Re: Hey! I found your blog last night…

Hey! I found your blog last night as I was googling. I too struggle with overeating. I have been on a chronic dieter and lately all it’s doing is driving me crazy! I was wondering where you are now in your journey. What foods are you staying away from? I feel like I will probably have to do something drastic to find victory and freedom. I just don’t know what to do or how to stick to anything.

I got this message today from someone on facebook and I started to write a reply to her on there, but then I thought… hey, maybe everyone would like to know this… soooooo, here’s my “update”. It started out as an actual “reply” and then sorta morphed into a message to… everyone…

I’m on a bit of a struggle myself right now to be perfectly honest! I have found though that when I stick to the foods on my list (thecovenantdiet.com/what-i-eat) I’m totally golden!

But that’s the hard part. Notice how I said I’m golden WHEN I stick to the foods on my list! I get caught up in the three-day-diet cycle… I can stick to it for three days and then I crater and then I eat like crap for four days (cause everyone knows that you can’t start anything until a Monday, right??? Ha!). When I made the commitment originally and I committed for a year, I was totally great… it was almost easy… but then as soon as I was “done” with that year I started to do that justification game with sweets: “Oh it’s a special occasion.” or “Oh I don’t really have any good food in the house” and my fav “Well, I already messed up for the day so might as well go for it!“, etc. But then it got to the point where I stopped caring… even if I committed my eating and my nutrition to God. I think my subconscious knew that the main reason I was committing to God was only because I wanted to get the weight off again – not that I actually cared what God thought.

I think that it bothers me MORE that I’m going through a phase of not really caring either way if I’m honoring God or not… that’s more worrisome than needing a larger pair of jeans. Keeping it real…

I need to get myself connected with God through habitually meeting with Him every single day.

I have completely neglected that very thing over the past year or two and I can tell that it is permeating into every little aspect of my life. Like, I don’t care right now that my kids are sitting playing our iPad for the past hour. I don’t care that my kitchen looks like the cabinets vomited out every single plate, cup, and utensil we own. I don’t care that I have a week of laundry piled up. I don’t care that my hair looks a mess. I don’t care that I’ve stayed up until midnight for four days in a row and I am killllllling my body, my mind, my patience, my willpower. I don’t care that I just ate half a bowl of cookie dough. Heck…

I don’t even care that I don’t care!

Okay, well, I sorta do care about that one a little. I guess that’s why I’m writing this. But what I do know is that my soul won’t change… my soul won’t care unless I go to The One that made my soul. The One who crafted me. The One who genuinely cares that I… care.

Will meeting with Him every day “fix” me? Geez. I dunno. Will meeting with Him every day help to realign who I am with what I am meant to be: a blessing? Well, it is certainly a start.

But y’all. I ain’t gonna lie…

I need help.

I need some encouragement to do that! I don’t have anyone in my life that I am committed to in that regard… maybe one of you will commit with me. I don’t know… maybe we can make one of those facebook groups or something? Some place… some people… where I can be reminded every day to go to Him who will remind me every day that I am intended to be a blessing and where I can remind you that you are intended to be a blessing. Where we can remind each other that we love the Word of God. That we NEED the Word of God. Where we can remind each other that a focus on Him is a blessing to us and then that’s a blessing to the world. To be told time and time again that this food thing is only to distract us from our purpose.

I totally feel like I’m putting out there some kind of “Will you be my friend” plea or something! Haha! But, hey, why not?!?!?! Will you? Will you be my friend? I’ll be your friend! We can help each other look to God… I just know it. What do you think???

Maybe, comment on here if you have an idea or would want to “be my friend” (haha)… or if you are on facebook or twitter let me know on there by commenting on a post or replying to a tweet. Let’s see what we can figure out!

(And thanks to Miss Facebook Message Girl for messaging me… I know that you were reaching out for yourself, but your message will hopefully end up as a blessing to all of us!)

