Day 481: Black Sabbath

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I get so optimistic about the sabbath these days.

That’s cause I actually follow the sabbath… well, I mean, I follow it… more… than I used to. I try to not do work (no laundry, no extra dishes, minimal cooking, no cleaning, etc) and I just rest and maybe even take a nap.

For the majority of the day today, my sabbath went well… according to plan. And I originally wrote out pretty much everything that happened during my sabbath that went according to plan and then realized it was all a bit tedious and only interesting to me, but needless to say, I did quite a bit of prep yesterday to make sure that the sabbath today was a day of rest.

And really… it was. it was a day of rest. a day for God. a day to remember that he saved us from slavery with his strong arm.

That was my day… for about 3/4 of it.

Then came {DUUUUUM DUMDUM DUM}… The Pizza.

My hubs and my boys really wanted pizza and we pretty much decided last time that we ordered from Domino’s that it would be our last, so I ran up to Target (without my kids… ahhhhhhhh) and snagged a few pizzas. And upon being asked what he would like, my hubs specifically said “Get one for you.” Oh, how sweet… He provided a way out for me.

So, what did I do?

I got the three-meat pizza.

For him.

And me.

Even though I thought to myself, “Get something else entirely… you aren’t even CRAVING pizza. Get what you want.”

But I didn’t.

And then I came home and GORGED on pizza and one glass of wine too many and then… AGAIN… with the cookie dough.

I mean, might as well, right?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

And I had done so WELL earlier today. I had even resisted making myself a peanut butter and honey sandwich as an easy lunch and opted for a salad instead.

It’s just all so… so… backward.

I’m supposed to be keeping this sabbath HOLY… not indulging in all of these things that I’ve said I won’t!

And just as I said that I thought… you need to fast… like, completely, fast on the sabbath. As in NO food. Otherwise it’s a day about YOU and YOUR rest when it should be a day about HIM. It’s a day that you are to remember the horrid slavery that you were in that God rescued you from and you aren’t remembering that or celebrating that when you are eating FLIPPING COOKIE DOUGH.

Gosh guys… I hate to be Debbie Downer. Trust me… I’m looking for the positive side of me just as much as you guys are. I’m looking for that girl that was so enthralled a year ago with the Word of God. I’m looking for the girl that is who I want to be. But man, she’s hiding good… for a reason, I know.

And that’s why I’m going to bail on you now without really tying this up into a nice little bow. It’s 10:03pm and I want to get to bed so that I can get up early enough to read the Word. Forget food. Forget diets. Forget smoothies. Forget salads.

I need Jesus.

I don’t need that girl to show up again.

I need Jesus.

I need Him every day. I need Him to invade my mind. I need that strong arm. Hear me now, Jesus… I need you. I can’t get out of Egypt on my own. Come and get me Lord. Do what it takes. Burning bush. Exiled Moses. Plagues and first-borns. Come and get me.

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Comments

  1. Amanda says

    i am praying for you today! I feel like I understand use battle so much the ups & downs…the constant roller coaster. I too have been on a binge- Subway chocolate chip cookies :/ It seems I can’t get through at least one day without “being bad”. God has really been laying on my heart lately to claim His promises. He will turn this out for our good! Romans 8:28. And these verses I have a meditated on and written in my mind- Mark 11:24 I circled the part above there where it says “God is faithful” and Titus 1:2. After I read those promises I wrote in the back of my by the prayers I have been praying for i.e. more disciplined- (in every area), to be more organized, to be the proverbs 31 woman!!!! Etc…. Then I flip back and cry out loud the promises God gave us- then I look back and read my prayer again over and over… daily now for the past week and it has been encouraging- peace and “hope!!!!!” flooded my heart. I have been seeing billboards and TV commercials and feeling led to think of people that are out there hungry and starving. It’s hard for me to grasp but I bet if we spent time around some starving children or people we would look at food the way Jesus wants us to look at food, you know? I’m thinking we’d be more controlled and sincerely grateful for each bite we take. I think I’m going to look into helping do something of that sorts to help people out. I don’t know what yet…I haven’t gotten clarity over it from God, but just wanted to give you a little bit of an idea of the direction God’s leading me with my gluttonous habits. Remember to “cast your burdens on to Him” and “come to Him those who are weary” :) ) Blessings! ;)

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