Day 363: Pantrywaist

No, I promise that’s not a misspelling.

It’s just that over the past few days I have realized Whoa. This Big Momma here (that’s what my boys call me) has been eating a lot of bread!

And I find that every time I am hungry, I head right for the pantry. And well… my pantry is what one might call “Processed Central”! So, I haven’t really been able to eat anything out of there. I mean, I do have pasta, rice, and I just bought some quinoa to try, raisins, cashews, and peanut butter. But other than that- oh, popcorn, I also eat popcorn- it’s kind of stuff not… for me. (And no, my pantry is NOT organized in the least bit… but, neither am I!)

20130107-164732.jpg

So, I have found myself to be a bit pantry-less over the past few days since I started my “new” covenant of no bread and no chips.

But I’m thinking that’s maybe a good thing cause I’m pretty sure over the past few months I have developed a bit of what I might call a “pantrywaist”. My waist is holding onto quite a bit of our pantry’s contents! Haha!

And I originally just came up with the name cause I thought it was a clever spin-off of “pantywaist” which was used for a while to denote a weakling man, but it originated with these outfits where the shirt would button onto the kid’s underwear!

20130107-165412.jpg

See… who says I only talk about diets on here!?!? Haha!

Anyway, but yesterday when I started trying on my clothes that I wore this past June when I went to Nashville with my husband for his trade show for his music instruction/songwriting product Chord Dice… wellllll, let’s just say that yesterday my muffin top was a bit more pronounced than it was in June!

And I thought to myself “Oh man… looks like I’ve got me a pantrywaist!”

20130107-165822.jpg

And what I find interesting is that I tried, I tried multiple times, last year to start a covenant for a few weeks or just mid-year to go “off” of bread. I’m still not entirely sure why my commitment wouldn’t stick with those. Probably because they were more me led. Like, they were temporary fixes instead of a long-term desire to be healed. Covenanting off of sugar, meat, bread, and chips for a year… well, that’s a commitment on my part to change permanently instead of to just keep the pounds off. I have already found it so “easy” to resist bread and chips (easy as in there isn’t a battle raging inside of me because they are just… not an option!

So, I’m working again on this retraining- going to the fruit supply instead of the pantry supply for food.

20130107-185938.jpg

And I see now why all the nutritionists say that you need to make a “life change” because diets sorta wear off, motivation tapers, and old habits slowly creep back in… so even a “life change” can kind of wear off. So, it isn’t really about a “life change” for me… for me it’s a “life commitment”.

A commitment to deny the presence of the sin of gluttony in my life. A life commitment to turn to God for fulfillment. A life commitment to never be the same. to be a new creation. to never be a pantrywaist again.

Day 178: You Complete Me

So, I’m having to backtrack a bit here since I have fallen behind quite a bit. Like I mentioned on day 171, summer is a bit of a routine killer for me, and I think most of my blogging was really routined during the school year.

Plus, yes, I have been sorta “meh” about the whole covenant in general lately.

Now, allow me to clarify what I mean by that.

I believe in God. I believe in His Power to change me. I believe that this covenant is a powerful agreement with God based on my love for Him and His Love for me. I believe that He knows my failings and my successes are going to come and go. I believe that He will love and adore me no matter what the outcome of today or tomorrow or the next day.

And there is the crux. I believe all of these things… I know them in my heart of hearts. But there are just some times when believing doesn’t… work. Remember this verse in James?

You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. James 2:19

Now, I don’t want to get into a theological discussion about this verse (as I know there could be a deep theological discussion about it) because that is for another time… another blog. But my point is that James is punking these guys out… listen to his sass: “Good for you!” Haha… love that! What he is telling us though is that sometimes our human-version of faith isn’t enough, we HAVE to have what we often call “works”… referred to in this verse as “actions”:

You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete. James 2:22

And I have definitely seen that in action lately. I have had zeroooooooooooooooo personal motivation to eat fruit and veggies. All I have wanted was pantry junk… stuff that is “on” the covenant but is not necessarily beneficial. And I have had quite a bit of that pantry junk over the past two weeks (see day 170). I have had bread again, which I said I wouldn’t have. I have even been sneaky about foods and allowed my old-self to resurface a few times and could hear a battle inside of me about eating something when I was not hungry but just wanted the taste… or the escape… or the experience.

But time and time again, even though I was heinously close to breaking the covenant, I have held the line. I have remembered that covenant and forced myself to act according to that covenant.

My actions have made my faith complete.

They have not made my faith easy.

But complete.

And so as I work through this time of difficulty and lack of motivation and struggle… I will do my best to make my actions fall in line and follow the covenant that I have made with the Almighty God.

And He will complete me.

Day 170: Pantry Pinings

I haven’t wanted fruit the past week. Like… at. all. Veggies? Nope. Not so much.

Pantry food? Ohhhhhhhh yeah.

And I have this sort of… numb… feeling about honoring God right now. Pretty sure that it is an aftermath of not reading the bible religiously (i.e. habitually) and not really praying for a couple of weeks. But nonetheless, gotta get my focus back. I need to care about honoring God. I mean it’s not that I’m breaking the covenant (although I got realllllllll close to that line this morning when I made the boys “Cookie Dough Soup”… essentially oatmeal with brown sugar and chocolate chips… and Saxon didn’t want his and I was super hungry so I ate “around” the chocolate chips… ya know, the ones that had melted making it virtually impossible to eat “around” them), but I’m not at all worried about making choices that please Him, or choices that are beneficial, or eating to live instead of living to eat.

And I asked my friend Alice to pray for me because I was really struggling (and honestly I’m writing this on day 173 and I’m still struggling with it), and she said that she didn’t really have any major wisdom for me, but she did say “He’s got this.”

And that’s pretty much the reminder that I needed at that moment. Did I immediately start craving an apple instead of a bowl of granola bathed in almond milk? Nooooooo, but it was a start. And then yesterday, I came across this verse in my regular bible reading and it really struck me as what I’m asking for at this point (I changed it to a prayer, by the way)…

God, please work in me. Give me the desire and the power to do what pleases You. Philippians 2:13