Day 730: In Defense Of New Year’s Resolutions

The Covenant Diet - In Defense of New Year's Resolutions

www.thetomkatstudio.com

When I was a teacher, I loved a lot of things about the job. I really enjoyed getting to hang with teenagers every day… I know that makes me kinda wack, but I really did enjoy it. I loved talking about language and stories and persuasion and all of that “English stuff”. I loved helping a kid who had trouble expressing themselves and helping them find their voice.

But honestly, ask any teacher and once we get past the”touchy-feely” parts about why we like teaching, there are a few semi-selfish reasons that we like the job: the breaks. Especially summer break. No, it wasn’t a time devoid of any work… I found myself up at the school multiple times during the summers, but it was a break.

And that break allowed me to start clean, fresh, new every single year.

A new class, a new start, new faces, new lives, new minds.

I didn’t have to keep figuring out ways to keep Bobby Joe focused during reading instead of dreaming about the car he was fixing up at home… because he went on to the next grade. I didn’t have to deal with Samantha and her sassy retorts to every word that would come out of my mouth… because she went on to the next grade. I didn’t have to try to decipher Megan’s handwriting anymore… because she went on to the next grade.

Sure, the new year would bring new students with their own sets of issues, but it was okay. I was ready. I was going to start new. I’d ended the school year before analyzing the things that I’d done and figuring out how to tweak them so that I could make my students’ learning easier as well as my my life more streamlined. And ya know what?

Each year did get easier.

Despite the fact that sometimes the classes were more difficult to handle one year and not the next. Despite the fact that I had a new principal pretty much every single year and had to learn “their way” of running things. Despite the state changing criteria or tests or whatever. I got better each year at planning and at adjusting.

{Ummmmm, okay, so thanks January for that recap on your educational career.}

Well, the thing is… the turn of the New Year is kind of like that for me spiritually. I can view it as a fresh start. Kind of like I imagine the Jews feel after Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement) when they have confessed been forgiven by God and He has sealed their fate for the next year. It’s just an enticing sort of thought… being pure and new and fresh and clear and new. Because…. well, because…

There is hope in a new beginning.

And hope in Him is often what keeps us going. Now I’m not saying that you should make a slew of resolutions, but I think you should make one:

Pursue God this year.

Pursue His Word. Pursue His Love. Pursue His Forgiveness. Pursue His Wisdom. Pursue His Hope. Pursue His Voice. Pursue Him.

Then receive the peace that comes from His Word. Receive the comfort that comes from His Love. Receive the freedom that comes from His Forgiveness. Receive the renewal that comes from His Wisdom. Receive the joy that comes from His Hope. And receive guidance that comes from His Voice.

You can watch how all of that will trickle down into those goals, hopes, and dreams you have for the year. It is one resolution that won’t fail YOU!

Give it a try, oh, and have a Happy, Happy New Year!

Recipe: Vegetarian Hummus & Kale Tostadas (aka: Chalupa)

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Let’s just get down to the nitty gritty.

Is a flat, fried corn tortilla a tostada or a chalupa?

I’ve done some very, very scientific research on this matter (i.e. wikipedia and cafemom and food.com) and here’s my take:

A tostada is a toasted/fried flat or bowl shaped tortilla (usually made from corn) with toppings on it.

A chalupa is the shallow bowl tostada (unless you are going through the Taco Bell line in which case a chalupa is a soft-dough thick fried flour tortilla folded into “boat” form.

I wanted to clear that up before any fights ensued. Granted, apparently these terms vary by location, so it might be different where you live and eat!

Either way, my husband made me the most amazing tostada/chalupa today for lunch! I baked and fried some corn tortillas for tostadas the other day for the fam (which were also super yummy) and we had two left, so my hubs made up his own invention and I. loved. it.

(By the way, there is no question which of us is the better cook: HE is. Hands down.)

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Vegetarian Hummus Tostada/Chalupa

  • 2 tostadas/chalupas*
  • 1/2 cup of hummus
  • 1/4 cup of crumbled feta
  • 1/4 cup of chopped kale or greens
  • 5-6 cherry tomatoes, quartered
  • (For vegan: substitute pine nuts in lieu of the feta)

Instructions

  1. In a small bowl, mix together hummus, feta (saving a few pieces for topping), and kale.
  2. Spread it over the tostadas.
  3. Top with a few more pieces of feta and the tomatoes.
  4. Eat!

