For years… for as long as I can remember… I’ve struggled with being fat.
I’m not going to say “overweight” or “chubby” or “obese” or “fluffy” because no matter the name you put on it, I felt I was fat. I believed I was fat. I knew I was fat. I was defined by fat.
After my second baby I got to be a stay-at-home mom and my last excuse for being fat was gone: I’d always said that if I wasn’t working that I’d be able to lose weight. Well, it wasn’t working out like that. I was struggling even more.
Dieting for three or four days. Cratering on day five. Gorging myself for three days and therefore counteracting the four days of dieting and gaining an extra pound or two (or more).
Every. single. week.
The year before, I read this book called The Weigh Down Diet and although it didn’t work for me, the book did show me that the only way to fix myself was through the power of God. And yeah, as non-PC as that might sound, I had reached a point where I knew that I needed some fixing.
It wasn’t so much that I was eating the wrong things. It wasn’t because I was eating at the wrong times. It wasn’t about combinations of foods. It wasn’t that I needed more fiber, less fat, more nutrients, less carbs, more grains, less sugar, etc, etc, etc.
I was a glutton.
I was eating too much. I was eating all the time. I was sneaking eating a candy bar, or a second helping, or even a flippin salad. I felt completely unable to stop myself. I wanted so badly to not eat that peanut butter cup, but it was literally as if I could not resist. I would avoid it for a few minutes, maybe even hours, but I almost always gave in and ate it. And then I would figure “Well, heck, I just broke my diet, I might as well just dive in and start again tomorrow. or Monday. or maybe Wednesday.” And I would proceed to eat all of the peanut butter cups.
Another time a former student made me a cake. A big cake.
Yeah, I ate the whole thing.
I mean, it was a problem. And nothing, even prayer, was fixing it. I was seriously considering asking my husband if I could go to counseling for it. I went to the Overeaters Anonymous website and was going to look for a meeting near me. I was like an addict that needed help… wanted help… but just wasn’t sure how to get it.
Then my husband’s aunt came in to town for Spring Break and was on some kind of fast where she wasn’t eating meat. She called it a Daniel Fast. I thought that it was cool and holy and all that but didn’t think about it again, and then about a month and a half later, it popped back in my mind. And so I pulled it up on the internet.
There were several websites about it: in essence, it was a fast where only fruit, vegetables, and water were to be consumed. There were hard core versions that stuck to that and only ate organic and there were more lenient versions that included pastas and breads and things of the earth.
And I guess all that praying I’d been doing worked itself out in this way: I decided to do a Daniel Fast. I wanted to pray for wisdom and guidance for my husband’s new business, but I’d also been praying for yearrrrrrrrs for God to show me what to do with my eating issues… I just knew that I needed to do one and I needed to do it about my addiction to eating (it took me about a week to come face to face with that word: glutton).
And that’s where my journey of The Covenant Diet began. Here is the blog post where it really hit me and where I realized that this wasnt just a three week thing for me.
21 Day Daniel Fast – Day 10
So today my thoughts have been on why? If I have been so successful during this process of resisting foods like chocolate, and chocolate, and ummmmmm… yeah, chocolate… then why haven’t I been able to do it before?
Of course, the answer, on the surface, is easy. Because I am doing it for God, with God, because of God. Because I have a covenant with God.
Okay. So thats true and right and all- but my next question was: well, why haven’t I had this covenant with Him before? Why haven’t I always had this covenant with him? Doesn’t His Word say that my body is not my own? Why would I even imagine going back to gluttonizing (yeah, that is so not a real word) my body… His body… after this covenant of fasting is over?
Its like this: I’ll fast and relatively easily not consume foods that are off limits during the fast. Again, because its for Jesus. (And here’s the kicker) But I can’t and just won’t do the same thing for myself.
Because it shouldn’t be about me in the first place. It should be about me honoring God with my body. About me attempting to present my body as a living sacrifice- and not the fat, stuffed, nasty lamb kind of sacrifice but a lamb that has been fed just right. And I’m not talking about healthy eating here. I’m not talking about staying on the Daniel fast forever either. I’m just talking about making a covenant with God to not be a glutton. At this point even just that would be a huge honor to God from me.
So, here’s to attempting to live a covenant life… for the rest of my life.
Please join me on my journey! Subscribe or contact me here!