Steady My Steps

Steady My Steps

I’m on this kick where one word from reading my bible one day, spurs me to think about another word, which then leads me to yet another word. I’ve been trying to write each day about a word from the Word (see what I did there?!?!). Yesterday, my focus was on “help me overcome my unbelief” and so then I started to really zone in on that word OVERCOME.

I searched for OVERCOME in the bible and it took me to Psalm 119:133 NLT – “Guide my steps by your word, so I will not be overcome by evil.” I liked that… but it just didn’t quite connect with me. I needed a bit more clarification. So, I pulled up The Message translation. (A lot of the time I have to take the bible and sort of put it into my own words to really and fully understand it, but if I just don’t have the brainpower to do that then I go to The Message. Just to get a different feel.) And that version grabbed my heart and mind. STEADY MY STEPS with your WORD OF PROMISE.

Oh. heck. yeah.

Cause let me just say that this journey, while the first year was relatively “easy”, since then I have felt like I’m just tripping and stumbling through my own life. I get up for a bit and then I fall again. I get up and then I fall AND I scrape my knee. I’m just not… steady. And as much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, I know… I KNOWWWWWW that it is because I have not relied on His WORD OF PROMISE to STEADY MY STEPS.

So again today, I remind myself and the rest of us… go into that Word. Search in that Word. Look for the verse that you need. Use bible.com to search. Use www.openbible.info/topics to find verses on particular topics. We are seeking a WORD OF PROMISE.

And then we pray:

“Oh my Jesus… I smile as I think of you. As I think of your love. As I think of how you loved ev.er.y.one. As I think of the miracles you did for the weak and the beat down. Oh you just ARE LOVE. And you are my promise. Your Word is my promise. Please God, as I read your Word, STEADY MY STEPS with your WORD OF PROMISE. Help me to remember how to keep my feet steady with You as my support and my guide. You are my Hope. Amen.”

Unbelief

help me

Part of what’s been holding me back is my just inability to really and truly BELIEVE that getting back in covenant with God (as far as my eating is concerned) is even possible.

I mean, y’all. I’ve tried and failed before noon.
{Weeks pass before I can get the courage up again.}

Then I tried again and made it a day – lost it at night after the kids went to bed when my weary soul was coupled with a midnight deadline for my grad class.
{And so I had to lick my wounds for a while before trying… again.}

So, lately, I’ve been able to make it like 5 or 6 days in a row but I always lose my focus, lose my way, lose my ability to even CARE. —By the way, when I say that I “make it for 5 or 6 days” I’m talking about not having a binge. For those of you just joining in… I have a serious binge eating issue. —

But each time it’s because a) I don’t read my Bible and really seek support from Him throughout the whole thing all day long, and b) I don’t really BELIEVE that it can happen again… I don’t really, truly BELIEVE that I can lose 80 pounds again like I did when I first started this whole “adventure”. Even though despite what God showed me yesterday

believe

that I just need to BELIEVE because I’ve already seen him do the work! So, what’s the issue? The issue is that I have this unbelief… and I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF IT!

So, I don’t really have an answer per se, but I do I have a prayer-verse for us to get us moving and thinking and praying in the right direction…

Jesus. I’m a mess. A hot mess. A messy mess of a mess. And dang it… You love me. You do. I know it. I feel it. And so it is because I know that you love me that I ask you… help me. Help me overcome my unbelief. Help me overcome it, Jesus. Anyhow… anyway. Help me overcome my unbelief. Oh my wonderful Jesus. How I love you. Amen.”

 

At Least Believe

believe
It’s interesting how much this whole “reading my bible” thing helps me out with, ya know, LIFE.
I really focused in today on asking God to turn my eyes away from Worthless things (here) and to help me to get over my weeping (here) and to just BELIEVE.
But then I just kept coming up with nothing at all in my heart that connected with BELIEVE. I mean… I know I’m supposed to, but where does this “belief” come from? I don’t know how to just “get it”. And, obviously, if I was good at the whole believing thing then I probably wouldn’t be calling out to God for help in the first place. I guess I’d just “believe” and POOF He’d heal my heart. (Okay, so maybe that was a little bit of over exaggeration.)
So I went back into the bible and I searched for “believe”. A ton of verses popped up but this one… it’s like I’ve never seen it before or something… seriously… not being sarcastic. As many times as I’ve read that ol’ B.I.B.L.E. of mine, I cannot remember seeing this. But gosh… it grabbed me today. And I heard it with a sassy-Jesus-voice (one of my favs) “Well, geez, January… would you AT LEAST BELIEVE because of the work you’ve seen me do already!?!?!” And wow. Yeah. He called me out on that one!
Cause, yo. Jesus has done some WORK in me already. I just need to look at where He and I have been in my soul and I can BELIEVE that He can do it again.
And maybe that’s the simple message my heart needs to hear. HE’S DONE IT BEFORE. HE CAN DO IT AGAIN.
If I would AT LEAST believe.

Jesus Wept.

I flipped open bible.com tonight to do a little reading and it went straight to John 11:35.

Jesus Wept

Why would it go straight to that?

Oh well, who cares… I loved seeing it, cause ya know, it reminds me that Jesus was human and all that, and that’s ya know… like… important.

Then I started to think a bit (that happens occasionally at night when I don’t have a kid’s voice on repeat in my mind MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM… … … MOM) and I remembered that he was weeping because of his boy Lazarus being dead. But then I was all like “Wait. If He knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead… if He knew He was capable of bringing someone back to life… then why on earth was Jesus crying?” Seriously… I had to really sit and think on that for a while. And, plot spoiler, I never figured it out. (I’m sure there’s about 8 zillion theories on that if you want to look.)

What did grab me all of a sudden was the connection to me… if I know that God is capable of healing me, if I know that God is willing to help me do things that seem utterly impossible, if I know that God wants me to be free of this tomb of fear and worry and entrapment that I find myself in… then WHY. AM. I. CRYING. !?!? I guess cause I’m human… just like Jesus was. But maybe it’s time to get up and get angry and roll that big ol’ boulder aside and tap into the miraculous awesomeness of God. Maybe it’s time to stop weeping. Maybe it’s time to take action.

Maybe it’s time to believe.

Worthless

I went into my bible this morning looking for verses about fear. Because even though I don’t want to be, a lot of days I am afraid. Afraid of failure if I try to eat well- cause honestly it’s quite often hard to remember being successful at eating right. Afraid of NOT trying to eat well- cause yesterday I saw his article about how many women die of heart attacks. Afraid that it will be too hard. Afraid that I don’t have God on my side.

Afraid.

Afraid.

Afraid.

When I searched for “fear” I was brought to Psalm 119 and then stumbled across this verse, and I thought, “Whoa. Wait. Fear isn’t my focus. It can’t be my focus. I don’t live in fear. I wasn’t given FEAR in my spirit from God. Fear is a worthless thing. Sugar as a way to cope is a worthless thing. I want to focus on HIM and on HIS WORD. I want to focus on LIFE. I want to focus on HEALTH in my spirit and in my body.”

So, this verse is my prayer for today. “God, I love the life you have given me. I am thankful for this life. Turn my eyes away from worthless things and continue to give me LIFE through your Word. Amen.”