Day Forty-Three: Obedience Is Bliss

(FYI: I am writing this on the evening of February 21st around 9:10pm. It was a post that I needed to write immediately before the awesomeness of it wore off, but since I already posted for day forty-two then I’m scheduling it to post on day forty-three.)

I had a blunder tonight.

Hmmmmmm, perhaps that is putting it lightly. Perhaps that is me not choosing the right word. Perhaps that is me trying to go easy on myself. I’m going to try again.

I broke the covenant tonight.

Yep. Broke it. Shattered it. Demolished it.

Cause that’s what happens to an agreement when one side “breaks” their oath… their bond. The “agreement” is null. void. pointless. non-existent.

Okay, okay, I’ll stop being over dramatic (not that me being over dramatic is a shocker to anyone who knows me). Here’s what happened: I planned a nice meal for us and I even reveled in it during day forty-two’s post: potato and carrots in an onion sauce, baked apples, and a salad. Only, let me just tell you that the baked apples weren’t so much just “baked apples”. It was a Baked Apple Crisp. And I think that any foodie out there is well aware that a Baked Apple Crisp has quite a lot of brown sugar in it.

At dinner, I did a great job of not eating everything on my plate (cause I had gotten an old-me-sized portion… as in, a big ol’ honkin serving). So I stopped when I felt a little bit of pressure. I only ate a few bites of the apple crisp. And that was that. It would have been a perfect evening… except I left out the remains of my meal while I bathed the boys. And then afterwards I came in and ate a few more bites even though I was not hungry. And then after I got both boys down, I snuck (and yes, I say snuck because I walked down the hallway extra quietly so that my husband wouldn’t know that I was finished putting down my oldest) into the kitchen and started chowing down on the leftovers in the baking dish. Oh my gosh. Sooooooo good.

And then… the war began.

Stop!!! January, stop! This is not right. This is breaking the covenant. This is gluttony. This is not what God wants. It’s not what you want. Yes it is… are you kidding me, this is flour and sugar and butter and more sugar. Why would I not want this? Why would God not want this? It’s not gluttony… it’s just enjoying good food. It’s not really breaking the covenant, I mean, it’s got apples in it for crying out loud! This is fine. I don’t need to stop. January. Stop. Think about tonight. Think about five minutes from now. Think about tomorrow. Stop. I. can’t. stop. It’s too good. I. can’t. stop.

And then the moment that I have been hoping for these past forty-two days… here was my next thought…

God, make me willing to obey.

And it worked!

It’s was almost as if my fork was stuck in the next apple. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to disobey. I wanted to obey. I wanted to be willing to obey. I was going to obey.

And I will admit that I broke into tears at that moment. Because God is so great. Forty-two days in and He is greater than I imagined He could be. His Word… that one verse from just one day… written on my heart… swooped in and connected me to God in a way that saved me. And I stood in that kitchen by myself and raised my hands in thanks to the Almighty Of The Universe for His mercy. His compassion. His adoration. His Love. His help. His salvation.

And I knew that immediately I had to come sit down at this computer and write this post.

THIS post is totally going to be one of my memorial stones. I have been wondering what I could do… well, here was a moment where I needed to cross a river and God dried up the water so that I could pass… and here is a stone that I am picking up to remember that He is faithful and He is just to forgive me of my sins and to cleanse me from all of my wrongdoing and wickedness.

Today has been the best day of my covenant experience… which is SO JESUS… because today is the day that I broke the covenant and therefore should have been my worst day. Today though… today was mercy at its best. And hope at its best. And forgiveness. And all things new. Because today He lifted me from the pit and He “turned my wailing into dancing; He removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing His praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise Him forever.” Psalm 30:11-12

Read your bible peeps. Read it. And you will. be. changed.

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Comments

  1. says

    I am in tears. I came across your blog via a pin on pinterest (which literally had nothing to do with health eating) and pretty much have not been able to stop reading. I am struggling so badly with being a food addict. I am relating so much to what you have posted… I feel like God is totally speaking to me through you. I am praying and thanking God for you. I just love how He works. I wanted to just tell you that I am inspired by you and even the if you have completed your covenant and are back to your old habits God is still using what you went through to help others. I have known for a little while now that food has been an idol and I have even began reading and doing the Made to Crave study a few weeks ago, but it was certainly in Gods will for me to come across your blog. I am hesitant to make that covenant with God for fear of breaking it.. I have once before done the Daniel fast for 21 days and I admit it was great, but right smack in the middle I had a BREAKDOWN. And when I said BREAKDOWN I mean lying on a floor, crying and begging my husband to get a pizza. But I survived and I was in the end closer to God which was my ultimate goal. I am at that point now. Ready to give it to God and let Him pull me in tight. So Thank You for putting your struggle out there and sharing so openly. You have inspired! Praise be to Jesus! !!

    • says

      Oh I am just soooooooo glad to hear from you! I’m telling you, it has been a JOURNEY but God has been with me all along and He pushes me forward. What a huge thing food addiction is to overcome, but He has given us the power to do just that: to overcome! It sounds like you are on the right track though… reading Made to Crave and looking to God through Daniel Fasts. Look, none of us is going to do this thing perfectly… I’ve had so. many. times. where I just faltered and stumbled, but I tell you… friend, just keep looking up. He’s not expecting perfection. He made us human, not perfect. But what He does want is for us to trust Him and to keep moving toward Him. Let Him use this issue in your life to draw you closer to Him! I’m praying for you… even now I’m praying for you that He would give you determination to not give up even if it takes years that you will keep your focus on Him and the FREEDOM that He can give you from food! Praise the Lord! Praise Him right now, cause sister, He will free you!

    • says

      Oh, and I just added those little arrows that make it easier to go from one post to the next! (I’ve just recently migrated my blog over from a free wordpress site and so I’m slowly making changes like that!)

Trackbacks

  1. [...] How do I fight this? How do I win? I guess I kept thinking of what happened when I wrote Obedience Is Bliss. Although that night was weird. It was like the old me kicked in out of nowhere. I was almost… [...]

  2. [...] to think that my new found control is mine, all I need to do is remember the cookie dough day, the apple crisp struggle, or even any of the many “pre-covenant” uncatalogued lost battles with Oreos, Girl [...]

  3. [...] repentance. And he still uses the sorrow of my occasional failings (like the cookie dough, the apple crisp) to push me back into [...]

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