Day 426: Fast Fruit

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Soooooooooooooo.

I……… ate a bunch of chocolate on Thursday.

… … …

Ugh.

It was the leftover candy from my husband’s grandfather’s 80th birthday party that did me in. (Those Twix. Oh my. Twix.)

… … …

Annnnnnnnnnnd then I ate a bunch of white chocolate covered popcorn yesterday at a baby shower at my house.

Okay, okay. And I had some punch.

Well, a lot of punch.

… … …

And. A huge slice of cake.

After everyone had left.

While my husband was in the other room.

Sure, these are small indulgences compared to a year a half ago, but I have learned that with me… and with food… there is no small indulgence.

Plus, I have this, ya know, covenant.

With GOD.

Anyway. You know how you have that moment when you really just have to come face to face with the fact that something’s not right. not working. not… yeah. just NOT working.

As I walked through the kitchen in the middle of the night after my toddler woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep on his own cause he has restless leg syndrome, poor thing, I saw the white chocolate popcorn leftover from the baby shower and thought “Ooooooo, I’m gonna get some of that and put the popcorn on my tongue so that the white chocolate is what hits first.”

At 3am.

I mean… seriously?!?!?! Does my dadgum id EVER take a break? It’s making my super-ego work overtime!

Anyway, I immediately thought to myself: fruit fast. I need to do a fruit fast.

I’ve been thinking about it lately anyway. I’ve realized that even though my covenant started out as a fast last year… it sorta just developed into a diet. I think I knew that a long time ago, but I sorta denied it to myself. I wanted it to still be holy. I wanted it to still be righteous. But, it really was… just a diet.

And I wanted to remind myself what it means to really fast. Like, fast to where it “hurts”. Fast so that I feel the sacrifice. Fast so that I long for food for nourishment instead of for one of the other zillion reasons I long for food.

So, I started a fruit fast this morning. I figured I’d go for three days. My husband’s brother and his family arrive on Thursday and I’ll probably be out of pocket pretty frequently at my in-law’s and grandparent-in-law’s where I won’t have as much control over my options. Besides, I’ve never done a fruit fast, so I wasn’t sure how it would affect me.

And holllllly moly.

I’M HUNGRY.

I was all good. I even thought around 10:00 this morning, “Oh yeah… I could so do this for way longer than three days.”

Until about… noon.

And then all I could see was everything in the fridge EXCEPT the fruit. I saw a carrot and thought “Oh my gosh, I’d love a carrot right now. or a bell pepper. or some tomatoes.” Things that I have wanted to try to avoid the past few months because they were allowed and healthy, simply because they were now “forbidden”, they suddenly became my desires. Honestly, I haven’t thought once about sugar or chocolate today… just vegetables and pasta.

And so I knew… “Oh yeah… I needed this.”

I sang some hymns.
I prayed to God.
I ate, like, 17 clementines.
I tamped down my horribly mean attitude that emerges when I am empty (well, for most of the day I did).

And I remembered… hunger.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matthew 5:6

Day Twenty-Four: Trading Addictions

Well, I might be doing a decent job of avoiding brownies but guess what is starting to become the new culprit?

Bread.

I have never really thought of bread as a huge temptation but I do think that I probably eat more of it than I need. I guess my bread overeating always seemed sorta overshadowed by my chocolate… issues.

But again. This is not about a diet. It’s about changing. It’s about renewal. It’s about finding freedom. I’m not into getting rid of one food addiction (sugar/chocolate) only to replace it with another (bread). That’s a change of habit but not a change in my habit of overeating or being addicted to food.

So I’m seriously considering adding bread to the list of the forbidden. I don’t know. Still thinking about it. Maybe I’ll just give it a go of avoiding it again instead of completely cutting it out.

I guess I think about that verse in Matthew:
So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:29-30

I’d rather be hot about this than lukewarm. I’d rather be hardcore than lame. I’d rather be extreme and go without than to be the same forever.

I’d rather be changed! renewed! free!

Day Thirteen: An Apple A Day

Okay so this post will be short and “sweet”. hehe Gotta love “diet” humor eh?

Anyway, I have always been a bit curious as to why an apple would be such a temptation to Adam and Eve. I mean… it’s an apple. (Yes, I know it probably wasn’t an apple but actually some other kind of fruit but the analogy still works.)

But I have a two fold thought about it now:

1) Okay, so it was forbidden and really that alone made it desirable. Why? I don’t know but my brain certainly tends to desire or at least wonder about things that are forbidden. Like, I don’t know… chocolate??? It’s like every piece of it that I come across (and after Christmas I come across it frequently) is physically trying to unwrap itself and jump in my mouth. Or mayyyybe I’m just having some wicked withdrawal hallucinations. Ha!

2) When you are hungry, even something typically undesirable looks gooooooood. Like, an apple. I never want apples on a regular day but today I was hungry and so my mind went to the things I could eat. Suddenly an apple was gorgeous, sweet, luscious, and scrumptious. And that is exactly what a mind renewal is. By unequivocally stopping chocolate or other sweet things from being an option, my mind is renewing it’s process of desire. I now desire an apple! I know, right?!?!?! Cool!

(Side note: gotta check out tomorrow’s post… it totally ties in with that! I just didn’t have enough time today to do the topic justice!)

But again, it is only because I have unequivocally shut down those other foods by making this covenant. Otherwise I can assure you that I would convince myself that one bite of chocolate when I’m hungry would be okay.

I’m loving this sweet deal with God!