Year of Grace

I read this verse this morning…

God sent me to announce the year of his grace— to comfort all who mourn, to give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by GOD to display his glory.
Isaiah‬ ‭61:3 The Message

And it just really grabbed me. “A praising heart instead of a languid spirit.” Why, YES, thank you! I mean, sure, I have a history of struggling with food, of using food for all the wrong reasons, of losing weight and then gaining it back, of not being able to lose weight for years… you know the list.

But despite all that I would love to have THIS YEAR be the year of his grace in my life. To be comforted, lavished, joyful, praising.

And why not? Why shouldn’t it be this year? We might as well ask!

God,
I come to you for everything in my life. Well, I want to come to you for everything. I surely know that all things come from you. And so I ask that this year be a year of favor on my life. And I’m not talking about losing weight (although I’ll take losing 30 pounds over a bouquet of roses any day!) but I am hoping for balance with food. A balance in my heart so that I don’t feel the scales tipping away from you and towards chocolate. Thank you for even hearing my prayer on something that must seem a little petty. Your love and understanding… wow… so awesome! I love you God!!!
Amen

Push Back

“Together we will push back the darkness, for I am the Light of the world.” Jesus Calling, September 4th

I read this quote this morning and it just really struck me. Cause this battle with food… sometimes I do feel like I’ve been trapped in darkness. In a dark room with no outlet, or at least, no outlet that I can see.

And so this little snippet reminded me that I don’t have to stumble around in the dark alone… God is pushing the darkness back using His Light. And right now, we can know that His Light is shining in our own lives and in our struggles with food. It may not seem very bright. It may actually seem terribly, terribly dim. But it is there.

Today, look for that Light. Look for Hope. Look for Him.

Deserving Desserts

I probably don’t need to get into too much depth about my… issues… with sugar. Over the past couple of years I’ve made it pretty clear that I find the stuff just straight up irresistible. And I’ve analyzed it six ways to Sunday… sugar is (literally) addicting, sugar is an emotional filler, sugar is a way to comfort, sugar is evil and should be entirely banished, sugar is… sugar is… sugar is.

And let me just take a pause to remind us of what God is…
loving
powerful
patient
joyful
good
perfect
kind
purposeful

And He is enough.

Buuuuuuuut more than likely you are here, like me, because you know God is all of those things. You know He is enough but still… the dadgum sugar.

So after the past several years of covenanting entirely OFF of sugar and then going back and forth WITH sugar to finally trying to find PEACE and BALANCE with sugar. And that’s what I’m trying now.

I’m allowing myself dessert. In fact, I’m mandating dessert.

Wait, what?!?!

Well, it comes from three sources.

1) My friend Laurie who is skinny and not a binge eater feeds her family dessert at night.
2) My friend Cassie who struggles the same as me said that the hardest part of the day was at night when the kids are in bed she just wants a sugar-somethin.
3) My friend Addy who I work with now (oh yeah, by the way, I went back to teaching three weeks ago) and I decided we needed some kind of fast and are doing a Daniel Plan type thing together.

So here was my thinking. I want to eat healthy and I like eating Daniel Plan style, but I’m like Cassie and I was a sugar-somethin every day, and well, if it works for Laurie’s family then surely it’s a good idea cause she’s totally balanced.

So, I figured the best way to do this is to have a nice, average sized portion of dessert right after dinner and then that way the rest of the night when I “want” some sugar I can say “You had some. You have not been denied. You already had a yummy dessert and you’ll get some more tomorrow.”

I dunno. It might just worked. It worked last night.

And so I hope that by finding balance with desserts, my gaze can more easily stay focused on Him who is enough, who is truly sweet, who is my love.

The Joyful Side

Some days, I start out the day happy, excited, ready.

Annnnnnnnd then there are some days when I start out the day cranky, fearful, negative.

This morning… I was sorta in between. I could feel my soul trying to decide which “side of the bed” to get up on.

Happy- I’m gonna get to see some of my favorite people today as I go to my first meeting for my new teaching job.

Sad- Oh.my.Lordy. Look at how huge my guy has gotten. They won’t even want me on their team!!!

Then I dutifully read my Jesus Calling (because I’ve trained myself well enough at this point to fight negativity with Jesus):

Hold My hand, and walk joyously with Me through this day.

Negative Nancy Me: Why? What is there to be joyful about? What about my life should I be joyful about?

Happy Hannah Me: Well, you can walk with joy because… hope. God has a hope for you and a future.

