Day Twenty-Seven: Ready Or Not

Today I find myself in a nice spot: I’m not really struggling today. I have been working like a mamma jamma trying to get my house recovered from my husband’s birthday party this weekend (along with the three days that I did zero chores because I pulled out my back), and honestly, I simply have not had time to think of food.

Okay, so I think that at this point I need to say that contrary to what may appear in these posts, I am not a hypochondriac. But yes, I have been sick or hurt pretty much since I started this covenant. I find it comforting in a sense that Satan should find me suddenly worthy of his attention. Perhaps I am moving up in my “Job Status” (Job as in the guy in the bible, not as in the word “occupation”) because Satan is certainly attacking my health… perhaps this Covenant is going to work. is going to change my life. is going to make me more of a threat.

Pffffffff… what am I saying… “perhaps”??? God IS working and IS changing my life and IS making me a threat. And if my soul will change for His eternal glory, then by golly, I don’t mind being sick or hurt all year. After all, “The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?Proverbs 18:14

Maybe that’s why David was, like, always complaining of his bones aching and whatnot. Maybe Satan thought that he could get to David through physical pain. I guess in the long run he figured out that it wasn’t physical pain that would get to David but a different kind of physicality.

And perhaps in that there is a message.

I need to get on the armor of God in other areas of my life as well because as soon as Satan realizes that he no longer has me beat down by this addiction to food… I bet you he moves on to some other area of my life. Some unprotected area… a spot of my soul that I am not expecting him to attack. In fact, by removing this stronghold in my life, which God is doing, I will need the Holy Spirit more than ever. I will need The Word of God more than ever. I will need the Armor more than ever.

Okay, so I need the Armor. And I know what the armor is… but really how do I “get” it? How do I “prepare [my] mind for service and have self-control”? 1 Peter 1:13a Ahhhhhh, the question of the ages. Most of us Christ-followers know about the armor of God. We know what the different armor pieces are. But we so often don’t know how to apply it all.

  • belt of truth tied around your waist
  • protection of right living on your chest
  • on your feet wear the Good News of peace to help you stand strong
  • shield of faith with which you can stop all the burning arrows of the Evil One
  • God’s salvation as your helmet
  • sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God

Honestly, that is more than I can think about in one moment of temptation. But I guess that is the point of armor… you think about putting it on before the battle. Cause during the battle you don’t want to think about it or you don’t have time to think about it. But here’s what it all boils down to…

Strengthen yourselves with the same way of thinking Christ had. 1 Peter 4:1

And where do we find Christ’s thinking? Yep. The Bible. I learn the concept of truth and right living from the Bible. I learn about the Good News of peace from the Bible. I discover faith in the Bible. I am directed to God’s salvation in the bible. And well, the sword… the Word of God… IS… the Bible.

So, I have to read the Bible to get Christ’s thinking. Think about the Bible’s words of Christ’s thinking. Recite the Bible verses of Christ’s thinking. And then I will be strengthened. Then, I will be ready to stop all the burning arrows of the Evil One. And, honestly, I would just love to stick that big ol Sword of the Spirit straight into Satan’s cold, dark heart and listen to it hisssssss.

Alright Satan, I’m getting my armor on… Ready or Not…… here We come!!!!!!!

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Day Twenty-Six: Light As A Feather

(sigh of relief)

I feel so much better today since I decided not to weigh anymore. I literally feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders (hehe- pun). I wasn’t dreading my food selections this morning like usual. I didn’t look in the mirror and think “failure”. I didn’t even think about my weight. In fact, as I write this I’m having to really think to remember how much I weigh!

So as I was putting words to that just now I started thinking “why?” Why would not-weighing give me so much freedom?

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1. Weight is one of the world’s measurements of my value. And I no longer desire to be “measured” by the world. Sure I’ll still have the mirror as a “gauge” of my weight but it won’t be as black and white… fail or succeed… like it feels now. I already feel as if I’ll be able to get a better renewal going without those numbers daunting me. haunting me. pulling on me.

2. Weighing myself causes me to fixate on losing weight instead of thinking about eternal things. When I weigh myself or think about weighing, it seems to permeate my thoughts all day. I even made a note on my phone about what I should weigh by each week to lose the weight by the time June rolls around. I would find myself checking it and checking it. Almost… worshipping those smaller numbers.

And so when I removed those numbers, when I removed that element out of my day to day attempts to focus on obeying God, pleasing God, honoring God with my body… it was as if I freed myself from a “restraint” the world had for me and I was suddenly light as a feather. Almost as if I was “above” the weight. “Above” having to weigh myself. “Above” the worry of such… mundane worldliness.

Things that are seen don’t last forever, but things that are not seen are eternal. That’s why we keep our minds on the things that cannot be seen. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Day Twenty-Five: Weighing Me Down

New addendum to my covenant: I’m not going to weigh myself anymore. Not until January 1, 2013. That process has got or be just as bad for me as chocolate.

