Day 770: Sometimes I’m Afraid.

Sometimes I’m afraid.

Afraid that I’m doing this thing called “life” just totally… the wrong way. I’m afraid that I’ll be 45 or 65 or 85 or 105 and suddenly stumble into a pool of regret at the way I’ve done things. I’m afraid that I’ll wish I’d have been more. More determined. More passionate. More. I’m afraid that I’ll wake up and wish I’d been a different person or wish I’d lived another life entirely.

And while there are so many specific areas that make me feel this way: my parenting, with my spouse, my writings, my dreams. But one I think of a lot is this food and weight issue.

I’m afraid that I’ll never, ever be free. I’m afraid that I’ll be 65 and still struggling with the chocolate chip cookies my mom makes. I’m afraid that I’ll always have to keep a range of sizes 8-16 in my closet to accommodate my drastic weight fluctuations.

I’m just downright afraid sometimes.

And then I am reminded of

YOU.

And your hope. And your healing. And your patience. And your love. And your strength. And your peace. And your gentleness. And your Son.

And I am reminded that You are WITH ME.

I am not walking this thing called “life” alone. I am walking this path WITH the Creator of the path. Even when I detour, even when I stumble, You know The Way.

And when I remember that. Well, suddenly, I’m not afraid anymore.

I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:23–26

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