Day Fifty-Eight: Haters Gonna Hate

I’ll admit it. I’m a hater.

(A hater is slang for someone that isn’t happy for someone else’s successes.)

I have been hatin on skinny girls for years. Them walking around in their jeggings, high heeled riding boots, snug little top.

And oh how the assumptions have piled up about them:
• they work out everyday, multiple times a day
• they never eat anything except lettuce
• they all have maids so that they have time to work out
• most of them are secretly on speed
• because they are always starving they are mean, miserable, and judgmental (oh the irony of that one)
• they look at me and either feel sorry for me being fat or have decided that I’m disgusting and lazy

Yeah. I know. Those are nasty mean thoughts. And… they aren’t true. They are ridiculous thoughts actually. They are judgmental thoughts. They are revealing thoughts. Because they reveal a lot about me.

Those thoughts are a coping mechanism for me. Cause if the skinny girls are miserable and I’m not- then I must be better than them even if my body is less attractive.

But then as I stop and think about the pain I have felt over the years, the burden of my addiction to food, the crushing disappointment of not being chosen, of not fitting into the same kind of outfit as everyone else, of… of… of… well, of so many things… as I stop and think about the life of a food addict, then maybe the skinny girls do have it figured out. At least more than I give them credit for.

Yes, I know that oftentimes skinny girls have to fight and rail against every calorie, but I have been around my brother (not that he is a skinny girl, haha, but he is an extremely fit guy) to know that there are those that just… don’t care about food. I mean, they enjoy it, but they don’t deal with having an addiction to food, being “attracted” to food, neeeeeeeeeding food. It’s a much better deal.

Anyway, I guess my thing is, yet again with this covenant to rid myself of my addiction to food, I see how much more I need to deal with.

So, skinny girls… sorry for the judgment over the years. And if you are one of those that isn’t under the magnetic pull of food, then, well, I hope to be one of you someday.

And God helping me, I will.

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