Where to even begin.
What a bumpy road lately, but what a vital part of the journey. I’m not sure where my steadfast faith fell apart. Not sure why it fell apart. Not sure even when it fell apart.
But I was crumbling. I was becoming weighed down by guilt. by sin. by the sheer lack of communication with Christ.
In essence, I was being weighed down by the World.
I had lost faith that God could bring me all the way through.
Okay, sorry… I’m speaking in generalities here. Specifics:
I have, for the past two or three weeks (like I said, not sure when it happened… the devil is sly like that), been eating…… well, I’ve been eating “junk food”. No, not like Snickers bars or cookie dough. Yes, chips. chips. chips. Yes, crackers. Yes, tortillas. Yes, granola bar in a bowl. Yes, bread. Yes… yes to whatever was just not good.
I have, literally, been avoiding eating well. Choosing (every single time) a chip over an orange. A tortilla over an apple. A granola bar in a bowl over a banana.
But it has not just been food.
I have been choosing Facebook over the bible. Pinterest over prayer. Shopping over meditation. Fashion gawking over yoga. Laziness over seeking out accountability.
BUT God is faithful.
When I am not faithful, He is always faithful. And ohhhhhhh how I live Him for that.
So, a couple of days ago, my hubs brought home some popcorn from Target that he got when he took our son with him to run some errands.
Have you ever had popcorn from Target?!?! It is better than movie popcorn!
Well, I found myself in my old, old, old habits again. Unable to resist. No, it wasn’t cookie dough, but it might as well have been.
And I was sorta… crushed thinking “Buttttt, I can’t.” But she quickly followed it up with the other part of that “Come on, girl…” and it was more like, “Come on, girl… follow me to Jesus…”
And so I went I to the bathroom (the only place a Mom has a chance of getting any privacy) and I read through what she recommended. And I found Jesus again.
I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. Psalm 16:8
I reallllllllly tapped into this one. I started to, literally, imagine Him beside me in the kitchen (only just now have I thought how good it would be to do this other times during the day too, not jut in the kitchen) and for the first time in week I was able to resist the “junk food”. And all it took was one little “spiritual success” to get me believing again.
It was a small belief. It was a small success. But it was a start!
Then the next day this one worked on me:
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.
And then, yesterday:
With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20
And I have started to find Jesus again. And I think that was more important than freedom from food.
But it took reaching out to a covenant sister. It took her reaching back with the Words of Life… the Words of God… instead of human wisdom.
And I still have some healing to do, but it’s a start!
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