Day 700: Stop. Collaborate. And Listen.

My husband said the other day,

“In the morning, I always know who I want to be and how I want to act and what I want to do. I know all of that in the morning. It’s maintaining that throughout the day that is the tough part.”

Then tonight, I thought the same thing as I was brushing my teeth. “Here I am at the end of my day, and I can look back and see all of the things I wish I’d done differently and I can look myself in the mirror and say ‘Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll be who I want to be. I’ll be what I want to be. I’ll act the way I want to act.‘”

But then tomorrow always comes, and despite all of my resolve, all of my willpower, all of my hope, and self-promises, and pep talks… despite all of that, I still find myself just sleep walking right back into the “old” me. The old-me who didn’t follow through on all of that resolve, willpower, hope, promises, pep talks.

Geez.

Way to be depressing, January.

But I’m always up for a little introspective conversation, so I asked myself, “Why? Why do I know who I want to be in the morning before the day starts, then sleep walk through the day making the SAME OL STINKING CHOICES AGAIN AND AGAIN, and then know who I should have been when it’s night again?

It’s like a can’t, or don’t… stop. I need to… I just need to… stop.”

And then, of course, what started to run through my mind?

The Covenant Diet - Stop Collaborate And Listen

Stop, collaborate, and listen.

Yep. That’s right. Vanilla Ice’s famous song began to run through my head.

But really. It’s so. totally. spot. on. to what I need to be doing with my life. with my eating. with my prayer.

I’ve got to stop.

And I mean literally, physically, spiritually…

STOP.

Honestly, I picture myself standing next to my fridge.

In my mind, I can see the candy buckets up on top.

And then I see myself, stopped.

Both hands on the edge of the counter.

Leaning over, looking down.

Stopped.

Praying.

Taking a deep breath.

And remembering again… remembering who I want to be. how I want to be. what I want to do.

Asking God to help make me into that image that I have in my mind.

Asking God to help make me into His image.

While I stop.

And ask God to stop with me.

And collaborate with me.

While I listen to Him.

Day 102: Tortilla Temptations

Okay. Seriously never thought that tortillas would be an area of temptation for me. I mean… don’t get me wrong… I have always enjoyed a good quality tortilla, but a tortilla temptation issue? Nahhhhh.

Untilllllll now.

Cause twice in the past two weeks since I have been off of my hard-core Lent fast of only veggies, fruits, and nuts… I have over eaten tortillas.

I think the reason is that I am “ignoring” a little caveat in my covenant.

I am only to eat bread, pasta, or rice if it is necessary for a meal. Like, enchiladas have to have tortillas… so I can eat them. Lasagna has to have pasta… so I can eat it. Stuffed bell peppers has to have rice… so I can have it.

But let me point out one thing. I said I can have it for a meal. Not as a snack… which is how I have been having it.

So I am going against my covenant in two ways:
1) I am eating bread when it is not a necessary part of a meal.
2) I am overeating them!

One incident and I might have written it off as a flub. (Is flub a word?) But twice? Well, it makes it clear to me that it was a choice.

And when I sorta “realized” that today… I started thinking of how I needed to reign that food in. Should I go no bread for three weeks? Should I just say no to tortillas? Should I go back on my Lent fast?

And then I remembered some reading from yesterday that I did (see how important it is for me to be reading my Bible?) about when the priests found the scroll in the temple with the covenant in it. They told King Josiah and he was all torn up about it and he started making reforms like crazy. I mean… the dude went hard core getting rid of all the stuff that was pulling people away from God. So you might think that is leading me towards doing another hard-core Lent fast, but actually I was sorta brought to a different conclusion. Look at this verse:

The king took his place of authority beside the pillar and renewed the covenant in the Lord ‘s presence. He pledged to obey the Lord by keeping all his commands, laws, and decrees with all his heart and soul. 2 Kings 23:3

And I think that’s sorta what I need to do. I need to renew the covenant. Not that God has faltered or anything but I want to remember the original purpose. the point of it all. and to remember the One who is helping me.

I’m not entirely sure how to go about that. I know that writing it down and then praying it often works for me. There almost needs to be some sort of “ceremony” to it in order for it to really embed the thoughts in my mind and heart.

Either way, I need to make me some veggie enchiladas so I can use up all those dern tortillas!!!