Let Them Eat Cake

My friend at school had her birthday yesterday and another one of the teachers made her a red velvet cake… positively loaded with icing.

It looked… awesome.

And it looked… terrible.

It looked so awesome tasty and that’s what made it look terrible. It looked like a terrible turn off the path for me. I eyed that cake through most of lunch… talking about it in my mind.

I don’t have to eat it.

But it is her birthday, so you’d better have some.

Yeah, but no one will notice if you don’t eat it.

Oh, what if the girl who made it notices if I don’t eat it and she gets her feelings hurt thinking my decline means that I don’t think it will taste good?

Maybe I could slip out before she even offers it.

But, I mean, it’s just one slice.

And that’s what got me. I remembered all the times that I’ve said “just one” and then later that always turns into “Well, since I already had one then I might as well…”

But then I remembered two other times that I’ve quite successfully celebrated my own birthday without cake… when I turned 34 and when I turned 35.

So I said to myself “Ya know. It will still be Adria’s birthday even if I don’t have cake.”

Annnnnnnnd that was it.

The struggle was over. I sat through the rest of lunch, cake-less.

But also stressless. sugarless. guiltless. gluttonless.

And yet despite all that “less”, I sure was…

HopeFULL!

Day 632: You Say It’s My Birthday

The hubs and I out for birthday lunch!

The hubs and I out for birthday lunch!

Yesterday was my birthday.

I’m now officially 35!

So, I’m no longer in my early-thirties; I’m officially in my MID-thirties. Not entirely sure what the significance of that is though since I never really matured past thirteen. I’m still goofy, nerdy, a terrible dresser, and have more bad hair days than good.

Anyway, we had a fun little family party last night, and for those of you who struggle with sugar, you know birthdays can be a… challenge.

And about a week ago I thought, “Hey, ya know, I’m gonna test the waters with my ‘new covenant’. I’m going to eat some of my birthday cake. A real birthday cake with chocolate and icing and the whole nine-yards.”

As I was thinking that, I remembered that I wrote about last year’s birthday on Day 266: Blessed Birthday and about how it was a no-cake-for-me birthday. So, I thought that for nostalgia purposes I would go back in and reread it.

Yeah. It totally changed my mind.

And ya know, I might have been totally fine if I’d had cake yesterday. But for MONTHS and MONTHS I’ve been praying for God to lead me back to the freedom I knew that first year… and I read the last sentence of Day 266 and it stopped me dead in my tracks:

“Seriously, who needs a birthday cake with all of that blessing? Not this girl. Not this year.”

I thought… I don’t need a birthday cake.

Not this girl.

Not this year.

 

And for the record, I didn’t have one. My mom got my kids cupcakes so that they could blow out candles and she got a pineapple to stick candles in for me, but we ended up not even doing that. Know why… because I was having so much fun just being with my family that I forgot about me. I forgot about cake. I forgot about sugar. All I wanted to do was just live and enjoy the blessing of my life and my family.

That, my friends, was a real celebration of life!

The only other pic I took on my birthday was a crazy pic that I put on facebook to help get my husband's business some attention!

The only other pic I took on my birthday was a crazy pic that I put on facebook to help get my husband’s business some attention! It worked! We got a TON of shares!

Day 390: Might As Well

{Disclaimer: I wrote most of this on Sunday… but never got around to finishing it.}

Oh my… the words “might as well” are like the kiss of death for someone who struggles with gluttony.

Well, I already ate a few Oreos, so I might as well eat the whole bag.
I broke my diet this morning, so I might as well eat an entire bag of chips.
I ate the rest of my leftover hamburger from last night, so I might as well eat some pizza too.

Yeah… that last one… that was me… today.

You see, I had my first “birthday party” celebration night on Saturday night. My husband’s birthday is… oh, well, it’s tomorrow! {Happy Birthday my love!} And so we went out with some friends to BJ’s Brewhouse to celebrate (and then we were going to go to Top Golf to hang out and play there, but the wait was FOUR. HOURS. LONG.) and since it was a birthday PARTY, I was “allowed” to eat whatever. I thought I did pretty good… I ate some chips, had half of a hamburger (yummmmm) and half of my fries, and had a couple glasses of wine.

I felt GREAT! I mean… I had not busted out into gluttony. It was just as I hoped it would be.

And thennnnnnnnnn, came today.

You see, we got the boys and the babysitter cheese pizzas while we were gone, and gosh darnit, but those dadgum pizzas slices looked and smelled amazing. And I thought about them, and thought about them, and thought about them… this morning and then again when I got home from church.

So, instead of eating the pizzas, I ate the other half of the hamburger leftovers. Honestly, I think this was my downfall even more than the eventual pizza “incident” cause I ate what I WASN’T craving. I wanted that pizza. All I really wanted was that pizza, but instead I chose to eat the hamburger because it could kinda be justified in my mind as “okay” since I had gotten it at the birthday party the night before. But the pizza… well, it was just off limits all around, and I knew it.