When I weigh myself I have two responses:
1. Elation- if I lose as much as I hope or want then I’m so excited. And then there are two more responses that stem from this:

motivation- I get all pumped and do great for a few days “watching” what I eat.

overconfidence- I get so pumped that I feel like I don’t need to pay so much attention and I might let a few things “slip” in my diet cause I’m doing such a great job.

2. Depression- if I don’t lose as much as I want or hope then I feel bad about myself. I allow it to affect the way I view myself, and that, in turn, causes me to respond almost the same way:

motivation- I get all bummed out and do great for a few days “watching” what I eat so that I won’t feel bad again the next time.

underconfidence- I get so depressed that I didn’t do well enough and feel like I might as well give up.

And this is the kind of thing that I have done time and time again on diets. And I don’t want to diet anymore.

You see, each of those responses are… just that. Responses. I don’t want to respond to my weight. I don’t want to care about my weight. I only want to retrain my mind to make decisions based on what will glorify God. What will please Him.

And since I have been weighing, my mind is focused on my weight. On what that scale says. Not on the things of God. Not on His renewal of my heart and mind.

So, no more weighing in and no more being weighed down!

Day Twenty-Four: Trading Addictions

Well, I might be doing a decent job of avoiding brownies but guess what is starting to become the new culprit?

Bread.

I have never really thought of bread as a huge temptation but I do think that I probably eat more of it than I need. I guess my bread overeating always seemed sorta overshadowed by my chocolate… issues.

But again. This is not about a diet. It’s about changing. It’s about renewal. It’s about finding freedom. I’m not into getting rid of one food addiction (sugar/chocolate) only to replace it with another (bread). That’s a change of habit but not a change in my habit of overeating or being addicted to food.

So I’m seriously considering adding bread to the list of the forbidden. I don’t know. Still thinking about it. Maybe I’ll just give it a go of avoiding it again instead of completely cutting it out.

I guess I think about that verse in Matthew:
So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:29-30

I’d rather be hot about this than lukewarm. I’d rather be hardcore than lame. I’d rather be extreme and go without than to be the same forever.

I’d rather be changed! renewed! free!

Day Twenty-Three: Beating Brownies

I have some good friends Jason and Alina who had their first baby about a month ago and now that her mom is back at work and his in-laws have gone back home as well, I offered to make them a meal. It meant so much to me when people brought us food (including Jason and Alina) that I love to return the favor or “pay it forward” when I can.

So I started planning a couple weeks ago trying to decide what to take them. I’m not a super good cook so I have to be careful not to pull any Hail Mary’s when I make meals for people lest the food be uneatable and then they are stuck with a bunch of gross leftovers plus they are hungry. Okay I’m rambling. Anyway, I chose to do my easy enchiladas cause they are… easy, and I have made them a bunch of times and have yet to completely mess them up. So I made those, some rice, some black beans, got some chips and salsa and then… one thing left.

Dessert.

I knew I wouldn’t have a ton of time to cook since my youngest has been sick and teething, so I thought brownies would be easy and yummy and they could munch on them for a few days. I grabbed the triple chunk brownies cause they are extra yummy.

Annnnnd a little background on me and triple chocolate brownie mix. Remember my story the other day about the cookie dough? Yeah. Very similar. Essentially I would make brownie mix (always triple chunk) and I would eat so much of it that I often times ended up having only enough batter left that I would have to bake them in a creme brûlée ramiken. When I was pregnant, I would purposefully buy pasteurized eggs so that I could make and eat raw brownie batter.

So. Essentially, for a food addict… this was like dealing with crack for me.

But it went great!!! I even rinsed my finger instead of licking it (trying to get out of those habitual overeatings) and although I longed for it… I did not take a bite nor did I lick the bowl. And actually, now that I think about it, I didn’t long for it. I went into it thinking, “I’m going to stick by the covenant.” And so it was never like a temptation really. Chocolate is just not something that I’m gonna have. Period. The end. That’s it.

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Day Twenty-Two: Marble Slab Or Manna

Well. I guess I was a little overeager with my “I’ve lost 12 pounds” statement yesterday.

Classic rookie mistake. I took my starting weight on the scale at my parents house cause it has a digital readout. But a couple days ago I weighed on the old school scale in our house.

Yeahhhhhhh. So apparently they are calibrated really differently. Cause according to my parents scale this morning I had only lost 8 pounds.

I was bummmmmmmed out about that.

But it ended up being a good re-re-re-reminder. That this is not about the diet. It’s not about losing weight. It’s about changing. It’s about being a new creation.

And I love that I am not on a “diet” per se. Because after not “losing” as much weight as I thought I probably would have done something detrimental. I might’ve gone to Marble Slab because “Awwwwww heck, what’s the point?” or maybe I would have slowly let my resolve fade because it “wasn’t working anyway”. Ya know, things I would have said in the past. But. This isn’t over. I still have days and days and days and days to go! So no point in flipping out. Just time to continue to run the race marked out for me.

Some days when it’s like this I think of Jesus in the desert while he was fasting. Or I think of the Israelites wandering in the desert waiting for God to drop manna from heaven. When I’m in the desert, I have to learn to sustain myself on more than food.

Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Deuteronomy 8:3