Day 524: Sour Laundry

These days, it seems I’m lucky to get a chance to write. My life has just turned into one big don’t-have-time-to-write slur of days. And there have been days in a row where my fingers are, literally, aching with words to write. But sitting down for the thirty minutes per post (minimum) to write is just not happening lately.

But don’t give up on me! My oldest starts full-time Kindergarten in the fall and my youngest will be going to preschool two days a week… and my husband has been emphatic that I spend those ten hours a week of non-kid life… writing! So, if you can make it with my sporadic writing until August then there will be a reward.

Well, sorta. I mean… a reward as in, I will write with regularity. Ha!

Okay, with that being said. I sorta wish that today had been one of those days in which I wrote this morning instead of now because I think I could have used some positivity and prayer… well… much, much earlier than right before bed. Ha!

We went on an impromptu whirlwind trip to the beach this past weekend (it was my kids’ first trip to the beach) and so needless to say, there was no time to think much less write. And then this morning, there was noooooo wayyyyyyy I was going to wake up before my kids I was so exhausted.

So when I finally got up and going, I came across a washer full of clothes that I put in on Thursday morning before this happened:

Husband: Let’s go to the beach.
Me: Okayyyyyy, when?
Husband: Uhhhh, now.
Me: Now as in… now?!?!
Husband: Now as in… like in an hour? Come on. It’ll be fun. It’ll be my Father’s Day present.

I do love being impromptu and now that we have kids we are almost NEVER impromptu and so as I looked at the calendar, I realized… now really WAS the best time to go. So, I said yes.

And we left two hours later for the beach.

And I forgot about the load of laundry in the wash.

Gross. Gag. Ewwww. Ick.

My day just sorta never really perked back up after that. It was a sour laundry kind of a day. A very, very typical Monday.

{This is where I’m supposed to write one of my encouraging posts
with positivity and prayer, buuuuuuuuut I’m not.
Annnnnnnnnnd I’ll tell you why.}

Well, first of all… I hate to write these things. I feel like I’m letting you down. I know I’m letting Him down. But I don’t want you to look at this post and think, “Oh, this whole thing didn’t work for her… it won’t work for me either.” Because that’s not it. So, just stick with me for a sec.

I ate a bunch of chocolate this weekend. And then again today.

I think it’s safe to say, I’m struggling.

I think it’s even safer to say… that the phrase “I’m struggling” is an understatement.

And here’s why I chose to stop my positivity thing and share this with you. I turned into The Promise Bible to see if there was something that sorta “fit” my mood today and lookie at what I turned to…

20130617-224922.jpg

Yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m gonna admit that I froze still when I saw that. I’m not one for the whole “turn to a random page and that is God talking to you” philosophy but dannnnnnng these two pages facing each other sure as heck got my attention.

And I’ve been following this guy The Anti-Jared on his facebook and his instagram. And he posted this pic the other day on facebook with the following comment.

the anti jared“When I was struggling I took a picture at 272 pounds. I am under 200 now.
But being a father motivates me to be my best. And it is better than any food I have ever eaten.”

And I know that I’m supposed to either get something from the quote in the pic or from his being a father motivates him… but ya know what I zoned in on and have been zoning in on? “When I was struggling…” I think that this is key for me right now… this guy struggled. But he feels powerful and in control now. But at this point… he was struggling. But he persevered. He stuck with it. And so now he can say “WHEN I was struggling…”

It’s not that I took comfort in the fact that he struggled. It’s that I take comfort in the fact that he overcame! And it’s like I just need to keep on… keepin on. I remind myself now “This is a journey. This is a journey. This is a journey.” It’s not about sinning or not sinning. It’s not about yesterday or today. It’s about the journey. It’s about staying focused on that destination and running for it at times, and at other times trudging towards it. But the key… THE KEY… is to keep. moving. forward.

So, I think that maybe I’ve come full circle to my positivity. And well… I started to bold the “important” parts and then I realized that I had bolded the whole thing. Ha!

Slow down… slow down and really look at this.

My child, pay attention to what I say.

Listen carefully to my words.

Don’t lose sight of them.

Let them penetrate deep into your heart,

for they bring life to those who find them,

and healing to their whole body.

Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life.

Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.

Look straight ahead,

and fix your eyes on what lies before you.

Mark out a straight path for your feet;

stay on the safe path.

Don’t get sidetracked;

keep your feet from following evil.

Proverbs 4:20-27

Oh Lord God… today I am humbled yet again. Today I am reminded of the fact that I can only do this through Your Power and in Your Timing. Help me to remember that this. is. a. journey. This is not over just because I ate some Easter m&ms. This is just a step in the journey.

I realize now how important it is to keep my eye on The Prize. I think that I’ve let my eye wander away from You and focus more on my weight and weight loss than on you. As always, bring me back. And ya know… I can tell you are. I can see in all the tiny ways that are adding up that you are bringing me back around. I know, God, that I’m going to stay on this path. And I’m going to stay on it because I know that You won’t give up on me. And if you won’t give up on me… then I think that I won’t give up on me either.

But I hear your words to “guard my heart above all else” and I know that is my new focus. I’ve been more focused for months on “guarding my food choices above all else” and I think that I was just deterring off of the “safe path” that you speak of. Again, God, please… bring me back. I give myself to you. Broken, again. Hurting, again. Ready, again.

Thank you that your mercies ARE truly new each morning. Thank you that I can shake this off and begin again with my eyes on what is ahead. Guide me through tomorrow God. Keep me on the safe path and keep my eyes focused on You. Ohhhhhhhhh howdy. How I love You.

Amen.

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Comments

  1. says

    I think what I love about this post is that when you were feeling “sour”, you opened up the Word. You intentionally sought His perspective. That is fixing your eyes on Him, just like your prayer states is your desire. So try not to be too down on yourself. You’re definitely looking in the right direction. I love that about your blog. It’s a constant redirection and focus. So glad y’all had fun! What a great memory you’ve made. We did that once as a family. We took an impromptu trip to Disney World. Back in the early eighties, we went and they sold these five day passes that DIDN’T EXPIRE. We only went a couple of days that first time so we had days leftover. So in the late eighties, I was talking to my dad on the phone (he was at work) and as a joke I said we were going to Disney World. Well I’ll be darned if he didn’t say “put your mother on the phone” and the next thing I knew we were packing! Great memories for sure. In twenty years, your kids will remember suddenly being at the beach and having a fun time with family. That trumps any old load of sour laundry if you ask me. :)

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