So, I ate the other half of my hamburger.

And THEN I ate a piece of pizza.

Because,  you know, I might as well since I had already broken the covenant by having that hamburger.

Honestly, I only ate one piece of pizza because I felt I had to sneak eat it, and then I went to put my sons down for their naps and while I was doing that my husband ate all the rest of the pizza. My plan was foiled. But I was sorta glad because then it took the opportunity away from me.

But what I want to focus in on is the “might as well” syndrome. Cause I’m purty dern sure the that “might as well” syndrome is what takes someone from being just a food addict to being a glutton… that is probably really overweight like I was. Because this phrase is what gives us “permission” to break from our diet, or covenant, or healthy lifestyle.

But WHY?

I… don’t know why actually! Haha! But I know that it is… it is a get out of jail free card, only it is exactly what puts us IN JAIL. This phrase overrides our good decision making and puts us back under the control of our body’s desires to eat whatever we want, as much as we want, whenever we want.

And honestly, I have no new fancy scriptures on my heart that tie to this. I obviously didn’t have anything that dissuaded me from breaking my covenant. And I don’t mind admitting that I’m feeling a bit defeated. It’s like I have had God’s power in my hand for a year, and now it’s… just gone. It’s like I lost it in my miscellaneous junk drawer and can’t find it. And even worse, I don’t really feel like digging for it. I’d rather just… sin.

Just keeping it real. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but hopefully over the next few days and weeks I’ll work through this and then if you hit this spot too then it’ll help you work through it as well!

Cause one thing I know… there is HOPE. There is always HOPE.

Day 266: Blessed Birthday

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I guess I had hoped to have something really insightful for my birthday post (I’m 34 today), but it was just such an idyllic day that I’m not sure that there is anything really deep and spiritual to write about.

But maybe that in an of itself is a blessing.

I mean… it was a wonderful day… without birthday cake.

Yep. That’s right. No birthday cake. Oh, I mean, we had a little birthday cake for my sons (thanks to a friend-family who sent some mini bundt cakes for my fam and some sushi for me!) and so we got to celebrate by having them sing with me and blow out candles. My sweet hubby bought a bunch of fruit for my dessert, but we never made it to that point.

And it just… didn’t matter.

I had an awe.some. day.

A chai tea from Starbucks courtesy of my sweet hubby.

My hubs took our 5-year-old to preschool for me.

Lunch with a couple of my bestie friends.

Got to pick up my 5-year-old from preschool and come home to do some prep for my family birthday party.

My husband made grilled shrimp and grits and roasted veggies with a crab dip appetizer. (And he did all the work!)

And then I got some neat gifts and cards and birthday spending money (holla!).

A fun little candle blowing out with my precious sons.

And then to top it all off my husband did all. the. dishes.

I’m sorry… just allow me to repeat that.

My husband did all. the. dishes.

And, the perk of Facebook… I had something like 200+ “Happy Birthday” posts.

Seriously… who needs a birthday cake with all of that blessing?

Not this girl. Not this year.

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Day 132: A Celebration Of Life

So today is my youngest son’s two year old birthday! We had his party last night and listen to the menu I so brilliantly came up with and see what you think I could eat:

hot dogs, chips, cupcakes, ice cream

Yeah, none of it.

I almost feel like a hypocrite changing all my ways and then feeding everyone else the same blech stuff that I am avoiding! But all of that to say, I just didn’t eat any of it. I had grapes, peanuts, a banana, and a glass of tea. I was fine. Which is just so weird and yet cool at the same time to be able to say.

I mean, last year for his one-year birthday party we got the same cupcakes from Sam’s only they had Elmo “rings” on them as toppers instead of Cars 2 toppers like they had this year. And last year over a span of a few days, I ate… ohhhhh, I dunno… about a dozen of them that were left over.

A dozen cupcakes people.

About a month before had been my sister-in-law’s wedding shower and guess what we had there? Oh, yes… cupcakes. And I think that I had eaten about a dozen of them as well. And take a wild guess as to what we had at my older son’s birthday party just a few months later? Oh my gosh… you’re good.

Yep. Cupcakes.

And yep. There were leftovers. (Emphasis on the word: were since I ate all the leftover cupcakes.)

So that’s why I say it is weird to think that for this cupcake birthday, I ate… none… of the birthday food.

And what’s even weirder and even cooler is that it wasn’t difficult for me. There was no battle inside. There was not a sneaking into the bathroom to shove a cupcake down my throat. There was just… a birthday. A celebration of my son’s life.

And silently… all by myself… hidden away in a party room in my soul… I had another celebration. A celebration of my new life.

My new life of freedom.

So let us celebrate the festival, not with the old bread of wickedness and evil, but with the new bread of sincerity and truth. 1 Corinthians 5:8