Day Forty: Lunch Date

Lately another Phase II “revelation” has come about for me: skipping lunch or waiting too late to eat lunch.

Now I’m not one for eating when I’m not hungry but I do need to be aware of my possible eating opportunities. To clarify: I often am trying to get last minute chores accomplished while the boys eat their lunches, like things that I have trouble getting finished while my youngest is on the rampage (i.e. unloading or loading the dishwasher). So, I almost never sit down and eat with them.

Well, then once I finish the hour long process of getting them both to nap I often don’t want to “waste” my precious nap time with something unproductive like eating so I wait longer even if I’m possibly starting to get a twinge of hunger. Perhaps I even tell myself that being a little hungry is good cause then I’ll lose some weight.

Then, my youngest will wake up and I’ll be really hungry or probably feeling lightheaded but now that I have an extremely adventurous toddler on my hands I can’t get something worthwhile, so I…

snack.

I grab whatever I can find and whatever is easiest: chips, goldfish crackers, 5 slices of cheese, raisins, etc.

And of course I’m so stinkin hungry at this point that I eat a lot of food. Possibly I tap into more than one snack attempting to satisfy my leftover lunch cravings.

Then I’m not hungry at dinner so I either skip dinner leaving me really hungry in the morning or I eat dinner thus being super full and repeating the process all over the next day because I’ll wake up full again.

All in all. If I eat lunch at a decent time… let’s say at least by 1:00 then I’m “okay”. I need to make a standing lunch date with myself to make sure i don’t wait until too late. I guess what I can do is eat that lunch according to how hungry I am. If I am not very hungry then it’s okay to eat a small lunch and have an apple or something for a snack later.

Some of this addiction breaking involves planning. This is one of those. But, it’s a good “diet” when I am making sure to plan when to eat instead of planning not to eat.

Day Thirty-Nine: Damsel In Distress

I want to start out by saying that I’m so glad that I decided to do this for a year. Five weeks in and I’m realizing that I’m gonna need another 47 weeks to get this worked out. That might sound like I’m “down” but it’s actually almost like a sigh of relief! I am just really glad that I gave myself a lot of time to get “over” this addiction. To work through my bad habits. To become a new creation. Too often before I have expected myself to become a new creation over night and that’s not always the way that it works. I mean, hey, I have thirty-three years of addictive habits that I’m trying to break. That might take a little while!

Now, with that being said, I feel like I have moved into Phase II of this experience. Phase I was getting past my addiction to sugar, namely, chocolate. Honestly… haha, yeah… honestly, I thought that was my only “issue”. Nope. Turns out that I realize over and over that it really wasn’t about the chocolate at all (well, okay, maybe a bit because it was soooooooo good), but that it has been an issue of the heart. So, once chocolate was gone I simply started to slowly work in new “addictions”. But the good news is that I’m not going to let those new addictions master me for the next thirty-three years but I’m going to deal with them now. nip them in the bud now. abolish them from my life now.

So… yeah. In a way I feel like I am back at square one. I’m seeing some of the same tendencies popping back up! Eating what is not beneficial but is still technically “okay” on the fast (e.g. potato chips). Eating past the sensation of full (e.g. dinner last night and tonight when I ate two servings worth and was way past full). Eating too late in the day and ignoring hunger sensations in the hopes that I would let my belly eat a little fat while I starved a bit (e.g. yesterday when I tried to skip lunch altogether).

I can tell that my weight loss has stalled out a little bit and I think that it is because of these things.

So, I’m needing to remind myself of the covenant. And I don’t think that this is a sign of me faltering, or Satan winning, or a lack of faith, discipline, etc.

