Day 658: Day Two, Part II

writers block

I’m gonna admit.

I’m almost at a loss today about what to write.

After yesterday’s commitment and post, everything seems so… NEW! I feel almost like I’m starting over. And I just have so. much. to. say.

You might be thinking, Awwwwwww, that’s so sad. But it’s not! It’s so totally wonderful. You see, that’s what I love, Love, LOVE about Christ. We get to try again and again and again. Sure, there might be consequences that come from us doing it our own way… for example, I can barely fit the “consequences of eating terribly” into my jeans, but I don’t get kicked to the curb or told “Sorry, that was your one chance. No more for you.”

I get to start over if I want.

But now I’m wiser.

And now I’m closer.

Closer to a size six?

No.

I’m closer to HIM.

And He is the garment that I want to wear anyway. I want His spirit to cover me so completely that my size doesn’t matter… that food doesn’t matter… that nothing else matters but Him and blessing the world with His Love.

Day 575: The “New” New

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Remember that time that I sorta went off the healthy eating reservation and struggled with food, and subsequently my weight, for several months…

Okay, for seven months…

And then when I finally snapped to about a week ago when I did a four-day Daniel Fast (which has turned into a twenty-one day Daniel Fast), I realized…

Wow. I gained quite a bit of weight during those seven months of struggle.

Cue: Time to get down on myself. Time to beat myself up. Time to question God’s plan. Time to cope by eating more. Time to reprimand myself for sinning. Time to cower before God’s punishment.

Only… this time that didn’t happen. Cause ya know why?

Cause I am new.

Yes, I know. New… once again.

I was new a year ago when I first started the covenant, and I coasted off of that newness for 365 days. Until I decided, in my infinite wisdom, that I could be both the old me and the new me.

Fail.

But now, I am a “new” new.

I have learned even more about God and His plans and His thinking and His ways.

His ways aren’t my ways.
My ways aren’t His ways.

I know now that after this 21 days that there will be another 21 days and another 21 days and another.

And I know now that after those 21 days, that this lifestyle of eating will continue until I transfer my residency from Earth to Heaven.

Because I have realized that God wants to heal me… not for just a year, but for a lifetime.

God, I want a permanent healing. Not just a year. Not just five years. I want to be fresh and “new” new forever. You see, these seven months I’ve been just holding on. Holding on to you. I’ve been depending on You, God; knowing that you are everything I need. Keep loving me, God, with all you’ve got— that’s what I’ve been depending on. Psalm 33:20,22 And now I keep holding on, but I feel like now I’ve let you pull me off of the cliff and that we are, once again, walking together. Help me stay waking with You, God. Amen.

Day 545: Lookie Look (Again)

Sorry I’ve been out of pocket for a bit- it’s been a full week so far with birthdays, holidays, spending time with family, sorting through old boxes, etc. (And sorry if you got this post in your email and then it wouldn’t open… I was trying to post via my app and I think it glitched up or something!)

Which brings me to today’s post. The other day I posted on twitter and Facebook a picture of an old school bookmark that I found in a pile of my “memories” that I left for yearrrrrrrrs at my parents house.

Remember back in the day when it was SO COOL to have stuff with your name on it and what your name meant or something. All my friends with “normal” names had things like “angel of mercy” or “beautiful one” as the meanings for their names, but I pretty much never had anything for my name. I mean, they aren’t gonna make a set of coffee mugs with the name “January” on it for the one girl in a hundred mile radius with that name.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure where this bookmark came from but I probably kept it just because it had my name on it…

Look I am making everything all things new

But I’ll admit that my breath caught in my throat a little bit when I read the verse with it.

Almost as if… almost as if it said:

January,
I make everything new.
Love,
God

Like, that’s how I read it.

And even though I have already used this one, I’m gonna use it again. Because God reminded me.

With a bookmark.

That I got when I was, like, eight.

Now, THAT is some serious planning ahead on His part! Ha!

POSITIVITY: I am new.

Look! I am making everything new! Revelation 21:5

PRAYER:

God, thank you for the sweet reminder today of who I belong to and for reminding me that You are making me new.

Help me to look for the newness in me. Help me to remember in my dark moments that there is a light for me in your newness.

Thank you for Your Hope.

Amen

Day 498: Newbie

Whoa. You know how you think, “Awwwww, it hasn’t been that long since I wrote” and then you actually have to add up the numbers and realize that it has been a full week since you wrote.

Oops.

In my defense, it has been a jam-packed week for me.

I was co-hosting a baby shower on Saturday morning and then my son’s birthday party on Saturday night. Then on Sunday afternoon I went to see Gatsby (which was so. flipping. good.) with a friend that will be gone all summer. Then I guess Monday was more of a recovery day than anything and then today was full of tornado warnings and my son’s actual birthday.

I found myself just wanting to go to sleep but at the same time I found myself just wanting to write.

And then I was all like, “Write? What am I gonna write about? I got nothing.”

And THEN I was all like, “Then, you need to write. You gotta write. You have to put the RIGHT stuff in your heart and mind.”

So, here I am… to write! My 30 Day Infusion got a little derailed, but hey… there’s no time like the present to start something up again, right?!?!? For my positivity, I think I need something to tell me what to be positive about for the day, so I’m going to refer to the scriptures from Day 460: Name Change.

POSITIVITY: I am new. I belong to Christ, and so I’ve become a new person. My old life is gone; my new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 And really there couldn’t have been a more perfect choice for today’s positivity. I am new. I am not the old January. I am new. Doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. that I’m sinless. that I’m untouchable. It just means that I am new and that my new life has begun.

PRAYER: Lord Jesus, You make everything new. You are the Beginning and the End. You are my Hope and my Future! As I embark upon today God, I am reminded of everything that you are to me. And right now I don’t care about food… I just want to stay close to You today. I just want to be reminded of my newness. of my new beginnings. of my hope and my future. I just want to go where You go and stay where You stay. Keep me close by your side today God. Keep my eyes focused on what You focus upon. You are so good to me. so merciful. so patient and kind. You are my God. Amen.

{The new leaves on a plant
that I almost killed! The new
leaves are almost more
beautiful than the old.}

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