreat this weekend called MomsAway (THE most amazing retreats I have ever been on…) and because I am away is probably why I have time to write. I suppose, though if I am really honest with myself, that I could MAKE time to write again if I were home. You see, writing is a bit like personal bible study or prayer: there MUST be a time every day set-aside for it, you must have solitude, you must set aside your to-do list (or have yet to have looked at it), and you must be deliberate about it.

Annnnnnnnd I have been none of those things lately for bible study, prayer, or writing.

And I think to myself now, How will I explain that to Christ? ……Wait. No…… How, at this very moment, how DO I explain that to Christ?

Can I truly look him in the face and say, I didn’t meditate on Your Word or pray to write about you because I wanted to sleep in???

But that is what I must say to Him now. And I am embarrassed to say it to Him. And ashamed. And regretful.

I am reminded of that song right now… What a friend we have in Jesus… But would Jesus say the same of me??? Would he say: What a friend I have in January? Hmmmmmmm, likely not. But as I look further into that hymn I am grabbed by the lyrics that follow…

What a friend we have in Jesus.
All our sins and griefs He’ll bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.

O what peace we often forfeit
O what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

I am struck over and over again by those lines “O what peace we often forfeit… O what needless pain we bear.” How my life has danced around those sentences. When I think of the times in my life that I have carried burdens… that is where my gluttonous eating was able to bloom and grow. But I forfeited peace when I turned to a brownie. I carried needless pain when I turned to a bowl of cookie dough. or a milkshake. or a bag of chips (Cheetos… if we’re getting specific!). I traded the truth of God for a lie… I relied upon the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of all praise! (Romans 1:25)

And so I am keenly reminded (againnnnnn) of how important that daily connection to Him is in my life. And I am reminded of how “the faithful love of God never ends! His mercies never fail… never stop.” (Lamentations 3:22) And so now, againnnnnnn, I ask Him to “satisfy me each morning with His unfailing love.” (Psalm 90:14)

And I smile to myself… knowing that He will.

Day Fifty-One: Just Say No And Do It

When I made my boys some Velveeta Mac N Cheese tonight, there was just enough leftover for a mini-serving. I, of course, still needing to fight some leftover instincts, thought about having it. Not as my dinner… just as a… as a… as an extra dinner, I guess.

But instead of it turning into another apple crisp night, I just looked at it and said, “No.”

Then I took the boys’ servings to them. And that was it.

It all seems so simple, doesn’t it. Just Say No.

And in some ways it is simple. Really… saying “No” is the answer to so many problems in my life, but I avoid it so often. And often I avoid it when I need to say it the most!

  • When I am already overwhelmed but someone at church asks me to do something, and I just can’t say “No” even though saying “Yes” is going to be detrimental to me.
  • When I see my Facebook icon on my phone even though it is time for me to read my Bible… I should say “No” but so often I choose to say “Yes” and scan through my News Feed.
  • When I’m tempted with too much food, then I so often should say “No” but I find myself saying “Yes” and taking another bite, and another, and another.

I mean, I’m sure that there is a reason that the “Just Say No” phrase was the catch phrase for the anti-drug campaign in the 80s.

But there is also another part to that No… and it’s another “Just” statement: Just Do It.

Oh, my dear Nike. If only it were that easy then I would have a rocket hot bod that could run a marathon. As it is, I am lucky to be able to run across the backyard after my toddler.

But, I’m not talking about Just Do It meaning that I’m saying “Say no to food and then go work out.” I’m saying… “Say no and then ACT out the NO.”

So much of my struggle over the years has been saying no in my head but then not following through with my body. I would be standing in the pantry eating another Thin Mint (and really… that name is SO DECEPTIVE cause they do NOT make a person thin! Haha!) after having already eaten ten or eleven, thinking “NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE! NO MORE! STOP!” But it was like my hand would just keep reaching into that bag.

Until, God.

Cause I tell ya… I cannot explain it. But I can turn from an open wrapper of Thin Mints now. Because it is almost like God is the one saying No. He and I are in this together and I think that maybe these verses address it (and yes, these are some of the same verses from yesterday’s post but in a new version):

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Ephesians 4:21-23

And I like especially the last verse because it tells us HOW to Just Do It. And the best part is that it is sooooo much easier than Nike’s expectations! We are to let the Spirit renew our thoughts and attitudes. That means that God is the one doing the work!

The thing though that we are responsible for is the “let”. You might be thinking, “Huh? We have to do the ‘let’ part of it? What does that even mean???” We have to LET the Spirit renew our thoughts and attitudes. And how does the Spirit do that? Mainly, through the Word of God. Which means, that for the Spirit to renew us, we have to be reading The Word of God.

I feel like I’m a broken record on this, but again, this blog is for me! Hehe, and I need to hear those words over and over again. I’m just not going to experience a God Life if I don’t read the Bible. Plain and simple.

And I want a God Life. And I want it more than I want food. And I want it even more than I want chocolate. And… well, that’s a lot!