I know it’s simple, and didn’t really need a “recipe” but it was just so yummy and so something I’d never thought about that I had to share! Props to my love, Mr. Chord Dice, for making me lunch! I wasn’t even going to post today but it was so yummy I had to share!

* Here is the recipe that I used for making tostadas

  1. Lay them flat on the oven rack at 250° for 7 minutes (keep an eye on them and take them out earlier if they are too brown).
  2. Heat up a skillet with 1/4 inch of canola oil on medium-high (I actually used half canola oil and half coconut oil because I ran out of canola)
  3. With a pair of tongs, lay the tortilla into the oil for about 20-30 seconds using the tongs to push it down into the oil, then flip it over and fry it for an additional 20 seconds.
  4. Lift the tortilla out of the pan allowing the oil to drip off and place the tortilla on a towel-lined plate (or, if you are green like me, put it on a cooling rack with a cookie sheet underneath it so that the oil just drips onto the cookie sheet).
  5. Finish with the rest of the tortillas!

And because I am the queen of selfies, I had to take one with my tostada/chalupa! Haha!

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Day 665: God Knew All Along

As I work {very slowly} on bringing this new blog site up to par, I’ve gotten a chance to look back at a lot of my older writings (and when you’re on Day 665 of a blog… well, there are A LOT of older writings). And as I tweaked and updated the My Story page, I realized that this was the last sentence on there:

So, here’s to attempting to live a covenant life… for the rest of my life.

And in light of the fact that recently I have covenanted to quit sugar for the rest of my life (Day 657: I Quit), that sentence of mine really, really grabbed my attention. Cause friends, I wrote that sentence… on May 18, 2011 and it is now November 4, 2013!

What I think is so cool about that, is that God knew.

God Knew All Along

God knew all along!

You see, I recently went to a women’s night where KariAnne Wood, author of the Thistlewood Farms blog, spoke on that very thing… and said that very thing. She had these expectations and plans and yet God had something quite different for her, but the thing was… He knew all along.

And it seems to me as I look back and see that sentence I wrote two and a half years ago… God knew all along that I would transfer my covenanting into a lifelong journey. He knew all along that I would need Him for the rest of my life. He knew all along that I would try it my own way and then find how much better His way really is.

He knew all along.

And back on my verrrrrrrrry first Daniel Fast, on May 18, 2011… He whispered His plan into my soul.

What a wonderful thing to know that God has the plans and purpose for our life and He will override our plans with His. We can remember that when times are hard and tough and not going as we expect. And we can find hope and comfort and peace in knowing that no matter what, we will fall into His purpose and His plan.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

Day 664: Where HAVE I Been?

I thought for a long time when I started to struggle with food again that I was being punished by God.

I know, it’s kind of ridiculous.

But I just couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get past this… addiction. Mainly because I had been able to resist sugar for a whole year and now I found myself plummeting back down toward that same rock bottom where I started. I would pray and pray and pray the psalmist’s prayer…

O Lord, I cry out to you. I will keep on pleading day by day. O Lord, why do you reject me? Why do you turn your face from me? Psalm 88:13-14

(And if you need to read more of those prayers, here are several: Psalm 13:1-3, Psalm 27:7-9, Psalm 102:1-2)

Until lately as my teacher has helped me to start to see my life the way Christ sees it: in panoramic.

With the purpose of each moment bleeding into the next moment into the next to the next. Even the “bad” ones next to the “good” ones. Moments of triumph. Moments of failure. Moments of hope. Moments of despair.

All of those were working together.

To lead me to… now.

To lead me to… Him.

And I thought it would be kind of cool to look through all of the moments that, now, I can see as His hand. His work. Now, this journey started years and years and years ago… I can remember as early as elementary school when I would wake up in the night at a slumber party to go raid the candies and snacks in secret. But for now, I’m just going to go over the past nine-months.