I have just finished reading through Joshua in my daily bible readings, and after Joshua and the Israelites cross over the Jordan River (God, again, stops the water from flowing so that they can cross) they pile up 12 stones that someone from each tribe picked up when they were crossing the river. Then Joshua tells them why:

“In the days to come, when your children ask their fathers, ‘What are these stones doing here?’ tell your children this: ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ “Yes, God, your God, dried up the Jordan’s waters for you until you had crossed, just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed. This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God in solemn reverence always. Joshua 4:21-24

It’s not that atypical to set reminders… to need reminders. Heck, it’s all through the bible of the Israelites setting up altars to God to remind themselves that He came through. Like Noah when they got out of the boat. He built an altar to God. I just really like how this part ends… the stones are there so that they can tell others what God did… and why He did it: so that everyone would know how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that we would revere Him always.

So, I am going to be thinking over the next few days of a way that I can set up my stones to remind me that God’s rescuing hand (which I just love that adjective… not just His hand, but his rescuing hand) is strong and that I should revere Him. In the past I might have put a picture of me looking all fatty to “demotivate” me from eating, or a picture of me all skinny to “motivate” me to not eat, or a pig, or a… well, you get the picture. But now again, I am pulling the attention away from me and refocusing it on the things of eternity.

And I think when I see those “stones” and remember that my God has a strong rescuing hand… I might just allow myself to be rescued at that moment. A damsel in distress rescued by The Knight In Shining Armor.

Wow… sounds kind of like a love story.

Yep. The Love Story.

Day Thirty-Eight: Feed A Fever, A Cold, A Headache, An Upset Tummy…

I think I have already established that I am aware that I eat when I shouldn’t. And what’s funny is that I feel like over the past couple of days I have been starting this whole experience of “realization” about my eating habits all over (well, minus the sugar as a factor) but now with bread, chips, and snackies… I think I shall address that tomorrow though.

But I have come across another instance where I eat when I shouldn’t… or at least when that is not what is beneficial for me.

I eat when I don’t feel well. Like you know that phrase “feed a fever, starve a cold”? Well here’s what I have realized are my thoughts on that:
Feed a fever.
Feed a cold.
Feed a headache.
Feed an upset tummy.
Feed body cramps.
Feed lady cramps.
Feed lightheadedness.
Feed a pulled back.
Feed a insomniac. (Hey, those two rhymed)
Feed a sore throat.
Feed a cough.
Feed an earache.
Feed growing pains.
Feed a hang nail.

Seriously. I have realized that every time I have a physical “pain”, I eat. Sure, sometimes that’s what I should do… like being lightheaded, but even then… why do I grab a handful of Ultra Cheesy Goldfish crackers when there are grapes, oranges, bananas, etc right there!?! I think that in a way I am trying to “distract” or “relax” myself with a full belly. It usually works too. I feel “better”.

So, today my hips started to hurt (I have this weird disorder thing in my hips and I sat sorta weird last night and aggravated it) and I was just about to dive into the pantry and come up with some kind of concoction to appease the pain. And then I remembered this revelation that I had yesterday when I was lightheaded and sorta had a mental conversation with myself that essentially ended with: “January, a bowl full of oats, raisins, peanut butter, and a dollop of honey is not going to make your hips better. However, a few ibuprofen and laying on an ice pack might.”

So that’s what I did! And whadda know? It worked! Hmmmmm, maybe I’ll lose weight, conquer my addiction to food, and start to treat my “sicknesses” correctly too now! It’s a package deal!

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Day Thirty-Seven: God Post

Today is not a post about eating or not eating.
Today is not a post about my struggles and my successes.
Today is not a post about… today, or yesterday, or the day before.

Today is a post about tomorrow… or the next day… or next week… next month… next year.

When I’m depressed, anxious, worried, happy, emotional, whatever…

Are you tired? Worn out? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me… watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:28-30

Dang. There are just some verses that don’t really need to be expounded upon… and that is one of them. So, some day down the road when life is just… icky… I will have those verses to remember.

When I want to quit or bend the rules or ignore my covenant…

Let’s not allow ourselves to get worn out doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up or quit. Galatians 6:9

Yes… right! Buttttttt, wait. How do I “not allow myself to get worn out”? Well…

Those who trust in God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.Isaiah 40:31

And another encouragement…

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and peace of heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.John 14:27

So, I know that I didn’t really say anything new… but today was just one of those days where I really didn’t think that I was supposed to say anything. Today, I let God do a “guest post” on my blog. Haha!

