Yesterday, I put brown sugar in my oatmeal out of habit.
Yesterday, I popped the left over crumb of my son’s donut in my mouth when he walked away from the table.
Now. Do not despair… this is not going to be a confessional post where I delineate every little temptation and submission. But I mention both of those because each of them represent a moment of realization for me.
Brown Sugar In My Oatmeal:
I am not attempting to be all crazy strict about this fast. The point of this entire experience is to renew my heart – my soul – my mind. When I sprinkled that brown sugar in my oatmeal… I did not throw out the oatmeal. I did not make myself another oatmeal. I did think… “Oh… I need to remember not to put sugar in here next time.”
Realization: So much of my gluttony is merely habit. Already, the sugar in my oatmeal is a perfect example of that. This fast is to help me renew my mind. To give it new habits. To break old habits. To become a new creation. I didn’t need to make new oatmeal because a teeny-tiny renewal of my mind had occured.
Crumb Of A Donut:
Now the donut was……. a different story. But, I did have the same thought process…
- See donut crumb
- Pop donut crumb in my mouth
- Realize that I am not to eat a donut crumb on this fast
- Make a choice: eat the itty-bitty inconsequential donut crumb or… spit it out
So, I spit it out. Even though my mind was desperately trying to convince me: “It’s no biggie. It’s not even really breaking the fast… it is just a crumb, afterall.” It was almost like symbolic: I wanted to spit that thought out of my body. The donut was way more than inconsequential! Even though at face value it was just something I popped in my mouth… out. of. habit. There it is again…
Realization: So much of my gluttony is merely habit.
Okay, so the question arises… how can I make sure that these gluttonous habits are broken instead of just “ignored”? I have realized this habitual gluttony before and yet it hasn’t changed by realizing it and just trying not to do it. How will this time be any different?
Well… this time, I am not doing it for me. I know that is exactly what so many people say “Don’t lose weight for someone else… lose it for you.” But when you associate your body with all sorts of negative thoughts (fat, ugly, etc) then by no means are you going to want to do something for that fat, ugly body.
I have tried to get healthy and stop being a glutton for myself: fail.
I have tried it for my husband: fail.
I have tried it for my children: fail.
The only thing that I care about more than food… is God. I will make a covenant with Him and stick with it… because he’s God. And because God is not a fan of people breaking their covenants… check out Leviticus 26:14-39. Even if you only read the first paragraph (I put it below)… you get the point. He is NOT into people breaking their covenant with Him. And well… I believe that God will do what He says. So sure, there’s a bit of fear built into it. Some days I will probably stick to this fast out of fear. Some days I will stick to it out of respect, honor, loyalty, and in an effort to please. I hope that it is more often for those other reasons, but hey… if a little fear will get me out of this addiction, then bring on the scaries God.
Bring. them. on.
Punishment for Disobedience
14 “‘But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands,15 and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant,16 then I will do this to you: I will bring on you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and sap your strength. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it.17 I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
Leviticus 26:14-17 NIV
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