Day 306: Dangeometer

As much as I wouldn’t like to admit this… I really think that maybe I’ve gained a little bit of weight back. Probably about 5 pounds or so… since I don’t weigh, I’m not sure. I say this because my “comfy jeans” are more like “snug jeans” around the middle. A big difference though between the way I looked at weight gain “then” and the way I look at weight gain now is that before, when I gained weight, it was me. my fault. my inadequacy. my failure. my worthlessness. my stupidity. me. me. me.

But now, I use weight gain as… well, as an indicator light. Which I like to call my “Dangeometer” which is a total steal from the movie Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs… and can I just say that I lovvvvvve that movie?!?! We just had to return it to the library after having had it for three weeks, and I’m pretty sure that I miss it more than the kids!

Anyway, my dangeometer is not necessarily an indicator that I’m eating poorly. or that I’m eating too much. or that I’m eating the “wrong” things.

It is honestly a pretty good indicator of where I am with Jesus.

Cause if I’m gaining weight then I know that I’m doing at least one of those eating things above. But the eating is, honestly, not what concerns me anymore. The eating is what shows me that something is off. It indicates to me that I’m not relying upon the One that satisfies. And that sets off an even bigger and more important dangeometer in my mind!

It’s really the first time in my life that I have realized that I had gained weight and not freaked out about my clothes not fitting… and not worried about how I will look in a bathing suit… and not felt like I was a failure at dieting. Cause when I pulled on my comfy jeans and thought “Hmmmmm, these are a bit snug… I wonder if I have gained a bit of weight back lately what with all my snagging a tortilla there and a few chippies there…” the next thing that I asked myself was, “Why am I relying on something else other than Jesus? It’s definitely time for some introspection… and prayer… and searching.”

Soooooooo much better than blaming myself, than talking down to myself, than hating on myself.

So I started off with a simple prayer that I’ll be praying over and over again:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

And then I read more about what to do:

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. James 4:7-10

Twice… I see to humble myself before God. Not sure what that exactly looks like… gonna be working through that. Probably though, as I “come close to God” I will be forced into humility… I have a feeling that the closer I get to His Presence, the more that my natural reaction will be to humble myself.

And seriously… ya know, considering that gaining a fewish pounds is gonna bring me a bit closer to God… I’m pretty glad those little fat globs found their way to my belly.

Day Fifty-Four: Why? Oh, Why?

A couple friends of mine have mentioned lately that they have been trying to find the “source” of their overeating (or whatever stronghold they are dealing with). And so I think that I’m gonna decide if that is something I need to do as well, and well I might as well think it through on here…

So, one friend said that she discovered that her over eating was because she grew up in a house with no rules. She was supposed to eat whatever made her happy. Now she really enjoys the “rules” of a system like Weight Watchers because it gives her structure to an area of her life where she felt she could be indulgent before as her one area of “freedom”.

And this makes me think of another friend of mind who adopted a toddler boy from Africa. She was counseled to let him eat whenever he wanted because he might come from a situation where he was a) unable to get food or b) denied food. Naturally this is a case also where looking at his past will influence her decisions with feeding him for years to come.

And now on to those of us who might not have had a terribly structured or unstructured home life when it came to eating and don’t have anything particularly scarring on our pasts. Should we delve into our pasts to, for lack of a better word, “blame” someone or something for our overeating?

Honestly, I still don’t really know. After all, I’m not a counselor or a nutritionist. All I know is that I am a Bible reader, soooooo I’m just gonna see what the Word has to say about it.

And there is this one instance that I can recall of when Jesus heals someone and the past is discussed. Jesus and his disciples are walking around and they see a man who had been blind since birth. The disciples want to know who is to blame for the man’s blindness (because it was pretty much believed that someone’s sin caused their illness), and Jesus replies:

“It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” John 9:3

So, I’m not sure if I should “blame” my parents, the girls that were mean to me in elementary school, the media, Satan, etc. or if I should let it go. But I do know that either way, I want for it to enable people to see the power of God in me.