Day 372: Cathartic Cookie Dough

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Ya know when you hit rock bottom?

Like, take Lindsey Lohan’s rock bottom for example… well, sweet dear… she has had many, many rock bottoms. But, I can’t raz on her too much… I’ve had many, many rock bottoms myself. Fortunately there is not a media chain that is terribly interested in recounting every single mistake that I’ve ever made. And while we’re at it… let’s say a prayer for her. I mean, anyone that is pursuing their own personal destruction so readily must be so sad and empty inside. And she can’t escape the eyes scrutinizing her. I truly feel for her.

But anyway, the experience of hitting rock bottom is… beautiful and terrible… both at the same time.

And I mean the true rock bottom. Like, all of my other “rock bottoms” (e.g. eating an entire bag of chocolate chip cookies from Albertsons, eating an entire bag of Sam’s Choice peanut butter cups, eating an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos)… those were just “rock middles”. I just thought they were rock bottom.

But my rock bottom was when I truly felt completely lost. completely hopeless. completely worthless.

Ya know though… I’d felt all of those things before: lost. hopeless. worthless.

But, you see, look at the meaning and the origin for the idiom “rock bottom” from dictionary.com:

rock bottom: The lowest possible level, absolute bottom, as in Wheat prices have reached rock bottom. This idiom alludes to the presence of bedrock that prevents digging farther down.

And that is precisely what rock bottom was for me… The Presence of The Rock that prevented me from going down any further. So this time it was different because I finally moved in the direction of going up. That’s why I think it was TRULY my rock bottom. I simply could not get any lower (well, maybe I could have… but so glad I didn’t) and so the only direction to go was… up!

And, if you don’t know this story about me crying into the huge vat of cookie dough that I made, while looking up the website for Overeaters Anonymous, while continuing to eat cookie dough… I wrote it out on the page Rock Bottom, and then I referenced it on Day 21: Cookie Dough Syndrome and Day 68: Cookie Dough Success.

BUT.

God is faithful. God found me. God gave me hope. And God infused me with His Worth.

And I saw all of that come full circle last week. I made the exact same recipe of cookie dough. I wrapped and froze the same recipe of cookie dough. And on Thursday, I delivered the same recipe of cookie dough.

And I never. took. a. bite.

So it was a time to thank Him, to glorify Him, to give Him all the credit.

But I have to give my sweet boy’s sweet teachers at his preschool some credit too… they were so awesome that it made me want to make them cookie dough in the first place, and then again in the second place!

And I just couldn’t decide which pic I liked better of the three of us soooo I decided to put this one in too!
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Day 228: Chocolate Chip Cookie Confessions

I went to Albertson’s recently for my grocery shopping since I needed some specific cooking ingredients that I can’t ever seem to find at Target (which is like 3 minutes from me so I shop there a lot). Plus I realllllly wanted some Brianne’s Blue Cheese Dressing and they only have that at Albertson’s.

While I was there I had finished up my “dry” shopping (like stuff that is packaged) and my frozen shopping and was heading back over to the veggies to finish up. (I finally figured out about a year ago to save shopping for veggies, fruits, bread, and eggs until the end of my trip so I don’t have to constantly keep them from getting smushed.

Anyway, that “path” through the store forces me to go past the Albertson’s bakery. You know, where they make those bags of chocolate chip cookies. Those delicious chocolate chip cookies. Soft and chewy. {drool}

Well, I always used to take my oldest son with me shopping and he would always convince me to get him a bag of those cookies, but since he does not struggle with overeating, he would often forget that we had them and so I would proceed to devour the entire bag by myself. Of course, more often than not, hiding the entire bag from my husband so he didn’t even know we had them. Oh, sick, sick me. What a sad little puppy I was.

But yesterday I was looking through the pantry for a snack and man, my eyes kept going back to one of the boys’ pop tarts. And I knew that at that moment, we’re I finished with my covenant that I would eat it. And I knew that if I had a bag of those cookies and I were finished with my covenant that I would eat them.

And I sighed a little bit. And I admitted to myself that this covenant will go far longer than a year. For these issues run deep. But…

    But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. John 1:9

And that promise is enough to keep me going. Even if it means a 70 year covenant with Him… he will cleanse me from my wickedness!