Day 363: Pantrywaist

No, I promise that’s not a misspelling.

It’s just that over the past few days I have realized Whoa. This Big Momma here (that’s what my boys call me) has been eating a lot of bread!

And I find that every time I am hungry, I head right for the pantry. And well… my pantry is what one might call “Processed Central”! So, I haven’t really been able to eat anything out of there. I mean, I do have pasta, rice, and I just bought some quinoa to try, raisins, cashews, and peanut butter. But other than that- oh, popcorn, I also eat popcorn- it’s kind of stuff not… for me. (And no, my pantry is NOT organized in the least bit… but, neither am I!)

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So, I have found myself to be a bit pantry-less over the past few days since I started my “new” covenant of no bread and no chips.

But I’m thinking that’s maybe a good thing cause I’m pretty sure over the past few months I have developed a bit of what I might call a “pantrywaist”. My waist is holding onto quite a bit of our pantry’s contents! Haha!

And I originally just came up with the name cause I thought it was a clever spin-off of “pantywaist” which was used for a while to denote a weakling man, but it originated with these outfits where the shirt would button onto the kid’s underwear!

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See… who says I only talk about diets on here!?!? Haha!

Anyway, but yesterday when I started trying on my clothes that I wore this past June when I went to Nashville with my husband for his trade show for his music instruction/songwriting product Chord Dice… wellllll, let’s just say that yesterday my muffin top was a bit more pronounced than it was in June!

And I thought to myself “Oh man… looks like I’ve got me a pantrywaist!”

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And what I find interesting is that I tried, I tried multiple times, last year to start a covenant for a few weeks or just mid-year to go “off” of bread. I’m still not entirely sure why my commitment wouldn’t stick with those. Probably because they were more me led. Like, they were temporary fixes instead of a long-term desire to be healed. Covenanting off of sugar, meat, bread, and chips for a year… well, that’s a commitment on my part to change permanently instead of to just keep the pounds off. I have already found it so “easy” to resist bread and chips (easy as in there isn’t a battle raging inside of me because they are just… not an option!

So, I’m working again on this retraining- going to the fruit supply instead of the pantry supply for food.

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And I see now why all the nutritionists say that you need to make a “life change” because diets sorta wear off, motivation tapers, and old habits slowly creep back in… so even a “life change” can kind of wear off. So, it isn’t really about a “life change” for me… for me it’s a “life commitment”.

A commitment to deny the presence of the sin of gluttony in my life. A life commitment to turn to God for fulfillment. A life commitment to never be the same. to be a new creation. to never be a pantrywaist again.

Day 113: Why Be You, When You Can Be New

So, my youngest son lovvvvvvves the movie Robots.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I love it too! My husband is an inventor and an out-of-the-box kind of guy and so any story along those lines just totally matches up with our family!

Well, aside from the many inspiring parts of the movie, there is one scene in particular that caught my attention today when the movie was playing in the background.

Essentially, the old-school boss of the corporation (Bigweld) has been booted to the side and the fancy-pants money-making robot (Ratchet) has taken his place. Ratchet has decided that it is time to stop making spare parts for the robots forcing them to “upgrade” into expensive shiny new parts.

And it was his sales pitch that got my attention…

What’s our big ticket item?
(“Eye Of The Tiger” plays while images of sleek, sexy robots appear on a screen all the robots are watching)
Upgrades, people, upgrades. That’s how we make the dough. Now if we’re telling robots that no matter what they’re made of they’re “fine”, how can we expect them to feel crummy enough about themselves to buy our upgrades and make themselves look better? Therefore, I’ve come up with a new slogan: “Why be you, when you can be new?”

Originally I started to think about how this is such a parallel to our society. We are pushed by marketing into that mentality of “feeling crummy enough about ourselves to buy upgrades”… upgrades being, like, a zillion things… wrinkle cream, makeup, expensive hair gel (can you tell that’s a personal issue of mine- haha), hair extensions, nails, tanning, containers of SlimFast, subscriptions to Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers, gym memberships, personal trainers, laser hair removal, contacts, tats, earrings, jewelry, clothes, shoes, purses, lasik, hair dye, highlights, extensions, Botox, plastic surgery, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Now I have worn contacts, had lasik, occasionally wear makeup, have had a gym and a Weight Watchers membership. I’ve tanned, got highlights for my wedding, paid a mint for acrylics, and I would love laser hair removal. I can’t even count how many purses, shirts, and shoes I’ve owned over the years.

But… well. None of that “newness” matters. I was still the same… me.

Except where Jesus has made me new. Like I said, originally my entire goal was to mock the catch phrase “Why be you, when you can be new”, but the more I thought about it… the more I realized… wow. That really is enticing if the right voice is saying it to me.

Why be you… addicted to food?
Why be you… a liar and a gossip?
Why be you… who has the self-confidence of a flea?
Why be you… full of lust and greed?
Why be you… self-centered and weak?

So Jesus says to me, “Why be you… when you can be new?” But it’s the kind of “new” that won’t be out of style next season. It’s the kind of new that feels amazing on earth and will be even better in heaven.

It’s the kind of new that I want to be. need to be. am designed to be.

Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Day Eighty-Seven: God > Ghirardelli

Okay, well, I can definitely say at this point that I have lost weight. And I guess I might as well admit it: I weighed myself the other day. I mean, I knew that I had lost two pants sizes and my curiosity got the best of me. And well… I have lost 25 pounds!

I know, right?

The last time I lost 25 pounds was in college… in 1998.

170 had always been my “If I weight 170 then I will do whatever it takes to lose weight”. Little did I know a day would come when I would rejoice at getting down to weighing 170. But I got to 170 my freshman year of college, came home that summer and did the Atkins diet. I also worked as an intern for my church youth group which… well, leaves relatively no time to even think about eating. Those two things together (oh, and my first serious boyfriend broke up with me the first day of summer, so I was determined to get “hot” and get him back) worked to get me down to 150. Add to that going back to college to an ex-boyfriend that still didn’t want me, and I got down to 140.

