Day 246: Walk The Line

Day 7 of my Sans-Snacky fast.

So I have figured out yet another thing about my eating (I know, I know… I thought I’d be “done” figuring stuff out at this point too)!

The other night when I had my Thor Pizza experience, I had justified having the pizza because it was still “around” dinner time… so, yeah, that counts as part of dinner, right?!?!

Yeahhhhhh, no.

So I realized that I didn’t really have a clearly defined concept of “dinner” or of a “meal”. And when rules or expectations are not in black and white then I tend to look for the gray. I tend to want to walk the line… not avoid the line.

And ya know… back in Old Testament days, maybe it was the norm to just sin or not sin. Maybe the “line” wasn’t that big of a deal, but once Jesus came… well, He really stepped it up. He made it more about the motivation behind the choice to sin or not to sin. It suddenly became more about the actual thoughts. It wasn’t just adultery to have an affair, but now to look at a married person and want them was adultery. It wasn’t just murder to take someone’s life… but to hate them… that was murder in your heart.

Well, a similar concept is going on here… I knew in my soul that I was “breaking” my covenant fast with God by eating when I was no longer sitting down to eat dinner at the table but I was still eating. But, I just thought about the outward action of it and since it was “around” dinner time I went with it anyway.

It might not have been gluttony (although it was… cause I wasn’t hungry but I was still eating) from the outside looking in, but it was gluttony in the sense that, in my soul, I was choosing what I was lusting after instead of choosing what was right.

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. 2 Timothy 2:22

So I tell ya… poor Thor… but I think that next time I have to make that pizza that I’m going to have to bake it, take out my son’s two pieces or whatever, and then immediately wrap up the rest of it in foil and toss it in the freezer. I want to run from that stuff. I don’t want to walk that line of sin. I want to run as far away from it as possible!

(And I got some practice at this pretty quick cause my son asked for two pieces of pizza for dinner tonight and then only. ate. one. Oh heavens. But because I had already written this post, I was able to withstand. I wrapped that piece back up and put it in the fridge. Here is the temptation of gluttony in solid form…

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Day Fifteen: The Pancake Problem

Today I had no energy to think about cooking… or eating… or anything! It was a cold, rainy day and my oldest boy woke up about 8,324 times last night because the downspout is right outside his window and it essentially sounds like a battle going on out there when it rains. So, needless to say I was in sleepy-survival mode.

And when he asked for pancakes for lunch, I was relieved that he requested something simple. (He does not have my issue with gluttony… getting him to eat anything is a miracle, so he pretty much gets to eat whatever he asks for… within reason, of course.) But I didn’t want to think about what to cook for myself too, so I thought… okay, pancakes are essentially bread. I can eat bread. It’s not like I put syrup on my pancakes anyway. I shouldn’t have a problem with them.

Well…… yes. And no.

I guess in the pancake mix that I use there is juuuuuuust enough sugar to have made those pancakes taste like the most delectable treat that I have ever had in my life. And there popped up my gluttony in a heartbeat. I ate, like, seven of them. Now they were like little silver dollar pancakes, but the point is that I was completely and totally satisfied after three of them.

I didn’t cross the “line” of the covenant technically, but oh my I sure was standing directly on it. And it backfired. So my mind renewal is that I’m attempting to be above reproach. I don’t want to get ON the line… I want to stay as far AWAY from the line as possible. And here, I “sweet talked” (haha, another diet pun) myself into thinking that those pancakes would be okay for me. But in the end, they didn’t satisfy my soul. Those dern pancakes made me feel empty and defeated. By oversatisfying my body, my soul ended up feeling starved. And some food for thought on that point (hehe, get it… “food” for thought?!?!?! I know. I’m a nerd.)…

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you! I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely. Psalm 63:1-8