Day Thirty-Six: Mixed Veggies Mindset

I think that I have realized over the past week or so that I need to sorta “revisit the vision” cause lately I have been following the covenant but my heart has not been in it. Since I really want this to be a change of the heart, soul, and mind… then I need to pretty frequently evaluate my motivation, my heart, my thinking, my reasons, etc.

Like I said, I have been sticking to the “letter of the Law” of the covenant, but not necessarily the spirit of it as well. I was still staying within my parameters as far as what I could eat, but I wasn’t trying to eat well. I was being a lazy eater and trying to sorta stay in the covenant without really having to work at it.

For example, technically a peanut butter and honey sandwich is okay for me to have in the covenant. But not necessarily beneficial. Beneficial would be for me to attempt to go “beyond the Law” if that makes sense. Like, sure I can have the peanut butter and honey sandwich, but it would be better for me if I ate the apple instead, or mixed veggies (like I had today for lunch), or a baked potato. That way I’m not necessarily trying to just stick to the Law (like one tries to “stick” to a diet) but I am trying to please God by going beyond just what the Law asks me to do.

And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, this is not something that I would think about on a diet. I would totally be focused on how to follow the diet in the most indulgent way possible. (Like, if I get 2,000 calories a day then how many brownies can I eat and stay in that range?) But since this is about so much more than just a diet, then I can get excited about not having that peanut butter and honey sandwich (which is actually one of my favorite things) but excited in having a bowl of mixed veggies (which was surprisingly good… although I do wish they would leave out the peas. Ick. Not sure why God even bothered with those things).

All of these efforts are in hopes… no, in faith… of being free from food. I was teetering on my mind falling right back into the same slavery as before even though I was still following the covenant. I would have just made sandwich bread, tortillas, chips, etc my new “chocolate”.

Now I’m going to go out of order on these verses but for a reason:

If you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s grace. Galatians 5:4

That was me… yesterday. A slave to the Law. Being driven by the Law. Trying to do right by keeping the Law. But today…

Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. Galatians 5:1

Today I have once again been set free. My mindset today is how can I please God with what I eat? So even though that PB&H sandwich would not make Him mad… it might not make him pleased like the bowl of mixed veggies.

Wow. Who knew that mixed veggies could symbolize so much? Haha!

 

Day Thirty-Five: Chocolate Celebration Day (aka: Valentine’s Day)

Sooooooooo I kinda dropped off on my blogging for a few days there! Sorry to anyone that is reading these! Thirty days of blogging consistently was actually a pretty big accomplishment for me! I’ll try to catch up on those posts soon.

And actually, I was kinda not “feelin” the excitement of the whole covenant thing for those few days, so I was probably not as motivated to post. Which is weird because I had some great “weight” moments… like on Sunday, I fit into a skirt that I haven’t worn in five years! My “skinny” jeans have officially become baggy. My family all ate these glorious looking steaks on Saturday night (the same day that we had a big breakfast with bacon and pigs in a blanket)… and it really wasn’t difficult at all to not eat that stuff.

Maybe it’s a good thing though… the habits that I’m making now are starting to solidify and I didn’t really think about being on the covenant. Heck, even today (which some people might call Valentine’s Day, but to a dieter, it is really Chocolate Celebration Day, haha!) when I went to the store only to be confronted with a smorgasbord of chocolate and sugar delicacies, I was in no way tempted or even bummed out that I will “miss out” on all of that. Of course, it certainly gets my husband off the hook… he doesn’t have to run into a store and frantically try to find me a chocolate heart!

Maybe I made too big of a deal of chocolate in my mind cause my life has been completely fine without it! Annnnnnnnnd, I think this is why:

We’re being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness. Titus 2:11-14

There are just so many great things in these verses! And it is soooooo accurate.