And then I pictured myself walking, hand in hand with God (who, yes, looks like Abraham Lincoln to me) down a beach (because… helllllllo, the beach is the best place on earth to walk hand in hand with anyone, especially GOD! Ha!) and we were walking toward my hope. my future.

You know, the hope he has for ME.

The future he has for ME.

I dunno, at that point… visualizing that, and remembering that He DOES have a plan… a plan that often I don’t understand until wayyyyyyy later… well, my soul decided to go ahead and get up on the right side of the bed.

The joyful side.

God, may we all look to you today. Hold your hand today. Walk with you today as you guide us toward a hope for us and a future. Amen.

Recipe: QUICK & EASY Cauliflower Pizza Crust {Vegetarian & Low Carb}

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Okay, so let’s just be real.

Y’all know… I’m a sugar-lover. It is my weakness. Ice cream. Chocolate candy bars. Donuts. And the like.

Salty stuff doesn’t really “tempt” me. Cheese isn’t really a big issue. And bread is a little bit of an issue but more so because it’s just the most convenient way to eat. And it seems like most people have issues with one or the other of these if not issues with all of them.

But if there is anything other than sugar that pops up on my I-just-can’t-resist-it food radar pretty frequently, it is pizza.

I could literally live on pizza, hamburgers, donuts, and chocolate ice cream.

Ya know, if it weren’t for that whole… nutrition thing.

So when I came across these in my low-carb-vegetarian searches on Pinterest, I was intrigued but, naturally, pretty dern skeptical.

I mean, pizza crust… made out of one of the worst tasting vegetables ever to hit the planet?!?!

Yeah, no thanks.

But we are reallllllllly trying to stay away from processed carbs like, ya know… pizza crust, and so I thought I’d give it a go. I was expecting (and secretly hoping for) a failure.

BUT THEY WERE FLIPPING UH. MAZ.ING.

So, without further ado…

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

  • 2 cups of “riced” cauliflower (see my how-to below)
  • 2 cups shredded cheese (mozzarella or Colby Jack)
  • 2 eggs
  • 16-20 basil leaves, cut in strips (about 1/4 cup) *optional, or you can use another herb*

Preheat: Oven to 450
Makes: Four 4″x4″ crusts (My fam plowed through these… even my two picky, picky sons so next time I’m gonna double this!)

{All my “instructional” pics are below the recipe.}

To rice cauliflower:

  1. For this recipe, cut off the cauliflower so that you have mainly the florets (the bushy part on top). Cut off about half of a head of cauliflower.
  2. Put it in a Ninja blender or food processor. (I used my Ninja in the big pitcher… worked like a boss!)
  3. I only had to run it on speed 2 in my Ninja for, like, thirty seconds! I was so pumped that it was such a quick process! It will look like… well, sorta like rice!
  4. Measure out two cups. (And I really would measure it out because I think this recipe needs to be pretty “precise”)

To make the crust:

  1. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper (and I also sprayed it with a bit of non-stick).
  2. Mix the riced cauliflower, shredded cheese, eggs, and basil (omit this or pick another herb of your choice) together.
  3. Plop a big hunk (yeah, that’s an official term) on the paper and start to spread it out. I used a fork here to sorta “pat” it down and also to help square off the edges a bit.
  4. Bake for 15 minutes. I found that a bit of the cheese sorta “snuck” out, but I just used a spatula and shoved it back into the edge of the crust.

To make a pizza:

  1. It’s the same gig as a usual homemade pizza… slop some sauce on there (I always use just plain ol pasta sauce). Always try to leave a little edge so that the sauce doesn’t drip over and below your crust cause it can burn and that’s just plain ol gross.
  2. Sprinkle on some cheese.
  3. Then add toppings if you want. On ours tonight, I chopped up a large portabella mushroom that my man Mr. Chord Dice had grilled earlier for lunch… it was PERFECT on top!
  4. Bake for another ten minutes.
  5. I put mine on a cooling rack for a minute or so cause I can.not.stand. soggy stuff that sits on a plate.

Here are some pretty pics of the process! I really hope you try these and enjoy them because they were totally legit AND they looked good and fancy too!

The ingredients… they look kinda pretty!

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I just had to take a pic of my old school oven dial…

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Before going in the oven

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After the first bake!

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With the toppings! I was admittedly starting to get excited!

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The final product! Ohmygeeeeee… so good!