My First Chocolate: In January, a month after I’d “finished” my year-long covenant with God to not eat sugar, my husband and I finished up a trade show in California for his product, Chord Dice. We celebrated an amazing week with a steak dinner and dessert. It was delicious. And I had no idea the struggle that I was opening myself to.

My First Party: When I finished my covenant, I had decided that it would be best to gradually put sugar back into my life lest I go buck wild. So, I was only going to have sugar at birthday parties and on national holidays. It was very specific and led for little interpretation. Well, not long after having my first chocolate, I threw my husband a birthday party at the beginning of February. I ate cake and cake balls and chocolate covered popcorn all the batters associated with making them. And I ate and ate and ate. For dayyyyyyyyys. I was ashamed. embarrassed. confused. I thought that I had overcome all of this?!?!

{In between the party and the retreat that I’ll talk about next, I was a wreck with eating everything and anything in sight. I’d yo-yo… a few days of being “good” and then a few days of being “bad”.}

My Retreat: Twice a year I go on a mom’s retreat called MomsAway. It’s very laid back with LOTS of free time and I can wear my PJs the entire time. I love it. I need it. And I get to spend hours and hours with just me and God… and well, that pretty much never happens at home. So, this time I went with the main goal of wondering a) should I go back to work or stay home and work on this blog solely and b) what the heck was going on with my eating?!?! God revealed verrrrrry clearly that He wanted me to stay home one more year and work on this. And I also heard from Him for the first time, “Give up sugar… forever.” But, I ran from that and decided that I would go off sugar again for five years.

{Yeah, that didn’t work… something had “snapped” in me whenever I had that first sugar in January and I couldn’t seem to stop eating it. I kept going through the yo-yo. On again off again.}

My Many Fasts: In an effort to “figure out” what was going on, I started doing short term Daniel Fasts. I was trying to get back to what started me out in the first place: my love for God over food. I would feel amazing during the fasts and I would feel like “Okay- this is it! I’m back!” but then a few days after the fast was over, the walls would come tumbling down again. I remember thinking: I need a fast that, like, never. ends.

My Teacher: I joined a class in church a while back with this teacher (James Tippit) that is just uh.maz.ing. His teachings push me beyond what I have always accepted and he challenges my thinking but above all, he encourages us. Not in the sense that he does a little pep talk all the time but in the sense that he just reminds me of some of the most important things that God has said about me and to me.

And the most recent one was on Day 650: Liar, Liar, He’s On Fire when he helped me to see that Satan had been telling me this lie my whole life (telling all of us this lie) that if we sacrifice or hold back from doing something that we are going to miss out. So I kept hearing that voice in my head when I would hear the inner battle over food, “January, if you walk away from that plate of cookies, you are not going to miss out.”

My Jeans: Yep. My jeans are one of my big points. I’ve known for months that I was gaining weight, and many of you can identify with this… it didn’t matter that I was gaining weight… I couldn’t. stop. eating. I would even think of the fact that my jeans were getting tighter and tighter and almost to the point where I couldn’t even button them. They were certainly so small that I couldn’t wear them with any cute “fitted” tops. But the thing was, my jeans not fitting wasn’t a sign to me that things were a “little off”… because a little off means that maybe they are snug… we we are talking MAJOR MUFFIN TOP. No, more accurately, there was no muffin top up there, but a POUND CAKE. Essentially, my jeans were telling me a similar story: you have GOT to address this. Stop running from it or you won’t even fit into your jeans.

My Jonah Moment: Then one night while folding clothes, I was praying about what to do. I could hear that small voice to the right and the left saying “This is what to do.” Give up sugar forever. Change your life. (Isaiah 30:21) But just like Jonah, I was too scared for God to ask such a big thing of me. And so I’d been running from that idea… and running away from that idea meant eating and eating and eating… eating junk, junk, junk.

