I think that I have officially realized that my life is different now. Different than it was in the Spring. Different than it was this summer. It’s just… different.
I guess I just kept waiting for things to settle down like it was in the Spring. Everything was so… predictable. And I had my life under “control” (or as controlled as a mom of a preschooler and a toddler can have it.
But, this fall is just not looking that way. I cannot seem to get into any kind of hard-core routine. Every week seems different. And my toddler is certainly transitioning from toddler to mischievous preschooler. He is into ev.er.y.thing. And he’s a risk taker, so he doesn’t want to sit in the sandbox and play, he wants to jump off of the fort that covers the sand box. So, he is in a stage where he needs my constant attention.
And this kind of lifestyle makes it difficult to get in any bible reading and prayer. But this morning, I just really had the thought that although it is difficult, that does not mean that it is impossible. But it does mean that I am going to have to find a spot in my life where I can consistently stop and take time for Him. It might mean 5am (which makes me cringe a little bit… thinking of getting up another thirty minutes early). Because lately my son has been waking up at 6:30am which used to be my reading time after I’d gotten dressed for the day.
And, well, I used to be able to go for a few days (or, well, honestly even weeks) without taking time to meditate on the Word or to pray. But I think in the past year, I have stretched out my heart so much as I filled it with God-thoughts that now I feel completely and utterly unsatisfied without Him.
And, well, I may have given up a lot of food this year, but as I give up that I just realize that now I need more of Him. And out of all the little things in life that I “need” to do… communicating with Him is going to have to be the number one priority.
More important than my kids. More important than my husband. Certainly more important than checking my Facebook notifications. More important even than a shower or cute hair. More important than sleep. It has to become THE priority in my life.
And as I write that I remember that God has to make it my priority.
Recently I was reading through Matthew 6 and came across the beatitudes and remembered a prayer I used to make to God in high school when I didn’t feel like I wanted to read or pray. And I will be praying that prayer again.
God, I want to hunger and thirst for righteousness. Please, give me a hunger and a thirst for righteousness. And make me willing to do what it takes to be filled. Amen.
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