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Day 891: Still One Of My Favs

I couldn’t help but “re-share” this post. It was from two years ago on my anniversary. {Today is our 10th Wedding Anniversary! We are on the road back from a few days at the lake- it was wonderful, and reuniting, and restful, and blissful! Annnnnnnd well, it was also a neat epiphany moment for me… I’ll post on that in the next few days!}

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So, here’s a shout out to my love, Mr. Chord Dice and a little bit of a #tbt!

Day 161: Best. Anniversary. Everrrrrrrr.

Day 887: God, Help Me

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The past week or so I’ve been on one of those runaway mine cars… careening through food. Searching for that one bite of chocolate that would be truly worth it. {Spoiler alert: I never found anything that tasted as good as I wanted it to.}

And I finally had that moment last night as I downed my second double scooped bowl of ice cream…

This is just not working.

So, as usual, I went to bed thinking “But tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I’ll make good choices.”

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Tomorrow. That elusive idea of perfection. “Tomorrow” is so perfect. so untainted. so full of possibility.

And so this morning when I woke up, my mind was already trying to convince me: have some coffee ice cream in your coffee.

Oooooo, yum, right?!?!

And so I told myself “Now January. You know that’s not gonna taste as good as you imagine. You know that’s just gonna be disappointing.”

Yes. Yes, I KNOW.

Just like I knew last night that the second bowl of ice cream wasn’t gonna do it for me. And like the two Sonic shakes from this week weren’t gonna do it for me. And like the chocolate-covered caramel popcorn from Target wasn’t gonna do it.

I KNOW.

But I just… can’t. I can’t seem to resist. I can’t even make myself want to resist sometimes.

So this morning, as I waited for the hot water to get to my shower, I prayed a very deep, spiritual, theologically sound prayer…

God, help me.

And nothing happened.

Well, DUH, nothing happened. God has a tendency to work on a long term time frame. Occasionally, He slams down a healing or a revelation… but those very rarely perpetuate change. So, He often works slowly… reminding our hearts as we go.

But as the morning went on and I prayed it over and over…

God, help me. God, give me wisdom. God, help me. Give me Your hope. God, help me. Give me peace. determination. joy. perspective. love. patience. guidance. God, help me.

And I sat outside before everyone else woke up and listened to Philippians on my phone. And, well, guess what?

He. helped. me.

The Word soothed my soul. Gave me wisdom. hope. peace. determination. joy. perspective. love. patience. guidance.

Yep. He helped me alright.

And for the record… I had almond milk in my coffee.

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:4,5

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13

Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord. Philippians 3:1

I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 3:13,14

And I realllllllllly enjoyed this section this morning:

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:6-9

 

Jesus, You’re Too Late | The Story of Lazarus

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I got to master teach again in our youth group’s middle school class… and I struggled so much coming up with a lesson on Lazarus. I wrote one a week before I taught and then just tossed it (aka: deleted it) on Saturday night. Then, I wrote an entirely different lesson on just verses that meant something to me… but then I woke up in a sweat (ya know like they do in the movies!) at 4am and realized… nope. Not supposed to teach that one either. SO, I wrote ANOTHER lesson on Lazarus at 4am the morning I was to teach.

And it was allllllllll Jesus talking.

And it made me cryyyyyyyy.

And it grabbed my own heart in a thousand little ways, so I had to share!

{Disclaimer: I always start my lessons with a funny story to sorta bring down the guard of the kids, so you’ll have to endure my funny story at the beginning but if you really don’t have time for a story about the fish I had in college, then skip down to the paragraph that starts “Wait… you know, Lazarus, right?”} 

Lazarus – Jesus, You’re Too Late

Ya know, when I was in college, I had a fish.

A betta fish.

His name… was Hector.

Not Hec-ter, but Hec-torrrrrrrrrr. (Roll the r in your mind please)

And let’s just be honest, fish are not usually awesome, but those betta fish… you put a mirror in front of them and they like all puff out and get all crazy trying to like make themselves look bigger.

Life To The Lifeless - Betta Fish 05.25.2014So, anyway, there was this fad when I was in college that you got a big ol vase and put a betta fish down in it and then put this big ol lily plant in the top and then your betta never had to be fed.

Which was, like, totalllly perfect for me because… well, I’ve been known to, uhhhhh, sorta like… ya know… kill lots and lots of fish cause I sorta just, ya know… forget they exist and need, ya know, like… food. So my mom and my brother came to Abilene where I was in school for my birthday and brought me this betta fish plant thingy. And, of course, I named the fish Hector because that’s the first name ANYONE should think of when naming a fish.