My Circle Prayer: So, as I read The Circle Maker that my husband’s Nanny got for me, I decided why not? I’ll pray it. So I wrote out my circle prayer.

the circle maker weight loss size 6 prayer

And then things began to tumble into my decision last week on Day 657: I Quit to quit sugar (just in the nick of time before Halloween started too)! And it was immediately freeing.

I write all of this for a reason.

You see, this change… this coming to the conclusion to quit sugar forever… it didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t happen in a week or two weeks. It happened over months and months and months.

But you know the awesome, Awesome, AWESOME thing about this?

I have learned so much about God.

I have learned that He is working even when I think my life is dismal.
I have learned that being determined may not mean progress but it might just mean holding on.
I have learned that God loves me.
I have learned that sometimes God purposefully works slowly.
I have learned that God isn’t going to give up on me and hasn’t given up on me.
I have learned that life is not as much about accomplishing something as it is about keeping my life steered toward Him.
I have learned that just because I don’t think things are on the right path doesn’t mean that I’m off course.

And my list could go on and on.

But I have also learned the power of prayer. Little prayers. Prayers of crying out. Prayers of humility. Prayers of desperation. Prayers of honesty. Prayers for help.

Those prayers have not fallen on deaf ears. He might not have swooped down to “save” every time that I begged for help, but He was listening all along. And He has given me just enough to get through… just enough hope. just enough strength. And He has shown me story after story in the bible where His work was on His own time… and seemingly sooooooooo. verrrrrrrrry. slowwwwwwww. But the end result was always awesome!

So.

Where have I been?

All this time… I’ve been with God.

I didn’t necessarily know it.

But I’ve been with Him.

And He with me.

Day 659: Where Have You Been?

Now that I feel like I’m starting over, I thought it would be a good time to do a little bit of looking back.

Not so much to see what went “wrong” but more so to see where He was.

Because you know that saying “Hindsight is 20/20″? Well, that’s the cool thing about being on the other side of a struggle spiritually is that you get to see all of those places where God was working. It’s kind of like that Footprints in the Sand story… ya know where God is walking with this guy and they are looking back at his “spiritual beach” where they walked together and there are footprints. So the guy looks back and is all like “God, I see here when I was happy in my life and doing well there were two sets of footprints in the sand where you and I were walking side by side. But here in my life where I struggled and worried and hurt… there is only one set of footprints. Why did you leave me when I needed you most?!?!” And God replies, “It wasn’t that I left you… those moments when you see only one set of footprints… that is when I carried you.”

Honestly, I was going to make fun of that story just now before I typed it because I’ve heard it soooooooo many times it’s almost become cheesy to me. But as I look back at the “spiritual beach of my life” over the past nine months I know that He has carried me more times than I realized. So, my little story there, instead of being cheesy to me, just brought tears to my eyes.

It’s not just that He was working in me during that time… but He was carrying me too.

And, well, let’s be honest… sometimes He was probably dragging me kicking and screaming. I bet a few times he just flung me over his shoulder while I threw my little temper tantrum.

But, He kept on.

And that is my message for you friends!

HE WILL KEEP ON.

God doesn’t stop with His plan for your life. He doesn’t pause. He doesn’t take a coffee break. He doesn’t falter or sidetrack.

God will keep on working.

Even when it doesn’t feel like there is any way on earth that you could be part of His plan… He is working in you and He is carrying you.

Stay close. Keep the faith (literally). Stay the course.

Day 659: Easy Peasy

I’m about to drop a mental bomb on you, so prep yourself.

You ready?

I mean seriously, get a glass of water or something because it’s gonna get cuh.ray.zay. up in here.

Okay.

Here we go.

easier to stay on diet

Bam.

You’re mind is blown, right?

But seriously… this little tiny fact is oftentimes the thing that makes it or breaks it for dieters and lifestyle changers. But if you’re still like “Okay, what exactly does she mean?” It’s this:

Dieting or changing your eating lifestyle is HARD. I mean… you are typically going against what your body and mind have gotten very, very used to. And your body and mind are both going to want to cry out for the way you used to do things and quite possibly the way that you’ve always done things. So, you’ve got to make it as easy on yourself as you CAN.