God,
It feels so good today to be freed from that indulgent life. I have so longed, and still long, for my life to be God-filled and God-honoring. And the best part… this new life you have given me IS now! What a breath of freshness in my soul. Thank you… thank you for freeing me from my old dark, rebellious life… continue to push me toward this good, pure life. It is sooooooo much better. I want to be a person you can be proud of. I want to be energetic in my goodness. Change me, mold me. Thank you, God, for my new life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Amen

Day Thirty-One: Fading Like Philistines

It’s really interesting how “losing” can impact my momentum. And I’m not talking about losing weight either… that pretty much always gets me pumped. But, what I’m talking about is the concept of one step forward, two steps back. Like, yesterday, when I posted about eating several granola bars. It might not have been a big deal but when you add up several “little battles” that I lose, then it just sorta… gets ya down.

And my mind sorta jumps to the Philistines here…

They were pretty much Israel’s biggest enemy throughout the lives of the patriarchs, the judges, and the kings of Israel. There are countless battles with the Philistines… some Israel would win. Some Israel would lose.

But… I think that the message comes from the fact that now… they are gone. Sure, some people think that the Palestinians are maybe somewhat distantly related to the Philistines, but hey… we are all somewhat distantly related to everyone. There just doesn’t seem to be enough (from what I’ve read) that really supports that the Philistines are still around as a people group.

And I think that I can learn from that…

In my life, I will have little battles that I lose (like the granola bar incident a few days ago), and I will have little battles that I win (like when I didn’t eat the brownies I made for a friend). I will also have triumphs that will only happen after disaster like that of Samson and the Philistines. I will have triumphs that happen so that the Glory of God might be evident to everyone, like when David defeated Goliath.

But I am reminded

“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

In the end, despite both large and small battles lost, the Philistines faded into the past.

In the end, despite both large and small battles lost, my addiction will fade into the past.

And I am going to be encouraged, because God has overcome the world! And if he has overcome the world… then my little addiction is easy breezy for him to squash.

Day Thirty: Holy Hunger

I’ve really thought a lot about not eating too much. about using restraint. about thinking small.

But I was reminded yesterday of the opposite of that thinking.

Like I’ve said before, God specifically designed my body with a hunger mechanism that tells me when I am hungry and when I am not. When I am not hungry, I really shouldn’t eat. But the same thing goes for the other side of that… when I am hungry, I need to eat.

Because otherwise when the hunger sensation turns to a starving sensation… my mind switches into a different approach to food. And this built in approach actually makes a lot of sense.  When I get to the point where I am starving and I am presented with food, I typically eat more than needed. It’s almost as if the most base aspect of my being is thinking: If you are starving now then you might be starving later. Eat as much as you can while you can. But I don’t have a life where starving is a part of my existence. I don’t need to “store up” food for later.

What I need to do is eat when I’m hungry. Eat enough but not too much.

Lest…… when I do stop to eat I end up eating the last four cookie-granola bars that are left… like I did yesterday. And eating the last four cookie-granola bars my friends savors a bit like… gluttony.

And gluttony is no longer welcome in my life.

So I must do whatever it takes to keep gluttony out.

And one of the ways to do that is for me to eat when I’m hungry and not allow myself to get to the point where I am starving. I know that this is a very basic and simple “healthy eating” concept, but I also know that I am having to relearn (or even quite possibly, learn for the first time) a lot of those basic and simple “healthy eating” concepts.

So today, my prayer is this…

God,
Thank you so much for bringing me to this point. Day thirty… awesome! I still need your guidance, your healing, your help, your power. This addiction is strong God. But not as strong as You. Please, send me your Holy Spirit… and make me willing to obey. God, I live in such abundance, and I have not learned what to do with such abundance. I do not know how to handle it. God, give me just enough to satisfy my needs. Teach me restraint through this experience so that it will pour over into all the other aspects of my life. Teach me to be Holy because you are Holy.
In the Name of Jesus Christ,
Amen

 

Day Twenty-Nine: Bigger Is Not Necessarily Better

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We’ve almost finished off my homemade cookie-like granola bars. They have been great to have around for me at least (my oldest won’t eat them because they have walnuts in them) for when I’m running late or don’t have time to eat or when I’m just hungry but not in the mood to think about what to eat or what to make.