So, months go by and he’s doing great just nibbling on the little plant and I even changed out his water a few times! Well, then Christmas break comes around. And here’s one of the best parts about Christmas break in college… it lasts, like, A MONTH! You go home, eat your mom’s food, have her do your 8,000 piles of laundry… it’s great.

Only, yeah… guess what. When you go home for Christmas, apparently it’s NOT so good to forget your betta fish. Now, once I realized I’d left him, I didn’t really worry about it cause, ya know… no biggie, right??? Well, there’s this thing called… evaporation, and water ya know, like, disappears. So, while I was at home for a month, half of the water in his little vase-thingy… disappeared. Evaporated. So, even though that little plant was on the top, now his water was down so low that the plant root dealies weren’t hanging in the water and he couldn’t eat.

So, I get back to college and I’m all refreshed and I walk in my room and my little plant was pretty much dead and Hectorrrrrrrrr was like… tiny and like white and just like floating totally still. I was all like, yep. I killed him. I killed Hectorrrrrrr. And so I was about to flush him and all of a sudden he started like swimming all around right before I was gonna dump him out, so I put new water in, and I actually cheated and went and got him some food and in a week he was legit again.

Well, then LATER, I was running realllllllllllly late to class and I was like running into my room which had that kind of carpet that wasn’t really carpet. You know, like the kind that they have at school where it’s like flat and itchy and they, like, wax the carpet with those big circly vacuum looking things, and I came running into my room at like Mach 12 speed and slipped and fell riiiiiiight into my bookshelf where Hectorrrrrrrr’s vase thingy was and he cuhrashed to the floor and it shattered everywhere and then I couldn’t find him and then I did and he was all flopping around {squirm}  in my comforter and I {squirm} picked him up and put him in a tiny bit of the vase that wasn’t broken and still had water and then I ran off to class.

So, my suitemates and I renamed him… Lazarus. Hectorrrrrr Lazaraus, the third.

(Even though he wasn’t really the third, it just sounds cooler)

Wait… you know, Lazarus, right? From the bible? (Here is my version of the story of Lazarus which is found in John 11. Now, this is from the JRV… the January Rowe Version which means that it is NOT the real deal, but just in my words. You should also read it from a REAL version of the bible… for this particular chapter, I’d recommend either New Century Version or The Message.)

Lazarus was pretty much besties with Jesus, and then he gets realllllllllly sick, and so Lazarus’s sisters send Jesus a note like “Uhhhhhh, Jesus… Laz, you know… your reallllllly good friend, is sick.” And Jesus is all like, “Ehhhh. Let’s not go right now. This is for the glory of God. It won’t end in death.”

A couple days later Jesus is chillin with his disciples and then all of a sudden he says “Okay, let’s go back to Lazarus’s house.” Well, apparently, there were some guys in the town where Lazarus lived that tried to kill him already so the disciples are like “Yeah, that’s not a good idea” but Jesus is all like, “Hey. Lazarus is sleeping so I’m going to go wake him up.” The disciples are thinking Jesus is wack so they are like “Uhhhh, if he’s just sleeping then he’ll wake up and be fine.” But then JC’s gotta break it down for them and he says “No guys. Laz. is. dead. And I’m glad we weren’t there this whole time cause now… ohhhhhh, now you’re REALLY going to believe.”

So, they head to Lazarus’s house… well, yeah, they find out Lazarus has been dead for four days. His sisters Mary and Martha are trippin cause they know that Jesus could have kept it from happening. He talks to Martha, who is bawling and she says “If you had been here you could have saved him! But I still know you can get whatever you want from God if you just ask.” And Jesus replies, “Your brother is going to come back to life.” And she’s all, “Yeah, I know… in the end, when everyone’s spirit comes alive again.” And Jesus is all like “No… Martha. I am the one, right now, that brings life again. If someone believes in me, even if they die… they will still live! Do you believe????” and she is all “Heck yeah. I believe you are God’s Son.” And then to Martha goes home to get Mary and so she comes and talks to Jesus and she is like, bawling and saying “Jesus, if you’d been here… you could have saved him.”

And then Jesus like cries… well, actually it says that he WEEPS. And then He tells them to roll away the stone covering up the tomb. Now Martha gets a little grossed out and is all like “Uhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah, so Jesus… he has been dead in there for four days so it’s realllllly going to stink.” Jesus replies, “Hey, remember… if you believe, you will see the glory of God.” Well, that shuts her up.

So, then he shouts “Lazarus, come out!” And then Lazarus, in his mummy outfit all wrapped up in cloth, comes out and the people are like fuhreaking out.