Specifics:

  1. Make a meal plan. Make one every week (or every two weeks or every month). It doesn’t have to be anything fancy… I mean there are some weeks that mine looks like this… Monday: Tacos, Tuesday: leftover tacos, Wednesday: Black Bean Soup, Thursday: Black Bean Soup leftovers, Friday: Homemade pizza, Saturday: Homemade pizza leftovers, Sunday: lunch leftovers
  2. Include LUNCHES in your meal plan. I don’t know why on earth it has taken me so long to figure this out, but I do so much better if I plan out what I’m going to eat for lunch too. Again, it may be easy for you… Monday: Salad, Tuesday: baked potato, Wednesday: Salad, Thursday: Panini, Friday: Black Bean Couscous, Saturday: Leftovers, Sunday: Out To Eat
  3. Go grocery shopping. It is strangely much easier to cook a recipe if you already have all of the ingredients. Huh. Go figure. {Again, WHY OH WHY did it take me so long to figure this out!?!?!} I think the best way to do this is to schedule which day of the week is your meal planning day and then the next day be grocery shopping day. Or, I also will often take my preschooler to play at the park or McDonalds or something and I’ll plan it out while he plays and then we go right to the grocery store.
  4. Get LOTS of healthy snacks. Again… no brainer. But my brain is just being rewired I guess. When you go to the grocery, get a lot of fruit. Just try to avoid that entire middle area of processed food cause it’s no where nearly as good for you or as good for your taste buds. Get grapes, bananas, apples, pre-cut watermelons, clementines, and a pear or two if you are feeling really fun. Those are all snacks that are easy to eat and yummy when you’re needing a sugar fix.

Like I said, I know that these are not major epiphanies, but these are things that even just TODAY I have remembered are important when dieting.

But MOST IMPORTANTLY… don’t give up! If you miss a week of good eating, then spend this evening planning out your meals and go to the store tomorrow. It’s no big deal… it’s all about the journey to health, it’s not about being 100% healthy overnight! It might take you a year… or three years to lose your weight or change your eating habits, but that’s so much better than NEVER losing the weight or changing your eating habits. Remember: God Loves You. You are NOT a lost cause. Trust the slow work of God. {Each of those is a post that will encourage you along those lines!}

Day 658: Day Two, Part II

writers block

I’m gonna admit.

I’m almost at a loss today about what to write.

After yesterday’s commitment and post, everything seems so… NEW! I feel almost like I’m starting over. And I just have so. much. to. say.

You might be thinking, Awwwwwww, that’s so sad. But it’s not! It’s so totally wonderful. You see, that’s what I love, Love, LOVE about Christ. We get to try again and again and again. Sure, there might be consequences that come from us doing it our own way… for example, I can barely fit the “consequences of eating terribly” into my jeans, but I don’t get kicked to the curb or told “Sorry, that was your one chance. No more for you.”

I get to start over if I want.

But now I’m wiser.

And now I’m closer.

Closer to a size six?

No.

I’m closer to HIM.

And He is the garment that I want to wear anyway. I want His spirit to cover me so completely that my size doesn’t matter… that food doesn’t matter… that nothing else matters but Him and blessing the world with His Love.

Day 657: I Quit.

i quit

Yep.

That’s it.

I’m done.

Out.

No more.

I quit.

… … …

Seriously.

I’m not joking.

… … …

You see, for months I’ve been just downright struggling with this whole experience. I’ve put on a whole pant size for sure (and yet you can be darned sure that I’m still squeezing my size ten rear into my size eight jeans because I don’t want to go buy a bigger size… because I WON’T go buy a bigger size) and I’m just so weighed down and shackled to food again it’s become nigh unbearable.

I can’t make it through a Sunday School lesson without breaking down in tears.

I’ve cried to my husband multiple times.

I seriously, seriously, seriously was considering calling my church to see if they would work out some kind of deal for me to get counseling up there.