But they are also reallllllly yummy. Essentially they are like an oatmeal raisin cookie minus the sugar. And this morning as I was going to snag one, I looked in and moved the granola bar on top out of the way so that I could get the biggest one on the bottom.

Oh how I am a creature of habit.

And once again, grabbing the biggest one isn’t a huge deal in and of itself, but here I am dealing with matters of the heart. And, for me, grabbing the biggest one means more than just “I’m really hungry.”

At the deepest level it is me being selfish and self-centered. I want it for me. I don’t want someone else to get the big granola bar. It is greed. It is the act of gluttony.

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Philippians 2:4

I need to have a conversation with myself when I come across the biggest piece of food. In essence, it can be an opportunity to practice putting others before me.

If I can switch my thinking from “I want the biggest granola bar for me!” into “I wonder if Pasco would like the biggest one since he is so hungry when he comes home?” or “Perhaps we will have a guest sometime today and if I leave the largest one there then I can serve them that one.”

It’s not that I wasn’t hungry enough for the largest piece but it is all about an opportunity to change my heart from one of gluttony to one that gives glory to God.

Day Twenty-Eight: Shout Out

It’s actually happening.

My craving for chocolate is pretty much… gone.

Seriously. Like I almost never think about it unless I am presented it right in the face. And honestly, unless I were to go searching for chocolate, there are not a lot of times that it gets presented right in my face. Which is weird… I felt like it was there all the time before but now it’s like I’m not even sure if we have any.

I guess because I don’t think about it much any more since it’s gone as an option. And since I don’t think about it, I don’t go looking for it. And since I don’t go looking for it… the chocolate might as well not be there.

Oh the freedom from that stuff! That and the freedom from no longer weighing myself… ahhhhhh! I think if nothing else changed and I stayed in this spot the rest of the year it would still be worth it because those two things have been a huge “weight” on my soul.

A weight that I have been carrying around even longer than my extra sixty pounds, to be sure. A burden that I have begged, and begged God to have mercy on me and to take the burden off. And something in my reading today in Mark 10 caught my eye in relation to that.

Jesus is walking through the town of Jericho and this blind guy named Bartimaeus calls out to him “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” A bunch of people yelled at him to be quiet, but here’s what it says that he did in response to their shushing… “But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” So Jesus stops, tells them to call him over, and he heals the guy and tells him “Go, for your faith has healed you”.

You see, all those times I was calling Jesus to remove the burden, I think I was sorta like using my “inside voice”. I wasn’t ever really loud in my soul. I think in a way, I was kind of in denial that I really needed help from God Almighty. I guess that I wanted to believe that maybe I could do it on my own.

Until… the cookie dough incident. That’s when I realized… I was blind. I needed mercy. I needed salvation. I needed Holy and Divine Intervention.

And I tell you…at that point, I shouted louder. Louder than I ever have. My soul was screaming at the top of it’s lungs “SON OF DAVID, HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!!!!!”

And He did. And I am being healed. In so many ways, I am already healed.

But, one more thing that I think is interesting to look at…

When Jesus heals Bartimaeus, note how He tells the guy “Go, for your faith has healed you.” I find that so interesting. Along with so many other times in the Bible, people’s faith heals them. Like, they didn’t necessarily need the physical body of Jesus to come over to them and touch them. They just needed the faith.

And with that in mind, I find it interesting that I knew months and months ago what to do in order to get healed of this addiction. My faith could have healed me. But I guess I was like so many others in the Bible… I needed Jesus to show up. I needed Him to answer me when I shouted louder. I needed to know He would take the time to stop and heal me.

And He did. And now I know that from now on, if I need Jesus to listen. to stop. to call me. to heal me. that He will.

Sometimes… I think He just wants me to shout!

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You know You make me wanna SHOUT!