Annnnnnd, here’s the part of the story that kind of sucks… so the people are so like “Whoa! This Jesus is legit!” and the Jewish leader guys are all like “Ohhhhh crud. Now EVERYONE is gonna believe in Jesus! This guy is gonna try to take over and then Rome is gonna come up in here and tear down our church and mess up our lives.” And so the Jewish leader guys decide they are gonna have to kill him. And they don’t waste any time… Jesus is on the cross four days later.

Ya know… all the times that I’ve read this story, I’ve just been like “Cool. Jesus raised someone from the dead. Like… duh. We knew he could do that. Why is that a big deal?”

But I think that there is more going on here.

Take that story and look everywhere that Jesus talks and look for anything he says that you think has some kind of spiritual meaning. Like, here’s an example:

And Jesus is all like, “Ehhhh. Let’s not go right now. This is for the glory of God. It won’t end in death.”

There are three more places like that which grabbed me…

“No guys. Laz. is. dead. And I’m glad we weren’t there this whole time cause now… ohhhhhh, now you’re REALLY going to believe.”

Jesus is all like “No… Martha. I am the one, right now, that brings life again. If someone believes in me, even if they die… they will still live! Do you believe????”

“Hey, remember… if you believe, you will see the glory of God.”

Now, look out of those last three verses… are there any words that you see popping out again and again? Yep… you found it…

Believe.

You see, all along I thought that this story was all about Lazarus. Wow… he must have been really special for Jesus to bring him back to life. But now that I really look at what Jesus says… I’m all like… no… this isn’t about Lazarus.

Who was Jesus there to give life to???? Look back at those examples… look at the second verse I showed you. Who was he talking to there?

The disciples.

Now, look at the third and fourth verses… who is he talking to there?

Martha.

It’s like he’s saying to all of them…

LOOK! LOOK at this POWER that I have over life! Look at this hope and life that I can give you today so that even if you die you will still live!
BELIEVE. REALLLLLLY BELIEVE.

So, who was this whole fiasco for?

Lazarus? Just so that he could live some more on earth?

No. It was for them all. So they could believe.

But I do want to back up a bit. Let’s think about Lazarus. How do you think he felt when he was sick in bed, dying? His sisters had sent a note to Jesus… to his best friend… to the guy that they all knew could heal him.

And he didn’t come.

And Lazarus was dying.

And Jesus. didn’t. come.

How do you think he felt? How do you think he felt about Jesus???

I think of him lying there… feeling hurt. betrayed. disappointed. crushed. unimportant. I wonder as Lazarus let out his last breath that he thought “Jesus… this is it! You’re too late! Too late. Too late to save me. Too late for a miracle. Too late for a miracle in my life. You didn’t show up. I’m done. Jesus, you’re too late.”

But was he? Was Jesus too late!?!?!

No.

And that’s what’s hard to remember sometimes when we are Lazarus and we are “dying”. It’s hard to remember that what I think is “too late” is not necessarily the same timing as Jesus’s “too late”.

Our parents are about to get a divorce and we are calling to God, “Come on! Now! It has to be now… you’re going to miss it, Jesus! You’re going to miss the chance to do a miracle!” And then when the divorce ends up happening and we just scream at Him, “YOU ARE TOO LATE! YOU MISSED IT! YOU DIDN’T CARE ENOUGH TO SHOW UP! YOU MISSED IT… YOU ARE TOO LATE.”

Or our mom is pregnant and she loses the baby… “YOU’RE TOO LATE JESUS! WHY DIDN’T YOU SHOW UP IN TIME? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD SHOW UP! BUT YOU ARE TOO LATE!”

Here’s my thing… maybe… maybe sometimes… we are a Lazarus. And Jesus is just waiting until juuuuuuuust the right moment to bust out a miracle. Cause ya know… to us and our unbelieving hearts, it only appears to be a miracle when it is “too late” for us to do anything. THEN that is when it becomes a miracle.

So, today… ask yourself… do you feel like the disciples and Martha? Do you need to look around you and see the hundreds of little miracles that Jesus is doing in OTHER people’s lives so that you can believe. Cause those stories are out there.

Or are you Lazarus? Are you dying on the inside? Is your soul being just ripped apart from something happening to you? Does it feel like Jesus isn’t going to show up in time?

Cause either way… no matter what is happening… Jesus has one… one message for you:

BELIEVE.

 

Day 868: The REAL Problem With Being Fat

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My son just turned four. Which means… birthday cake.

Twice.