Then I kept most of it off until I met my husband in 2002 and it slowly crept up to about 190 our first year of marriage. And I never was able to shed that. Occasionally, I’d drop down into the 180s… one time getting all the way down to 180 only to promptly gain it all back within a few months (plus an extra 10 for good measure). So, this January I found myself hovering around 180-190.

And ya know what is said… I can track my entire life through my weight… and it’s like I have said before that weight is a scary thing because I can so easily allow it to define me. And I subsequently give each of those weights a level of “happiness”:

  • 140 = ecstatically happy
  • 155 = meh, life’s okay
  • 170 = something’s wrong with me
  • 190 = I’m a loser
  • 205 = I’m worthless

Truth be told, I was no happier or unhappy at 140 than I was at 205. I was the same person inside… and I was just as obsessed with food at 205 as I was at 140… if not more so at 140. Because having to avoid food in regular circumstances causes just as much obsession as it does when you can eat whatever you want.

But now, I am not the same person. Not the same person that I was at 140… not the same person that I was at 205. I’m not the same person not because of my physical body change but because of the change inside of me. Because I have rediscovered (or perhaps really truly discovered for the first time) an obsession entirely separate from food. And He is far more fulfilling than any piece of chocolate.

Even Ghirardelli.

Your word is so pleasing to my taste buds— it’s sweeter than honey in my mouth! Psalm 119:103

Day Thirty-Nine: Damsel In Distress

I want to start out by saying that I’m so glad that I decided to do this for a year. Five weeks in and I’m realizing that I’m gonna need another 47 weeks to get this worked out. That might sound like I’m “down” but it’s actually almost like a sigh of relief! I am just really glad that I gave myself a lot of time to get “over” this addiction. To work through my bad habits. To become a new creation. Too often before I have expected myself to become a new creation over night and that’s not always the way that it works. I mean, hey, I have thirty-three years of addictive habits that I’m trying to break. That might take a little while!

Now, with that being said, I feel like I have moved into Phase II of this experience. Phase I was getting past my addiction to sugar, namely, chocolate. Honestly… haha, yeah… honestly, I thought that was my only “issue”. Nope. Turns out that I realize over and over that it really wasn’t about the chocolate at all (well, okay, maybe a bit because it was soooooooo good), but that it has been an issue of the heart. So, once chocolate was gone I simply started to slowly work in new “addictions”. But the good news is that I’m not going to let those new addictions master me for the next thirty-three years but I’m going to deal with them now. nip them in the bud now. abolish them from my life now.

So… yeah. In a way I feel like I am back at square one. I’m seeing some of the same tendencies popping back up! Eating what is not beneficial but is still technically “okay” on the fast (e.g. potato chips). Eating past the sensation of full (e.g. dinner last night and tonight when I ate two servings worth and was way past full). Eating too late in the day and ignoring hunger sensations in the hopes that I would let my belly eat a little fat while I starved a bit (e.g. yesterday when I tried to skip lunch altogether).

I can tell that my weight loss has stalled out a little bit and I think that it is because of these things.

So, I’m needing to remind myself of the covenant. And I don’t think that this is a sign of me faltering, or Satan winning, or a lack of faith, discipline, etc.

I have just finished reading through Joshua in my daily bible readings, and after Joshua and the Israelites cross over the Jordan River (God, again, stops the water from flowing so that they can cross) they pile up 12 stones that someone from each tribe picked up when they were crossing the river. Then Joshua tells them why:

“In the days to come, when your children ask their fathers, ‘What are these stones doing here?’ tell your children this: ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ “Yes, God, your God, dried up the Jordan’s waters for you until you had crossed, just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed. This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God in solemn reverence always. Joshua 4:21-24

It’s not that atypical to set reminders… to need reminders. Heck, it’s all through the bible of the Israelites setting up altars to God to remind themselves that He came through. Like Noah when they got out of the boat. He built an altar to God. I just really like how this part ends… the stones are there so that they can tell others what God did… and why He did it: so that everyone would know how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that we would revere Him always.

So, I am going to be thinking over the next few days of a way that I can set up my stones to remind me that God’s rescuing hand (which I just love that adjective… not just His hand, but his rescuing hand) is strong and that I should revere Him. In the past I might have put a picture of me looking all fatty to “demotivate” me from eating, or a picture of me all skinny to “motivate” me to not eat, or a pig, or a… well, you get the picture. But now again, I am pulling the attention away from me and refocusing it on the things of eternity.

And I think when I see those “stones” and remember that my God has a strong rescuing hand… I might just allow myself to be rescued at that moment. A damsel in distress rescued by The Knight In Shining Armor.

Wow… sounds kind of like a love story.

Yep. The Love Story.

Day Eighteen: Glutton Free Pizza

I think last night was one of my first tests… and I “won”!

Our oldest boy requested a pizza and movie night, so my husband took him to pick them up. They went to Walmart and got their Meat Lovers pizza which was fine (although I would have loved a veggie supreme… never thought those words would come out of my mouth) because I just picked off the pepperonis and sausages… just like a kid, hehe!

Now, ya see, I love Walmart pizzas and usually gorge myself on them… five or six big ol’ pieces. But this time… my mind actually wanted to eat within limitation.

Okay, okay. So what’s the big deal? The big deal is that I wanted to limit myself. Not because I want to lose weight. Not to be healthy. Not to save some to sneak later. Not to impress my husband with my dainty self-control. Not even so that I could have a topic for my next post. But because I am not a glutton.

Not anymore.

I am not a glutton. I am a new creation.