So I was pretty pumped yesterday about my weight loss (yet another perk about not weighing… putting on smaller clothes was like more surprising than it would have been had I been weighing and seeing the weight loss).
And I think being excited about the evidence of God’s work in my life was totally cool. I mean, He is working a miracle in me. I should be pumped.
And yet… what keeps happening is that I feel the success and then immediately something else that I need to work through rears its head.
And I can already see a new focus on clothes becoming an issue. I tried on like 30 different variations of outfits on Friday night when we were going to have dinner with my husband’s parents and extended family. Yesterday when I was getting ready for a dinner party with friends, it was like another 30 outfits strewn all over the bed.
And I can try to write that off as being because I have this new body, and I’m able to wear “new” things (as in outfits that I have saved for like seven years).
But, really… I was just looking for an outfit that showed off the fact that I had lost weight. I wanted people to make comments to me about it. I wanted people to notice. I hadn’t seen Pasco’s aunt since I have lost what I’m guesstimating is about 20 pounds. I hadn’t seen all of my friends since I have lost the weight. I was so longing for a big response. (Just keeping it real… that was what I wanted.)
I hope that I was able to give God to glory for any weight loss (cause it really is all Him), but this morning as I was picking out my outfit and going through the same “what makes me look the thinnest” outfit search… I had a bit of a “I’m on the wrong track” moment.
I had the same moment last night. After I tried on all those outfits then I realized that looking super skinny didn’t matter. I had lost weight. That was it. Just pick a nice outfit and go hang out with friends. They loved me before I lost weight, they’ll love me now the same. That’s why they are my friends.
So I picked out a regular ol not super-tight shirt with a pair of jeans and a cardi. Annnnnnd, they still loved me (and they did notice still).
So this morning after I went through the same process, I looked in the mirror super dressed up… I was just like, this is……… off. My outfit didn’t match my mood. I ended up changing into jeans and a t-shirt top. Ahhhhhhh, way better.
And just sitting here I was thinking of what that process was in my life… what word would it be?
And I don’t want to struggle with that. Yet another addiction trade? Food for vanity? Pfffffffff, no thanks.
So I’m gonna need some renewal in this area. Time for some Bible then!
First of all, a reminder of God’s view. When God was telling Samuel which of Jesse’s sons to pick to be the next king of Israel, Samuel assumed it was to be the awesome looking Eliab, but then God said to Samuel:
“Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.“ 1 Samuel 16:7
And to follow that, the ultimate reminder of what type of woman I hope to become…
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Proverbs 31:30
And finally… a scripture prayer. Hopefully this one will work on me like the “make me willing to obey” verse…
Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word. Psalm 119:37
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