Things in my soul have been a total and complete roller coaster.

I mean, every few days I would find a new “resolve” and would have faith in myself again that I could do this and then day three or four would hit and well, all it takes for me is that one bite of chocolate…and well, it would all go downhill from there.

And so this past week, I’ve just really had to face up to what is going on here…

I can’t do this anymore.

So, I’m going to quit.

Okay, but I’ll end the suspense.

I’m not quitting The Covenant Diet… I can’t quit it. God has brought me so far and I know… I KNOW… that He is faithful. I’ve read too many accounts in the Bible where He brought people through terrible, terrible adversity to reveal His Glory OR to make them face up to the fact that He really IS in control.

And here’s the deal: He has shown me over and Over and OVER and OVER and OVER again what I need to do. Like I said on Day 653: Just Like Jonah, I just keep running from it. But in my heart for months He has been telling me through friends, through the wisdom in his Word, through Sunday School, through prayer… He has been saying that I have GOT to make this sugar thing a total and complete lifestyle change.

As in… never again.

As in… quit.

Quit.

Quit eating sugar.

For.ev.er.

… … …

I know, right?!?!?

… … …

For.ev.er.

… … …

That’s nuts!

Wellllll, yeah, but so was giving up sugar for a year. But it was one of the best years of my life. Total and complete freedom.

So, this post could go on and on today… and I’ll explain more about how I came to this point in the following days’ posts… but here’s the deal.

I’ve been running from God.

Just like Jonah.

And I’m tired.

I’m tired of running.

I’m tired of trying to do this battle with food my way.

I’m tired.

And I’m failing at doing it my way.

I’m tired of failing.

So, I’m looking at this raging sea in my soul and I know that it’s raging because of me.

Because of my decision to go my own way.

And I’m done.

I’m just ready to quit.

So, this morning, I took one last sigh.

{Sigh}

Stood up and walked to the edge of this boat in this raging sea.

And I dove in.

I dove into the waters of His grace and mercy.

I dove into the waters of self “sacrifice”.

I dove into the waters of freedom.

I dove into the waters that will guide me back to where I need to be.

Will it be easy to give up sugar for.ev.er.???

Heck to tha NO.

It sure as heck wasn’t easy for Jonah to live in a whale’s stomach either.

But it got him back to where he needed to be.

And that was where God wanted him to be.

And as I tread water in this sea that is my soul, I realize that as soon as I jumped in… it was immediately calm. Refreshing even. Going His way instantly brings me more peace than I had during any of the days of trying to do it on my own.

The peace I have felt just in this one day… well, it just makes me so glad that I finally… finally…

quit.

i quit SUGAR

Day 653: Just Like Jonah

Lately I’ve been continuing to think about what can I do to help me get back on track. Well, to get back on track faster. I know that I’m on the right track of fighting back against my issues with food, but admittedly, I just want to be over it… faster.

So I tend to want to go back to how I did things at the beginning: by fasting for a few weeks. But then my brain is all like “No, you need a total 100% lifestyle change!” but, honestly, I am so daunted by that. The rest of my life… to commit to eating healthy without sugar for the rest of my life!?!?! It’s such a HUGE commitment. So instead, I just avoid it. I eat MORE junk than I would have normally. Cause… yeah, like that’s gonna help.

I’m afraid of making a huge commitment of “sacrifice” so what do I do? I run from it.

Like Jonah.

And just like God caused Jonah to get DUMPED into the sea to put him back on course, so will God do the same to me. So maybe it’s time to say, “God. I’m the one. I’m causing this ship to toss about in this terrible storm. I give up. Send me back to the path.”

So, I say that to Him now.

Say it with me if you are struggling (in any area):

God, put me back on Your path.

Allow me, as Jonah did, to see your undeserved grace and mercy.

I ask that, as with Jonah, your grace and mercy would fall on me and on those who hear my story and hear your offer of mercy.

Your way.

Your path.

Your message.

is life.

Help me, God. Help me to choose your true life.

 jonah belly of the whale