Day 454: I Will CUT You

I taught middle and high school English for about ten years before I became a stay-at-home-mom when my second kid was born. And part of being around teenagers all day means that you are frequently around YouTube videos.

Some are ridiculous. Some are gross. Some are awesome.

Well, there was this one video back in the day from MAD tv that some of the kids showed me and I thought it was hysterical. This “character” named Bon Qui Qui works at King Burger and she’s always calling security on people who make complicated orders and at one point a girl gets sassy with her and she says “Oh, I will CUT you.” My friends and I still joke around saying that… and, yes, we all try to say it just the way Bon Qui Qui said it. And yes, we probably look more like fools than cool. And yes, we don’t care because it’s too fun!

(If you are into MAD tv kind of stuff, here is the YouTube link if you’ve never seen it. It’s totally clean but stop at 3:15 if you don’t want to watch a little dance between the two.)

Anyway, lately I have really, really been thinking more about my portions. This is a cycle that I go through. I do really well eating just until I’m full for a month or so and then it’s like overnight I lose all ability to use self-control and I eat WAY too much stuff. My bloggy friend, finneyfer, recently commented on an older post (Day 365: My Portion) that I wrote about portion control and re-reading my OWN journey really helped to get me back on track with my thinking. {I love that God led me to do this blog for soooooo many reasons, but being able to go back and minister to myself is definitely one of my favorite reasons!} This part in particular has been a good reminder:

When I started thinking about “portion control” I remembered a commonly said phrase “The Lord is my portion”. I was pretty sure that it was a verse but didn’t know where it was in the bible or what context it was written in, so I looked into it. And I came across this:

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

And I don’t know Greek or Hebrew, but from what I could read about it, “portion” most often means “inheritance”. So, how can God be my “inheritance”? Well, I guess I was thinking that the inheritance was what your parents passed on to you to support you, to maintain your life, to give you a boost financially, to help you.

And well, God is all of those things for me. He supports me, maintains my life, boosts me, helps me.

God is my portion. He is my portion control.

So, when that huge bowl of soup, or second-serving of pasta bake, or fifty-third cashew is calling my name, I can remember… God is my portion… I don’t need this extra stuff. I have the portion that will last forever.

I have the portion that will last forever… just that one thing gives me goosebumps just to think about even!

And another thing that got my attention was a friend of mine from high school who recently posted this:

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In one of the comments she answered someone’s question, “How did you do it?” to which she replied, “It wasn’t as hard as I thought… it just took actually wanting to do it. No sodas for 2 years, cut my food portions in half and walked. That’s it… NO tricks… NO gimmicks!”

I really thought about that for a while… like, wow. She just cut her food portions in half and walked (for some reason I never really got into big soda drinking) and got into a size 4. What if I could do that? The walking and half-portions part of it… not so much the size four part, which is why my comment on her status said this:

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Anyway, and then the other day after all that I had baked a potato for lunch and I looked at that thing and went all Bon Qui Qui on it and said, “I will CUT you.”

And I did.

And I ate half of it.

And I was totally satisfied.

See? All of those hours teenagers waste watching pointless YouTube videos just might eventually lead to a really deep, spiritual insight that will help someone out of their gluttony. You just never. know. Haha!

Try as I might, there was simply just no way to get a baked potato cut in half to look photographically “cool”. But, anyway, here… is my baked potato. cut in half. Ha!

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Day 365: My Portion

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I’ve noticed the past few go rounds at dinner that I have been so. full. after eating. I wasn’t eating any kind of crazy foods… still vegetarian, still sugarless, and now breadless, and chipless.

So, why would I be so full?

I mean, who gets super stuffed after eating soup!?!?

Well, as I’ve learned over and over and over and… over, it doesn’t matter WHAT I eat if I am eating TOO MUCH.

And…… I was eating too much. Even soup.

So there it was… the trick of gluttony sliding in under the guise of healthy food. under the guise of SOUP. Tricky. Tricky. Tricky.

Overdramatic-Me thought: Oh woe is me! What can I do to stop this?

Calm-logical-Me answered: Uhhhhhhh, I dunno, maybe… eat less food?

Yeah, that wasn’t a tough thing to figure out. But any time you are dealing with gluttony it is a tough thing to DO.

But as nutritionists have been saying for years, it’s all in the portion control. It’s in the serving myself a smaller bowl of soup instead of in my mega-cereal bowl of soup. It’s in eating my portion and then instead of going back for seconds eating some fruit or drinking a glass of water. There are so many well-known tricks of the trade of “portion control” that it’s not that difficult to know what to do. Again… it’s just in the DOING IT.

When I started thinking about “portion control” I remembered a commonly said phrase “The Lord is my portion”. I was pretty sure that it was a verse but didn’t know where it was in the bible or what context it was written in, so I looked into it. And I came across this:

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

And I don’t know Greek or Hebrew, but from what I could read about it, “portion” most often means “inheritance”. So, how can God be my “inheritance”? Well, I guess I was thinking that the inheritance was what your parents passed on to you to support you, to maintain your life, to give you a boost financially, to help you.

And well, God is all of those things for me. He supports me, maintains my life, boosts me, helps me.

God is my portion. He is my portion control.

So, when that huge bowl of soup, or second-serving of pasta bake, or fifty-third cashew is calling my name, I can remember… God is my portion… I don’t need this extra stuff. I have the portion that will last forever.

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Day Sixty: That Awesome Moment When…

There’s this little fad on Facebook where people say “That awkward moment when…” and then they finish with whatever awkward moment just happened. Like “That awkward moment when you send your dad a text that you meant to send to your husband.”

Well, this is not an awkward moment. This is an AWESOME moment!

And here’s why…

My in-laws (or as my dad likes to call them, my “outlaws”) have my boys for the weekend! Okay, that IS awesome but it is not the “awesome moment” that I am talking about. So, since the boys are gone I decided to do a little spring cleaning… mainly in my closet. I originally only planned to clean out my husband’s side, but he wanted some things put up in our “upper level” clothes racks so I had to get down my capris. No biggie, it’s pretty much capri season anyway. Well, when I got them down I noticed that several pairs were two sizes bigger than the pants I was wearing at the time, so I thought I’d better try them on. If they were too big then I’d send them off with my husband’s pile of giveaways.

Annnnnnnnd, here is the awesome moment: NONE OF THEM. NOT ONE PAIR. FIT ME.

Yahooooooooooooooooo!!!!

And I don’t mean they didn’t fit as in “Oh these are a little baggy but I can still wear them,” but as in they were, literally, falling off of me!

One pair in particular that has been my go-to pair of capri pants for the past six years were actually quite comical! I laughed when I looked in the mirror and then I yelled because I was so excited!

And of course Kari Jobe was on Pandora right at that moment…

I believe You’re my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe
I believe You’re my portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus, You’re all I need.

And wow… it was just an awesome moment of His awesomeness. Of His answering my prayers. Of His Love.

So I stood in my bedroom clad in these baggy pants and sang and praised God with tears flowing down my face.

Because He is all I need.