Cause we had to have cake for his birthDAY and then we had to have it again for this birthday PARTY a few days later. And, well, needless to say… I consumed wayyyyyy more than I needed to. Shocker, right?

So, on the way home from the party with my two sons in the back of the car, I found myself pleading with God…

God, I’m desperate.

And then, I started to think through that…

When was the last time I really said that to Him? When was the last time I said, “Oh God, I’m just so desperate for _____ to change. Show me what I can do to make it change!”

Well, I can tell you this: I wasn’t desperate for the widows and orphans that he so explicitly instructed us to take care of. I wasn’t desperate for those in my neighborhood and in my life that are struggling through the grips of poverty and the cycle that surrounds it. I wasn’t desperate for the souls that live a few miles down the road who live in opulence, but find themselves hunched over at night drenched in their own tears because they bear so much pressure to perform. I wasn’t desperate for the missionaries all over the world sacrificing their entire lives so that a few souls might be saved.

I wasn’t desperate for the things that break His Heart…
I was desperate for a smaller dress size.

And THAT broke my heart.

I realized that with this weight and food issue of mine, there were two sides:

First of all, God has pulled me toward Him over and over again throughout the process. He has shown me, first hand, so much of His truth and His ways and I have learned, most importantly, that He has this plan running through my life that is so much bigger than just me. I have learned that every. single. moment. of. my. life. BELONGS. Triumph and failure. They belong. Healing and pain. They both belong. Skinny and fat. They are both part of my story… my life.

On the flip side, is the devil. And he has tried to take so, so much from me. He has twisted and flipped and pinched and prodded to make sure that this extra fat that hangs off my gut doesn’t just squeeze my jeans but it also squeezes my heart. He has made sure that my focus was on stuff so temporary, so trivial, so pointless… that I was becoming ineffectual.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” The lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the lord. . . For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. . . Does not the Most High send both calamity and good? Then why should we, mere humans, complain when we are punished for our sins? Instead, let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the lord. Let us lift our hearts and hands to God in heaven. Lamentations 3:21-26, 31-32, 38-41

So, with that, I change up my original prayer a bit…

God, I’m desperate…
desperate for you to distract my mind
so much towards the eternal
that I don’t even see myself in the mirror.

 

Day 849: Let’s Make A Deal

Last night I got really… sad. Like, “I’m fat” sad. And then I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking “I’m fat. and undesirable. and ugly. and worthless. and lazy. and undisciplined. and… and… and…”

So, what did I do?

I looked up pics of skinny-me on my facebook page.

Yeahhhhhhhhhh, that was NOT the best idea I’ve ever had. And I can guarantee you that it didn’t make me feel any better. Cause all I did was start to say the same things to myself over and over again… and there was the proof!

See, January!?!?! See??? You used to be so skinny! Even when you thought you still had weight to lose you were perfect! You looked great! But you blew it all, didn’t you? You just ruined it. And now you are fat again and stuck in the same boat you were when you started this whole thing. Way to go.

Admittedly there was a little part of me that retorted, “But you did it once, you could do it again. Go to God. See what He has to say.”

Yeah, I didn’t listen to that part of me. Ya know… the part of me that knows what she’s talking about? I should have gone to God. I should have spent that time searching His Words for the things that are true of me. The things that speak to His Power in my life. The words that address His unfailing and constant Love for me.

But I didn’t.

So.

Let’s make a deal. Next time. Next time that secret sad part of us starts to spout off this DARKNESS into our hearts…

Let’s fight back with LIGHT!

Come back to this post if you need to… cause here are a few things he says about you:

  • I am completeIn Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body.  So, I am also complete through my union with Christ who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2:9-10
  • I am lovedCan anything ever separate me from Christ’s love?  Does it mean he no longer loves me if I have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, ‘For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep’) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is mine through Christ, who loved me.  And I am convincned that nothing can ever separate me from God’s love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither my fears for today nor my worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate me from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate me from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39
  • I am a work in progressI am certain that God, who began the good work within me, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6
  • I am strongI can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
  • I am a masterpiece. I am God’s masterpiece.  He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so I can do the good things he planned for me long ago. Ephesians 2:10
  • I am worth a lotGod bought me with a high price.  I must honor God with my body. 1 Corinthians 6:20
  • I am chosen by Him. Since God chose me to be a holy person he loves, I must clothe myself with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
  • I am guarded and celebratedFor the Lord my God is living among me.  He is a mighty savior.  He will take delight in me with gladness.  With his love, he will calm all my fears.  He will rejoice over me with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17