Day 443: The Post Where I Sorta Tell You What God Said

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Okay, I won’t wait too long to “reveal” the conclusion that God and I came to this past weekend since I wouldn’t tell you on Day 441. Ha!

It didn’t take much of God’s influence for me to know that my oh-so-brilliant plan of eating sugar on full moon days, national holidays, and at birthday parties was a total flop. And, I have to confess, that was allllll my idea in the first place. I never really asked God about what He thought I should do. Yeahhhh, sooooo… apparently that’s never a good idea. Ya know, to NOT ask God what He wants to do in your life.

Essentially, I realized that the more lenient I was with myself and in my covenant with God, then the more I struggled with sugar. It was totally opposite of what I thought would be the case! Nutritionists and counselors frequently give the advice: create balance in your life… you can’t be extreme. Which, on paper… totally. makes. sense. And honestly, I truly WISH that were the case for me. But, well, it’s not. Cause… whether or not my body is truly addicted to sugar, my MIND is. And when I started to really come to grips with that this weekend is when I knew that the on-again, off-again “covenant” I had made up was not going to work.

A girl at the retreat was talking about her husband after he sobered. He said that he had found booze all over the house… he’d even found some in the ATTIC that he’d hidden! And I laughed and giggled a bit at that, and then… I started to think of all the times that I’d hidden sugar. And especially since I switched over to the on-again, off-again covenant.

Extra candy from Christmas stocking stuffing that only I knew existed… tucked away in the craft box. The “good” candy from Halloween (Twix, Snickers, Milky Way, etc)… slid all the way back behind the extra olive oil in the pantry. My son’s leftover cupcake from his 5 1/2 birthday party at school… disguised as old leftovers in the very back of the top shelf of the fridge.

When I gave up “control” over my eating for those couple of weeks, I went and hit every. single. spot.

Again. I might not be physically addicted to the stuff… but, I was ACTING like an addict.

I talked about it with this girl later. She, too, had been an alcoholic and has been sober for quite a while now… her secret? She never touches the stuff. Ever. She won’t ever have another drink. She said “There is never a time where anything good comes from drinking alcohol.”

And she was right… and I knew that the same truth, really and truly, applied to sugar. Yes, there are good moments surrounding the eating of sugar (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc) but the actual eating of sugar… nope. nothing good actually comes out of it. (Now, mind you, when I say “sugar” I’m talking about the refined product that we use today… not at all about fruit-kind-of-sugar… that stuff is awesome!) And the last year has taught me that eating sugar during those special occasions isn’t necessary to have a good time at them. (Ha – doesn’t that sound like someone realizing that they can have a “good time” without alcohol?)

During that conversation, I mentioned that I was starting to feel pulled to giving up sugar… forever. And honestly, at that point I was totally on board with it. At first, she thought that idea was a little wack, but as I explained that it wasn’t that I just really, really wanted to give up sugar… it was that I felt I HAD to give up sugar. I was responding to the stuff like an alcoholic! I wanted to not have the stuff, but if I allowed myself one bite even… days after it would all fall apart and I’d be back at my old-binging self again!

It was like God had cured me of cancer or something the year before, and here I was saying, “No God, why don’t you go ahead and give it back to me?” CRAZY. But that’s what I was doing! I had been freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee from sugar for a year. And it was amazing! One of the most amazing years of my life! And then I had said, “No, God, put me back in chains… I want to be a slave to the stuff again.”

Nutso.

So, I started to pray that God would show me… no sugar forever? no sugar for a year? What was His plan? Not my plan. Because I no longer wanted to be a slave to sin. to gluttony. to pain. to sugar. I wanted to be a slave to Him.

And these verses speak so well to all of this:

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. Thank God! Once you were slaves of sin, but now you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you. Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living.

Because of the weakness of your human nature, I am using the illustration of slavery to help you understand all this. Previously, you let yourselves be slaves to impurity and lawlessness, which led ever deeper into sin. {Oh man, this guy just GETS IT!} Now you must give yourselves to be slaves to righteous living so that you will become holy.

When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the obligation to do right. And what was the result? You are now ashamed of the things you used to do, things that end in eternal doom. But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. For sin will pay you back with death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:15-23

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One thing I do want to mention – I don’t want anyone to think that I’m saying alcoholism and/or drug use and a sugar “addiction” are the exact same beast. I know that the struggles involved in alcoholism and drug use are of an entirely different nature. What I am saying is that I experience some of the same reactions to “fighting off” sugar that addicts experience. But please don’t think that I’m downplaying the extreme battle that an addict must fight.

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Comments

  1. says

    Anxiously awaiting the answer to your question. A year? Forever? My mom gave up wheat/gluten because of how it effects her system and makes her hungry all the time. Insatiable, even. Like you saying sugar is a trigger for you. She has decided, life is just fine without it. Better, in fact. And now that she’s a breast cancer survivor starting radiation Monday, she’s decided to give up dairy, too. And eat much more like me. :) So I’m waiting with bated breath to read “The Post Where God Said What’s Up.”

    • says

      Tomorrow, dear friend… although, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not the title! Haha! I wish more and more that I could just give up food entirely, but yeahhhhh, that’s not gonna happen. All the same, God has used this whole experience to bring me soooooooooo much closer to Him. So, in a weird way, I’m glad he allowed me to struggle with gluttony. :) Okay – wait. Catch me up here about your mom and maybe also explain the whole “survivor” who is “starting radiation”. Are you saying that she’s already had cancer before and is starting radiation again or is radiation a preventative measure or are you calling her a survivor because that’s what she is… she’s gonna survive? (Hope none of that sounded snarky… I’m genuinely trying to use my concerned-friend-typing-voice here, but I can never tell if I’m coming across right!)

      • says

        Well let’s see, right before her sister in law died a couple of months ago, she had a mammogram. Then another one. Then a biopsy. All in about the span of a week. Then while she was in Ohio for the funeral, the doctor called and told her she had cancer. Yeah. So she came home and a couple of weeks later had surgery to remove the mass. About a week after that, they told her that none of it spread and they caught it super early and are pretty sure they got it all and oh yeah, you’re now considered a survivor but we still have to do radiation therapy but it can wait for a few weeks. So she starts radiation on Monday and will go twice a day for five days and be done. So praise God they caught it early. Because very few people only need five days of radiation. And you totally didn’t come off snarky. I never blogged about it. Even though I thought about it. I was just so overwhelmed that I didn’t even know where to begin. I didn’t even post it on fb. So yeah.

    • says

      Okay it won’t let me reply to a reply to a reply. So I’m sticking it here. Holy molies! That’s crazy – how fast! But I’m so glad y’all caught it early… wow. Well, I’ll be praying for you and she during those five days (and praying as in, like, seriously… I will actually pray, not as in “I’ll put you on my prayer list” kinda not-really-gonna-pray). May God show up in some unexpected way! And I totally don’t blame you for not posting… gosh. How do you even put all of that into words? Maybe it’ll be a post for after… you know, when you’ve got your perspective all aligned again or, heck, even if you are railing at God with questions… I have certainly discovered how much people appreciate, nay, NEED others to be open and “transparent” about how they are feeling with God. Frees us all up for honest worship. honest faith. honest belief. Anyway. Yeah. I’m rambling and preaching… that means it’s time for bed. ;)

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  1. [...] before I walked out, my friend who had talked through all my sugar issues with me (Day 443: The Post Where I Sorta Tell You What God Said), came in from outside and I said I was going down there. She said, “Go for it. Jesus is down [...]

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