Day 720: Remember That Time I Had A Diet Blog And Then Gained Weight???

Well, ya know how it’s not real cool to tell everyone on your diet blog that you’ve gained weight? Cause it doesn’t exactly foster “confidence” in what you are doing. Especially after you’ve had all these articles written and been interviewed for an article in The Atlantic. Yeah, gaining weight would be a totally lame thing to admit to.

But, well, I’m all about being totally open and “transparent” (that’s the new trendy Christian buzz word for “being real” right now, isn’t it?). So, I’m going to tell you that I’ve gained weight.

Only, it’s not pretty. It’s not like, “Oh, I’ve put on the Christmas 5″ or anything cute like that.

Nope, I weighed myself in August and then I weighed myself again this weekend knowing that it would be more but secretly hoping it wouldn’t be. And oh, boy howdy, it was most certainly more.

TWENTY POUNDS MORE.

Since August, people.

Uhhhhhhhhh, yeah. That’s not good.

Not. good. at. all.

So, of course, like I used to do when I weighed myself (and I haven’t weighed myself since Day 118: Trippin), I spiraled into a pit of despair and self-loathing.

Ahhhhhhhh, the life of someone who struggles with weight and eating issues.

But honestly, it didn’t surprise me. I’ve been three-day dieting for months now. You know what I’m talking about…

Monday: I’m so hard core! This is so great to be eating healthy! I feel awesome! No more sugar or bread foreverrrrrr!
Tuesday: Yeah! I’ve still got it. This time… this time is different! This time I’m gonna do it!
Wednesday: Uhhhhhhhhh… why the HECK did my husband’s client send him a box of PREMIUM chocolates?!?!?
Thursday: {Nom Nom Nom on aforementioned box of chocolates}
Friday: Since the box of chocolates is all gone, eat a bag of tortillas because it’s really the only bread in the house. I mean, might as well… cause I ate like a pig yesterday.
Saturday: Self-loathing is at its peak… perhaps sneak into the kids Christmas stocking candy. How much is is that Plexus stuff???
Sunday: Admit defeat, decide you CAN do it this time… tomorrow is the day! Soooo, gotta eat the rest of the Christmas cookies to, ya know, clear the house of their evil.
Monday: Repeat. previous. week. all. over. again. and then again. and then again.

But I’m also going to tell you a very, very important thing…

I’M. NOT. GIVING. UP.

Did I want to order Plexus immediately? Yes. Did I contemplate getting a job just to get me out of my house and away from food? Yes. Did my husband talk me down from doing both of those things? Yes.

Cause here’s the deal: Plexus is an easy fix for me but I know… I know… that it won’t solve my problem. I may not have an eating disorder (or heck, I might… I’ll let my bestie determine that… ironically, she’s a psychologist for all that stuff) but I do know that I have some disordered eating habits.

And that has got to change.

So, to change… I’ve got to make some changes.

Honestly, there are several posts coming up on that this week: changing the way we change, incorporating systems into my life to help with this cuh.ray.zay. weight gain, and most importantly, making deliberately sure that Jesus is more of my DAILY life.

I wanted to write it all here right now, but then this post would be a gazillion words long. So, I’m forcing myself to spread it out over a few days. And, well, if you’ve read this far then hopefully that means that you’ll be on this journey with me… continue on this journey with me, despite the fact that I’ve put on some poundage and because of the fact that God’s changes are on His own timing, but people… HIS CHANGES are oh. so. glorious.

So, here I go. Still journeying on that path from gluttonous… to glorious!

Bull Honky (Haha!)

So I was looking up verses last night with the word glorious in them and I came across this one…
They traded their glorious God for a statue of a grass-eating bull. Psalm 106:20

I thought -wow- that is so like exactly what I was talking about at the beginning of my post, so I bookmarked it. When you bookmark something in YouVersion you can put in a title for it so you can find it later but it needs to be a short title so you can see all the words when you pull up the bookmarks list, so I shortened it. And I just thought the shortened version was funny (and a bit poignant).

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Day 121: UNglorious

I think I’m starting to get a much better understanding of what it was to be an Israelite.

I’ve often read about the Israelites going around and around in circles with God… He would save them, then they would praise Him and adore Him, then they would begin to worship an idol, and then He would punish them, and then they would repent, and He would save them. Over and over again. I was always like, seriously? Why would you worship some gold cow after what He did for you?

But I think now I’m starting to identify a bit more with them.

God has brought me out of my own little proverbial “Egypt” of food addiction. I have spent days praising Him and being in awe of His “mighty hand and outstretched arm”.

But, sitting here at day 121, I can say that over the past four months there have been days when, well, it’s not as… fun. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not breaking the covenant. But sometimes I find myself forcing myself to blog… and not because I don’t want to write (although, there are days of just mere exhaustion with two young boys where that is the case) but because I don’t feel like there is anything “new” to write about. There are days that are just… well, to play off of my “tag line”… there are days that are just UNglorious. At least that is the way that some days feel.

But, really, there are no days that are UNglorious.

The Lord makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. 2 Corinthians 3:18

So even if a day of tge covenant journey is… “boring” or “lame” or just plain “normal”, I am still in the process of being changed into his glorious image. Wow. That just makes every day… a glory day!